Husband chooses porn over me regardless of what it has and will do it us

[Loonieone]

I'm at a point of giving up and so tired of crying and fighting over this topic. Since we first met 5 years ago, my husband had a major porn problem. Even if we had amazing sex, the moment I left the house he used to be in porn sites all day long, which eventually turned into chats then cheating. After being cheated on twice w numerous visits to girls homes, we split for 6 months until he came crawling back, which we gave it another go. After a good round of the relationship, we married and I became pregnant 1 year later. Porn still remained a prob after we got back together, even the night we had signed up for our wedding venue.. And I told him that due to where it led him in the past... It was not ok w me by any means. It to me feels like a gateway to worse things when he looked at porn. He'd in the past even done it with me asleep next to him in bed!! He would do it at his parents home in the bathroom while we vacationed, go into our bedroom while I wasn't home and set up a spare computer to watch it so I wouldn't know ( w his son in the next room), hide dirty mags in his garage.. Even download hidden apps to watch it. Every time I caught him and he even admitted I always catch him...yet still always did it. The low point, was when I was 7 months pregnant and his porn browsing turned into him trying to sign up on a hook up site.. His introduction " married but looking for something on the side". I was 7 months pregnant and working !!! Of course he said he was just messing around.. But I know better. He turned his phone over to me and lost all internet access. Of course I couldn't be sure if he had smut around the house nor monitor what he might buy at a store. Each time I told him how it was ruining my feelings for him, as I didn't even want to be intimate w him being he had the need to look at other women in those ways. Each time he assured me it was done cuz he was bored and I was still everything to him. On estimate I would say I heard the I am sorry and I'll never do it again, prob about 40 times. Now, we had a baby girl and he seemed to change, I started trusting him.. As I noticed he wasn't going back to the porn issues, and once again let my guard down. Until last week when I noticed in google history under the email that was logged in, on e again dirty searches. After checking the computer, I see that he had put a cd in, at 5:35 am and on e again watched porn,, with me trying to get done rest from a baby up all night, sleeping in the next room and our 2-11 year olds in the other room. He said he found it in an old box... Got up.. Went outside .. Unlocked the garage .. Got it and watched it. His excuse " I was looking at new things to try w you". Seriously!!!! The video was normal guy girl wtf can that show you besides another woman spread in front of a camera for u to pleasure yourself to!!! Of course his response.. I didn't pleasure myself I just watched. Yeah and I'm the pope!!! He knew if caught again., we would be over and for the first time ever,, I told him I deserve better! Him choosing porn over me and our family .. Knowing what would happen if caught,, shows I am not a priority,, we are not a priority and our family isn't a priority over his obsession with watching porn... Even if the frequency gas slowed.. Or I just haven't had my guard up to catch him as much. If porn is something men do.. Where is the line when the partner is being hurt, becoming depressed, becoming insecure and all around the family and marriage is suffering immensely. Am I wrong? Do I not have a right, if this discussion has happened 40 or so times to say enough is enough??? Get marriage counseling? Or just him get counseling? Or call it a lost cause and leave. I don't want to kiss him, have him touch me.. Even an arm on me in bed. I'm lucky I let him lie next to me, because he has ruined us.

[Londres70]

Agree with AnnieBrooke..........I would be OUT of there, but you aren't me.

It doesn't matter what you do because he is the one with the problem.  Until is willing to acknowledge it and get help for it the marriage will continue to disintegrate for sure.  Furthermore, even with counseling he may never change.  Frankly speaking he hasn't changed since day one of the relationship and you have given him PLENTY of opportunities to work on his problem.

You should definitely seek counseling for yourself to help you to sort through this muck and mire of a mess.  The counselor can help you decide if it is worth your while to stay or leave.  Even if you leave you need to heal/recover from this terrible situation you've had to live in.  Counseling is definitely in order for him.  If he refuses I recommend you seek legal counsel and start separation or divorce proceedings.

Life's too short to put up with this nonsense.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi also. Porn can be a disease and addicting and would need the same type of counciling as one addicted to any other substance. Also for a person to give in to every sexual whim as he is doing shows the lack of any spirituality. Theres no God awareness. For a person to travel through this life just taking to fullfill their desires without any awarness of a Creator that make all this possible is a person that lacks conviction..
If you have a spiritual leader, Pastor, Priest, Rabbi, do make an appointment with them for a meeting for both of you to attend.

Dont wait for some tragety to occur and go screaming out to God for help, ask now and be part of this beautiful creation being thankful every day for giving us the life that we have.

[coryreply719]

I should add, you can't fix him or make him get the help he needs. He is going to have to see how utterly depraved his mind has become.

[coryreply719]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Pornography addiction is very difficult to overcome, but it can be done with the right kind of help. There are, more than likely, unresolved or undiagnosed root issues in his life that he is medicating through porn.

There is a website that goes into all of the issues behind the addiction with great detail called www.pureintimacy.org. As his wife, I think it's really important that you understand the driving force of his porn addiction so that you can help him work through the real issues and then tackle the porn problem.

Joe Dallas has written some great books on this as has Fred Stoeker. Check those guys out. I'm praying for your family today. Blessings to you!

[Loonieone]

Yes I figured I would wake up to these responses...thank you. I don't know what else to do.. He's a good dad most of the time.. Typical not moving while baby screams at night stuff... But there's nothing else I can do that will make him change. If I'm not enough... Someone else will think I am

[thirdtimemum]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.....and how frustrating and angry you must be knowing your husband is doing something that is putting your marriage on the line. The thing is, he knows this upsets you, and you have split before over this issue, and yet, he still does it. There's nothing else you can do but leave, if that's what you really want. The hardest thing in a marriage is when somebody is taking the other for granted and not respecting the other person and their feelings. Maybe he has a problem and needs help, maybe he doesn't. But all you can do is make a decision of whAt YOU want, and if this is not what you want in a husband, and not the way you want to live, then leave. My ex was a little like your hubby, not quite as bad, but enough so that I found printed out porn pictures in his car, the history on the computer was porn sites, and he used to get very flirty when he had another girls attention. That's not why we split, but at the time I confronted him, and he was very remorseful, and he knew if he got caught again he'd be in big trouble! I didn't like it, and I won't stand for it, even in my current relationship, my partner knows how I feel about porn, and would never disrespect me the way my ex did. If  your husband keeps doing this, knowing your marriage is on the line because of it, RUN!!!

[AnnieBrooke]

Frankly, I'd call it quits.  This is no different than drug addiction or alcoholism.  He won't stop, and no amount of love for you is going to keep him from giving in to the lure.  Probably there are places like Alcoholics Anonymous for porn addicts, but your guy sounds like he is so far from wanting to go there that it frankly sounds hopeless.  I'd be seeing a counselor (for you, not so you and he can try to work things out) and a divorce attorney.  I'm so sorry, honey, but until you stop making it possible for him to have his life at home and still devote most of his attention to porn, he will never stop doing what he is doing.  And he might not stop even if you do take away yourself, his home and his kids.  He might just whine to you that the stress of the divorce drove him back to porn's arms.  His problem now, dear.  Time to make it not be your problem.