Aa
I think my friend is lying? What should I do?
I'm a high schooler and I have been friends with this girl for about 5 years. We are very close, but I always have a feeling she's lying to make her life seem more interesting. She will tell me stories that I have seen on the internet before, except instead she will insert herself or her family as characters. She claims she has friends on the internet, but when asked, will never send their profiles or screenshots of their conversations. Now I feel like I have lost all trust I once had with her and I'm always scrutinizing everything she tells me to figure out if it's the truth or a lie. I don't think this kind of friendship is healthy and I want to confront her but I don't want to ruin our relationship further. What should I do?
I think that you are angry that someone that you believe to love "as a very close friend" is lying to you consistently, and I understand completely your feelings of being betrayed. Life is short, and to feel that you must "scrutinize" the conversations with them as you are, is a waste of time. I do think it would be wise to understand that if your friend is lying, then she is a very unfortunate soul and having a hard time. It would be good for you if you could sincerely find compassion for those insecure enough to have to lie to appear that they are achieving more than what they are in life. Ironically, it is these tests in our lives that mould and form us into our adult selves. Being able to show compassion for a long term friend , who is now displaying weakness, gives your life an additional measure of success. If you are able to feel compassion (feel sorry for them) you are taking a bad situation and making something good of it. By you learning how to have true love and compassion for a weaker person (whether you've known them for five years or five minutes) is building positive character traits. Since you categorize your friendship as being "close" , i think you should make a point of fostering other close relationships in your life, that you can feel that you can trust, and you deserve honest, close friendships with as many as you can possibly make. So try to have true compassion, pray God that your friend is less insecure, and stops lying if that's what's she's doing. If you WANT to spend time with your friend, don't ask questions about her making stuff up (if that's what she's doing). Change the subject (like it doesn't matter) if you can enjoy some time in the moment doing things you both enjoy and making your own memories do so, as long as you're enjoying yourself.
Are you planning on going to college or university yourself? Many long term friendships are made when in college/university and I pray that you experiencing a lovely college life for yourself. Life for you can be very interesting and varied if you choose to attend college. Look forward to the good times to be had - they're just around the corner. My son has so many friends from college from every corner of the world, and has traveled extensively with many of them (and we're by no means wealthy). He's always kept a part time job to pay for trips to Ireland , Japan, France, Italy, Cuba, Spain, You get the picture. Instead of being angry because someone you know is making up an interesting life, take that focus and energy and use it to get yourself into the best position you can as you leave high school and possibly enter the college life, or work place so that you can , for real, enjoy an interesting life yourself.
Yeah, feel sorry for those that have to lie to make themselves feel better about themselves. Don't bother to spend too much of your valuable time on fibs when you could be , perhaps, serving coffee and getting used to customer service (that will look good on your resume).
Onward and Upward... Thanks for posting.
Are you planning on going to college or university yourself? Many long term friendships are made when in college/university and I pray that you experiencing a lovely college life for yourself. Life for you can be very interesting and varied if you choose to attend college. Look forward to the good times to be had - they're just around the corner. My son has so many friends from college from every corner of the world, and has traveled extensively with many of them (and we're by no means wealthy). He's always kept a part time job to pay for trips to Ireland , Japan, France, Italy, Cuba, Spain, You get the picture. Instead of being angry because someone you know is making up an interesting life, take that focus and energy and use it to get yourself into the best position you can as you leave high school and possibly enter the college life, or work place so that you can , for real, enjoy an interesting life yourself.
Yeah, feel sorry for those that have to lie to make themselves feel better about themselves. Don't bother to spend too much of your valuable time on fibs when you could be , perhaps, serving coffee and getting used to customer service (that will look good on your resume).
Onward and Upward... Thanks for posting.
2 Comments
This was a little different perspective than I had and I really appreciate it. Good thoughts and made me think about this for a bit with a new outlook.
Coming from you SM, ... it means a lot sniff sniff xo
COMMUNITY LEADER
Lots of people embellish a little bit. But its intrusive and inappropriate for you to ask for screen shots or profiles of her friends. Are you competitive with her? I don't personally like phonies but most are just insecure and trying to fit in or feel more exciting than they believe they really are. This isn't a reason to dislike them. It would make me sad for a friend to do that or feel they need to. So perhaps you aren't a great friend to her either?
No one likes to be lied to. I agree. But dig deeper for the why and see if you can muster any compassion. good luck
No one likes to be lied to. I agree. But dig deeper for the why and see if you can muster any compassion. good luck
3 Comments
At your age there are lots of things for a person to be insecure about, and perhaps she doesn't intend to make her life overly interesting but certain things you talk about make her get too insecure at times and she says things she regrets later. So if she is a good friend you might want to cut her some slack by avoiding certain things. On the other hand, it is also possible that she is a psychopath and won't ever be able to tell the truth. So if you are friends with her other than the fact she seems to tell the odd tall tale, I wouldn't ditch the friendship until I got more information to make a better decision about which of the above applies to her.
It is always possible that you are misreading her, so I would get conclusive proof but in a non-confrontational way.
If she says something that you are quite sure is a lie then you could ask a question that isn't an attack on her, but is more like "I didn't know that kind of thing happens." Then if she answers in a way that proves your suspicions that she is lying you could act like you misunderstand her and change the subject rather than confront her. Then figure if the relationship is worth keeping later, rather than in the heat of calling her out for over-exaggerating her life.
It is always possible that you are misreading her, so I would get conclusive proof but in a non-confrontational way.
If she says something that you are quite sure is a lie then you could ask a question that isn't an attack on her, but is more like "I didn't know that kind of thing happens." Then if she answers in a way that proves your suspicions that she is lying you could act like you misunderstand her and change the subject rather than confront her. Then figure if the relationship is worth keeping later, rather than in the heat of calling her out for over-exaggerating her life.
Maybe she is trying to impress you to keep you interested in her as a friend? If she is lying she obviously doesn't feel comfortable enough to just be herself around you.
That could be true but she is young and kids backgrounds are different so it could be something that will change. lpn33 will have to figure it out but I would take my time to figure it out well if I was her, because calling her out might be the end of the long friendship.
If you don't trust what she says or who she is then why continue the friendship? Friendships aren't a must or have-to-do thing. If you are constantly scrutinizing her then you really don't have a friendship. I can't see how this is a close friendship when you have to scrutinize her. You may have known her for 5 years, but this isn't what I consider a close friendship. I don't grill close friends.
You should probably fade the interaction out with her and move on. Don't confront her.
You are correct....this isn't healthy for you both.
You should probably fade the interaction out with her and move on. Don't confront her.
You are correct....this isn't healthy for you both.
3 Comments
definitely agree. And also agree that confronting her would be completely the wrong move to make.
thank you for your advice. I’ve been slowly fading my interactions with her etc. I still am there when she needs help, but we don’t talk as often and I am glad. She has found more close friends and seems happy and I have found more new friends too. Thank you for your help
I'm glad she was able to find supportive friends. good luck to you and also hope you find people to be friends with.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
