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Husband addicted to xbox
Is there anyone else who has a 40 year old husband who plays call of doty(cod) on line through xbox360 every minute that he is not at work including our 13th anniversary? He also talks trash to teenagers over the live feature my son is in 8 th grade and has a group of friends he plays with my husband plays with my sons friends even when my son isn't playing we have a 6 yr old & a 7 yr old as well they often feel left out and won't even ask my husbandca question due to him yelling for interrupting game play he completely ignores me and this has gone on for 6 months I've tried to talk to him he does not want to discuss it he just says I am to b--shy. Any one else out there or am I alone?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi. Thank you for your kind words. Always nice to hear. :)
Something that is often present with addiction is avoidance. It does seem that your husband is avoiding issues in your relationship and the emotions surrounding it by his gaming. In that way, it seems like self medicating to me. It allows him to block it out. It makes me sad to tell you that.
I'm guessing he is resistant to couple's therapy but I so think it is something the two of you need to do. Learning how to talk to one another and just "deal" with the relationship is so important. You two sound like you've lost your connection and maybe therapy would help you get that back as well. Working to save a relationship is therapeutic in itself because it is making a statement that "I care" about "us" and I'm willing to work on this.
Should you lay it down and tell him you will go if he doesn't attend therapy with you? Well, it could be getting to that point. I am glad you are seeking a job (and I know how hard that is after staying home with kids!! So good for you)--------- I wish you your own financial independence. I would focus on that and ask him to go to counseling with you. I wouldn't phrase it "because You have issues with gaming" but that you want to be closer and maybe this would help. I just feel like the gaming is a symptom of problems going on within your husband (is he depressed?) and the relationship.
I am hesitate to tell you to just get rid of the Xbox. His anger might be more than a household should handle over that. But eventually, it will likely need to be removed.
Very complicated stuff and I do so hope this works out and has a happy ending. Best of luck and peace.
Something that is often present with addiction is avoidance. It does seem that your husband is avoiding issues in your relationship and the emotions surrounding it by his gaming. In that way, it seems like self medicating to me. It allows him to block it out. It makes me sad to tell you that.
I'm guessing he is resistant to couple's therapy but I so think it is something the two of you need to do. Learning how to talk to one another and just "deal" with the relationship is so important. You two sound like you've lost your connection and maybe therapy would help you get that back as well. Working to save a relationship is therapeutic in itself because it is making a statement that "I care" about "us" and I'm willing to work on this.
Should you lay it down and tell him you will go if he doesn't attend therapy with you? Well, it could be getting to that point. I am glad you are seeking a job (and I know how hard that is after staying home with kids!! So good for you)--------- I wish you your own financial independence. I would focus on that and ask him to go to counseling with you. I wouldn't phrase it "because You have issues with gaming" but that you want to be closer and maybe this would help. I just feel like the gaming is a symptom of problems going on within your husband (is he depressed?) and the relationship.
I am hesitate to tell you to just get rid of the Xbox. His anger might be more than a household should handle over that. But eventually, it will likely need to be removed.
Very complicated stuff and I do so hope this works out and has a happy ending. Best of luck and peace.
Thank you for your advice I don't think he is self medicating although at this point who knows. We have had alot of issues to many to write that have led to him totally changing to a control freak and I can't take his mood swings anymore I have a college degree my youngest just started k. This year and I after being home 13 years am looking for a job. He is an electrician and we have been through alot of layoffs and tough times. I have always supported him and delt with this because of love. I am very honest in fact he made me take a lie detector test several yrs ago (diff story) so I think it's to the point of I go ( with the kids) or x- box. I need time to get on my feet job, ex.. I just feel so frustrated he won't discuss anything with me . If I bring anything up in the five seconds he is not gaming he says I'm not going there with you. I asked him if it's simply that he's not in love anymore and started to box up some things then he ttys telling me how much he loves me and he changed for about two days. This is ongoing I don't want our marrige to end I can't get him to work on it and I don't want him to change temporarily & I fall for it,cycle repeats and I am hurt once again. It's easy for people to say or think leave idiot but there is so much more to it than that. I feel like an idiot alot for letting him treat me the way he does and that's why I joined a forum thinking maybe strangers have some ideas or can relate more than a friend who thinks it's so simply solved. You have a nice nature about responding with things to think about. I appreciate your help thank you!
