I feel so bad- I need some help and advice?

[Jay1jjs]

Hi there,

I'm in need of some help here, so I've been with my girlfriend a year this month, I can honestly say she's the best thing in my life. I love her dearly.

Last night whilst drunk me and my friends went to a strip club. I got two lap dances with the same dancer, nothing sexual happened apart from the stripper grabbing my crotch whilst in my trousers, I did slap her buttocks.

I haven't slept all night due to the anxiety of thinking I can't believe I've let my girlfriend down and also myself.

The thing now is, what should I do? I remember I stupidly done the same thing when we first got together and I told her, although she did forgive me, it hurt her. I don't know if I can put her through that again.

I feel terrible, basically I feel morally wrong, but did I cheat? Should I tell her? Will I be ok? I just love her so much but do stupid things whilst drunk.

All answers, advice would be greatly appreciated.

Regards

Anxious Jay!

[Nighthawk61]

Last night whilst drunk me and my friends went to a strip club. I got two lap dances with the same dancer, nothing sexual happened apart from the stripper grabbing my crotch whilst in my trousers, I did slap her buttocks.

1) Make new friends that don't go to strip clubs. Go to a gym and see if you can find male friends that have no interest in strip clubs, Do not drink or go to strip clubs, or any clubs for hat matter with "the boys". There will likely always be the element of finding women if you are to make a habit of partying in clubs as a group of males. . .
2) If you cannot control yourself when you drink, quit drinking. Ask for help from an Addictions Therapist who will keep your situation confidential.
3) Stop lying to yourself. What happened was indeed sexual. You put yourself in the position that another women danced semi naked in front of you, That was sexual. On top of it, you put yourself in a position for another women to hold touch your penis (clothed or not) That was sexual. You smack another women's a$$, and that was sexual.by nature. You were not spanking this girl because you didn't like what she was doing, you did it so you could play with her a$$.

[Kayannaboo]

So...I do not think I need to tell or reinforce that your choices were not very smart. You already know this. The choices were even more reckless, as you were quite aware of the implications of each. You knew in the morning, the guilt of what you did would feel worse than the hangover. My friend, if your woman is worth as much as you claim, then ask yourself, "when I act a fool and lose her, will strippers and booze fill the void?" If the answer  is no, then you are risking a lot more than you are willing to lose.

I think the issue is that you were afraid of looking "soft" to your friends which I totally understand but once again, you need to weigh the risks. Can your friends keep you warm at night and make you happy if your girl leaves? Are you okay with hurting the person you claim is the "best thing in your life"? I suggest you not tell her and make a conscious and SMART decision to do what is right.

Best of luck.

Anna

[Nighthawk61]

Also, you're asking others what is " cheating" ,but what you need to accept is that your gf/wife feels that it is, That's what's truly important, not what other random people think about the subject. You've already got your question answered by the person whose opinion on the subject should matter the most.

[Nighthawk61]

Stop lying to yourself, and you'll stop lying to your gf. Men that are in relationships that matter, stop acting like they are single.

[specialmom]

I have to say that I agree with londres.  Don't sabotage your relationship this way!  really watch your drinking and avoid strip clubs if it is going to upset your girlfriend.

But I don't think this is the end of the world.  You didn't cheat.  You made a poor choice but you didn't cheat.  

I would not tell her.  And learn from your own anxiety that you don't want to do these kinds of things.  

Well, let me back up---  were you with people that might tell her?  Then you have to.  Then you say something like---  others were doing it.  It was stupid.  She danced and it was gross (throw that in) and I was dying to get out of there---  she tried to grab my crotch and I was like bye!  And left.  

Okay, you don't need to tell some sorted tale of her sexy dance and her touching you, etc.  Spin it appropriately.

But do make every effort not to repeat this for your own sake.  good luck

[Londres70]

Well, why are you repeating this if you know she isn't cool with this?  You knew it hurt her the first time, but nevertheless you did it again.  If you tell her you did this a second time I am not sure if she is going to stick around.  I suggest you say nothing UNLESS you think your friends might tell her.

Did you cheat?  No, this isn't cheating in my opinion, however, you did something that you know she feels uncomfortable with; something she that she disapproves of.

If you are doing things under the influence that you normally wouldn't do then you need to quit drinking and if you have a drinking problem you need to get help soon.  Being drunk is NO excuse.  

Sounds like you are one to follow the crowd and this is getting you into these stupid situations.  You need to learn to be more of an independent thinker vs. following others like a sheep doing stupid things that you will regret later on.