Sabotaging my own relationship

[lovemykids465]

Things have been going great for my husband and I. Beyond great, He has done a complete turn around. At first I thought it would ware off but 8 months into this and he is still being the supportive, calm, loving husband and father I knew he could be and so desperately wanted him to be and I have learned to be more encouraging and not to step in when it comes to him and the children as much and it has been great. I have even stopped checking up on him for the most part. But yesterday he called me at work from his job and asked me to go his email and see if he received a message he had been waiting for. He needed the info at that moment. So I went on and no it was not there but there was another message from yearbook.com so curiosity got the best of me and I opened it. He had looked into joining the site to see what he fellow graduates in Va were up to 24 years later. For the most part I do not mind this but he has not kept up with them in the past so why now and why open up the door to more trouble in the future. Any way I talked myself out of that, no biggy, I keep in contact with high school friends so, but an advertisement comes up for 22 single women in your area want to meet you, I know this is an add b/c I get it so many times when I am on the web but and this is a great big BUT! Would you believe HER, picture ( the W H O R E he works with ) came up. I was so mad. I texted him asap and asked why he was hiding joining the classmates group from me. He said he wasn't if I would check closer he attempted to join in March but never paid the fee so no one can contact him anyway. Figured I would probably get upset about it. Told him that was not the thing that if he wanted to contact the people from his past that was fine just as long as he kept everything on the up and up. But I told him how the dating site came up and her pic was there. He assured me it was all innocent. He had nothing to do with it. I do believe him, then I felt like a jerk for confronting him. He called me and told me he totally understands why and how I would be upset about that. I was doing so well but seeing that was like a kick in the gut. I mean I have seen her in public and been ok with it but the thought that she was trying to contact him ( even if not per say him) ticks me off.  I am just glad he handled my feelings so well but feel bad that he may think that I really do not trust him. I do but I am more cautious now.

[Judy246]

It does seem as if he is making an effort, BUT until this woman continues to be in the same department as he, I would be uncomfortable and make your presence known to her. Invite him for lunch or invite to pick him up after work once in a while even if he has his own car, tell him you want to make your presence known to her...I don't know if this will work, but I would do what I have to do to let her know that I'm on to her always and I wouldn't find peace of mind until he or she transfers. Your concern is justifiable and I support you. Keep us updated on this homewrecker wannabe. Hugs, Judy

[mami1323]

Sounds like he is doing everything right.  She's no competition.  It will get better as time goes on as long as he continues to prove himself each and every day.  Hopefully you will get to a point when you won't get mad at things or feel insecure any more.

[lovemykids465]

No transfer yet but hoping it is soon. I have run into her on several occasions recently and am surprised at how well I have been able to handle it. He has totally reassured me through his actions and words that things are good with us. I was a bit annoyed when he had off last Friday that he went into the office anyway but I understood partly why. They were having a retirement breakfast for one of his co- workers and he wanted to be there. I just hate the fact that they would be together in a social setting and he really did not have to be there but that was just me when I thought about it from his aspect I would want to be supportive of this other man. He did end up taking our 14 year old son with him so I felt much better about that.

[teko]

It would appear that your hubby is committed to you alone, yet I can understand the emotions that you have as well. It will take time but you will get there. Hang in there, apologies to your hubby, but I bet he doesn't need one, probably understands better than you do how rough it is. As long as he is re assuring, and comforting, and trying to make it work, all will be okay. Ya have good days and ya have those days where the thoughts just kinda creep up on you. Sounds like yer gonna be fine.

[Judy246]

Do not sabatoge your relationship with this doubt and insecurity on your part. I am on classmates.com and to be honest with you, I could careless if I meet up with an ex or interest and in college I had quite a few! There is nothing wrong with him wanting to join a school group. BUT! the picture of this other woman would have made me balistic, so I do understand why you reacted the way you did and it was justifiable and I would have deleted it on the spot and make sure that under the cirumstance you do have access to his information. Is this woman still working with him? Did he transfer or did she transfer?

[specialmom]

Infidelity is so hard and takes a very long time to get over.  I think your husband does sound like he is committed and trying hard to do the right thing.  If he were hiding something, he wouldn't ask you to go on his email.  He sounds like he is so sure that he made the right decision to honor you and your marriage that he does not mind when you get mad at seeing the picture of that woman.  This is terrific and that he handled this well and reassured you that he understood how you felt and that it was okay is a very positive sign.  If you look at it like he took the relationship down with his past behaviors, then he has to build it back up with behaviors like he showed you yesterday.  Then you will have less instance to get upset with him.  You will never like seeing her  picture------- but it will become more and more of a mute point as she drifts off of your radar.  I think you are going to be fine and these doubts you have will get less as he proves himself more.  Best of luck to you.