my dh is a HUGE gaming nut (I am about certain games) and we have all 3 major consols. (xbox 360, wii and ps3) when he gets in his gaming moods....there is no interrupting him. granted it only happens once or twice a month and I'm guilty of it on occasion as well (when I got fable 2 and then fable 3...I was a zombie. yeah...i love me some fable! lolol) but unlike your husband as much as we hated to stop (those games truly are addicting) we stopped. kids ALWAYS come first. no matter what. a game can be replayed...a kids childhood can't. have you tried talking with him about "gaming hours"? That's what we ended up doing. we now have "gaming hours" which is any time the kids are asleep. we did get kinect and move to go with our xbox and ps3...they have 2 games eyepet and kinectamals (ok it's not cod) that we can play WITH the kids...they LOVE it. Perhaps suggesting a game everybody can play together if playing video game means that much to him.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh boy. The thing is, gaming is as much an addiction as anything else but people kind of poo poo it because they think it is harmless. What you describe isn't harmless. I'm glad he is still going to work and I guess he goes to bed at some point, but it is a bit over the top.
It looks like addiction to me when it has begun to rule his homelife the way it has. He is angry if interrupted, he spends all his spare time doing it to the exclusion of other things and people, and he loses his ability to make wise choices (as in treating himself like a peer to your son's friends. They must think he is some kind of big weirdo and how embarressing for your son. They may act like he is cool but imagine what they really say and what their parents think. Not cool at all).
How do conversations go about this with your husband? I'm sure he is extremely resistant to any discussion that he is doing the wrong thing. But the truth is, usually this level of involvement means that he is avoiding something else in his life. He is self medicating with the gaming. Would he consider trying to find out what is under it with a therapist? He should.
I'm big on boundaries. I'd have a set time your son can play. I'd have a set time your husband can play. And I'd make it clear that your grown husband can not play with the Jr. High kids. And if they can not live within those boundaries----------- out goes the Xbox. It's not great for your son either to be honest. A house without it wouldn't be such a bad thing. So give your husband a chance to control this and if he can't-------- it will have to be taken out.
Be on the watch, however. If you can not get him to go to therapy to uncover why he hides in his gaming or what he is trying to self soothe--------- he could switch to something else to self medicate with as in another addiction.
I do wish you luck. It is hard. And I don't want your son to suffer----------- but the Xbox is making everyone suffer. Your younger kids deserve some of dad's time as do you. good luck
It looks like addiction to me when it has begun to rule his homelife the way it has. He is angry if interrupted, he spends all his spare time doing it to the exclusion of other things and people, and he loses his ability to make wise choices (as in treating himself like a peer to your son's friends. They must think he is some kind of big weirdo and how embarressing for your son. They may act like he is cool but imagine what they really say and what their parents think. Not cool at all).
How do conversations go about this with your husband? I'm sure he is extremely resistant to any discussion that he is doing the wrong thing. But the truth is, usually this level of involvement means that he is avoiding something else in his life. He is self medicating with the gaming. Would he consider trying to find out what is under it with a therapist? He should.
I'm big on boundaries. I'd have a set time your son can play. I'd have a set time your husband can play. And I'd make it clear that your grown husband can not play with the Jr. High kids. And if they can not live within those boundaries----------- out goes the Xbox. It's not great for your son either to be honest. A house without it wouldn't be such a bad thing. So give your husband a chance to control this and if he can't-------- it will have to be taken out.
Be on the watch, however. If you can not get him to go to therapy to uncover why he hides in his gaming or what he is trying to self soothe--------- he could switch to something else to self medicate with as in another addiction.
I do wish you luck. It is hard. And I don't want your son to suffer----------- but the Xbox is making everyone suffer. Your younger kids deserve some of dad's time as do you. good luck
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