cheating

[gwen2002]

How many people would be able to give there boyfriend another chance if they slept with there secertary? I feel my trust is gone, How do I no what he is doing at work now! Maybe this still happens? Could anyone forget and move on making the relationship work, or would you leave? We have been together 9yrs now.

[gwen2002]

Thanks it is hard.....but I am strong and I can do it. I would never take him back....See I can move on, im only in my thirtys he is just about 50 and the only way he would meet someone is if he moved cause all the girls around here think he is GROSS!!!!!

[sweetcheeksuk01]

Sorry to read all what happened. I was the cheater in my marriage and I will admit that it destroyed my life but realised i lost the best thing in my life and he will soon and hope you have the strength in you if he begs you back to refuse him. Now go let your hair down kick your shoes off and party. Go and find a guy who truly deserves your love

[LaDonnaF]

Take this time to focus on you!

Find and do things that make you happy!

Best of luck on this new journey in your life!

[specialmom]

Gwen, while I know you are sad----  I just want to say that I'm happy for you and proud of you for putting yourself first and being strong.  You don't need a cheat for a 'boyfriend'!!  

We are here if you need us for support.  You'll be much MUCH better off without him, I promise.  Peace

[gwen2002]

  I left!  I couldnt handle it as this was the second girl (I no about) that it has happened with!

[specialmom]

Honey, I'm sorry you are going through this.  I'm just going to encourage you to look at this as a turning point in your life and empower you to make some significant changes.  

You were with a man who doesn't care.  That is clear.  His response to your finding out is to either shut up about it or get out.  What does that say to you?  Your relationship is over and staying now would indicate an issue within you that needs to be addresed by a professional.  A therapist would be good to talk to as to why you would settle for so little in your life.  Surely there were signs or you wouldn't have snooped.  What have you been ignoring during this relationship?  Why was it so important to stay with this guy?  Not love.  I never buy that.  Because love means we feel loved and I wonder how much this guy did or felt for you by his actions when you find out he is cheating.  

Yes, it has happened more than once and it will continue to happen.  He's told you to shut up or get out.  Please, get out and reclaim your life.

And if you are trying to drown your problems with alcohol, this is a bad way to go.  Do not make alcohol your way of coping or your life will sink down the hole.  

Hopefully you have some family and friends to lean on and I really encourage you to seek a therapist to help bring clarity to your life.  I wish you peace and hope your heart heals soon.  

[gwen2002]

I dont no how long it took place, as I found text messages on his phone when I snooped or i would of never new.They were texting to try to meet each other so it must of happened more than once.He is ten yrs younger than me but he looks at least 20yrs older than me.I dont even no if there is regret he just never wants to hear about it, I have done wrong by drinking it away but the next morning it still is the same. He dont want to hear it from me or I can just leave he said(and yup both of our house), was told had one to many drinks, well hard to believe when they were texting to meet he was sober than so had to happen more than once.I hate that I looked at the cell but maybe it woke me up too.And right now he is at hos christmas party eating bowling and drinking, nope her hubby is not with her either!!!

[specialmom]

Hi.  Lots of good advice above.  I will say that I am a married woman with children to think about, a life built with another over many  years to consider, a future that we planned on together.  If my husband had a one night stand, I would consider all factors in my decision to stay or go and would have a strong pull to the marriage comittment that I made.  Don't know for sure as my husband hasn't cheated to the best of my knowledge.   But I know the idea of breaking my home up hurts my heart.  Now, if he had a long term affair and I caught him----  that is a bit different.  That is an even further betrayel.

So, did you catch him?  Or did he confess?  Was it a one time thing or a long term arrangement?  Is he so sorry he'll do anything to make it up to you or is he just going through the motions?  This is all important as to whether you could get past this or not.

But truth be told, dating is for learning what we need to about another to see if we should take the relationship to the next level.  He's showed you that he's capable of cheating.  I'd be out of there.  I will tell you that I did try to forgive a boyfriend that cheated on me many moons ago.  Realized I couldn't and wished I hadn't wasted so much time on him. VERY thankful I moved on.

good luck

[ANewLife4Me]

I agree with Teko and TinkerBell.  I've been cheated on by both persons I was in a long term relationship with.  Usually come to find out it was never "just one person" that they cheated with either.  I am very sorry if this has happened to you.  Like Londres said, if you do decide to forgive, a lot of therapy is in order.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Once that "bond" is broken, things will never be the same again.  This I know is true.

[teko]

Im of the old school. There is one thing precious and should only be shared between one man and one woman. The heart and sex is an expression of giving totally to that other person. He done went and gave what was potentially yours to someone else. Nuff said imo.

[Londres70]

I believe the possibility to work things out exists, but cheating in my book is ALWAYS a dealbreaker.  I have left a bf or two in my past as soon as I find out they were cheating.  Never had a cheating husband, but I don't think I could tolerate that either.  

You have to decide if it is or is not a "dealbreaker" in your situation.  If you are going to stay make sure you all seek the help of a therapist to get you all on the right path.