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is an extramarital affair ok if ok with both partners?
just wondering what anyone else thinks. DH wants okay to have sex outside our marriage as only a physical relationship, he thinks this is okay and not uncommon if okay with both partners, I don't see how this can be good for a marriage. What does anyone else think, is sex outside the marriage okay if okay with both partners.
KeyD, why in the world are you still working at trying to get pregnant?
At this time, you should be REALLY thinking of leaving. He's going to cheat, permission or not.
If you are pregnant you won't be able to easily escape this.
At this time, you should be REALLY thinking of leaving. He's going to cheat, permission or not.
If you are pregnant you won't be able to easily escape this.
Yes swingers. I think if two people agree to it then so be it they can do what is comfortable between eachother in their marriage. But if one person is not okar with it than the subject must be dropped. It is unfair to force this on someone and disgusting to do it behind your back.
I completely agree with you. I just don't understand why get married to turn around and bring other's into your intimate life, which in the long run might cause mistrust, unecessary jelousy's ,doubts and risk for STD's, HIV's and other infections. Also, if a home permits this type of behavior, what does it say about moral value and being an example to children. When someone take sacred wedding vows, it goes completely against the vows and viewed as adultery. There is a name called for this within a marriage, I just can't think of it at this moment, so if anyone knows just jump in (swingers?)....can't remember. Good Luck. Judy
My morals say that this is not ok, and it is not something I think should be considered within a marriage, but since my spouse thinks this acceptable I just was polling to see what others in society thought. Thanks for everyone's input. This continues to be a debate at my house. The other debate has been is there that much of a difference between requesting and expecting to be "allowed" to have an affair verses doing it without ur spouses knowledge? I think these two options are very closely related and equally wrong.
It would depend if both partners felt that it was morally ok to do this. It all goes back to morals. If both parties are " ok" with it than they are basically saying that they do not hold high morals on sex in a relationship. If you can agree with that then it could possibly work out well. Think about your morals and how you feel about it.
Why bother getting married if infidelity is considered normal. It's not and it's unexceptable.
I'm really sorry you are having to deal with such disrespect! I feel for you, I really do. I also feel for your daughter. What do YOU think about the things he has said? How do they make you feel? You almost sound numb to it or in denial about his fidelity (which is why I asked about the swinger stuff). A man who is in love with his wife would never even dream of asking something like that unless he was either joking or already doing it. Or he's REALLY dumb and doesn't know any better =)
If you guys can try to do therapy again, and maybe with a different counselor than before, hopefully you will have different results this time. It's worth a shot, especially for your little girl.
If you guys can try to do therapy again, and maybe with a different counselor than before, hopefully you will have different results this time. It's worth a shot, especially for your little girl.
no I am not into swinging, this is only his idea. we also have a 3 1/2 daughter to consider and she is very attatched to both of us. as much as i hate the idea of a councelor it looks like were gonna have to try it again. we have been together for 12 1/2 years but i am starting to think the deck is stacked against us.
My thought on this is simple....why even bother marrying, giving your committment in front of God, your family, friends, work colleagues if you're only going to go out & cheat w/ someone that has the exact same body parts as the person you're with. It all comes down to sex & the communication regarding it. Why state in front of everyone that you'll love, honour, obey in all of lives issues if you know you're not satisfied & you want to cheat? Why even bother w/ the big party as noted as "the wedding". I rather be single...
It all comes down to communication. If someone can't communicate sexually what they desire or if it isn't reciprocated than, counseling is necessary. This is because, one end isn't receiving.
If you have the slightest doubt about ANY issue regarding your future spouse, do not marry that person. Save the divorce rate percentages.
It all comes down to communication. If someone can't communicate sexually what they desire or if it isn't reciprocated than, counseling is necessary. This is because, one end isn't receiving.
If you have the slightest doubt about ANY issue regarding your future spouse, do not marry that person. Save the divorce rate percentages.
By your answers, it sounds as if you are okay with it as well. Am I right? Are you both wanting a swinger type relationship?
Has anyone given any consideration to disease here? You do not want to divorce, just love each other to death? Aids IS still out there ya know. If this is your or your husbands idea of a good marriage, ya got a lot to learn and your future does not look good at all. Give the man his freedom to give and recieve whatever vile germ is currently out there and you move on to a real man and a real relationship. Once you have experienced the real thing, you will know with no uncertainty just how wrong this is.
normalizing the concept of sex with other people destroys the foundation of marriage. sex/marriage therapists and experts will tell you that it's VITAL that another partner not be introduced into the mix, EVEN with both partner's approval, because inevitably things will become more complicated. short of hiring a prostitute for one night (horrible idea) There's no way to remain emotionally uninvolved....
there's a reason swinging was in when people did a lot of drugs, and now it's a lot less popular...because it's a BAD IDEA.
he made a vow to you, and he needs to keep it or he needs to sign a divorce paper and let you walk away. he's way out of line, and you deserve his fidelity and focus.
they just came out with a life-like sex robot named Roxxxy...I'm not kidding. consider ordering him one. but assert your right as his wife to be his one and only partner and don't let him hurt you!
sex therapy could help your relationship. tell him to go with you to see a sex therapist, they can help you come up with solutions to leave you both feeling satisfied and content with what you have...and they'll tell him that a surrogate, or getting involved with another person(even with the wife's knowledge) is not a good idea.
there's a reason swinging was in when people did a lot of drugs, and now it's a lot less popular...because it's a BAD IDEA.
he made a vow to you, and he needs to keep it or he needs to sign a divorce paper and let you walk away. he's way out of line, and you deserve his fidelity and focus.
they just came out with a life-like sex robot named Roxxxy...I'm not kidding. consider ordering him one. but assert your right as his wife to be his one and only partner and don't let him hurt you!
sex therapy could help your relationship. tell him to go with you to see a sex therapist, they can help you come up with solutions to leave you both feeling satisfied and content with what you have...and they'll tell him that a surrogate, or getting involved with another person(even with the wife's knowledge) is not a good idea.
COMMUNITY LEADER
It does concern me as well that he says that he is fine with you having outside the marriage sex. He either is completely detached or knows you won't do it and is not risking your infidelity to give you this option. I'm really thinking I would insist on couples counseling. Also, know lots of people and have lots of friends. None have open marriages. So I have no idea why he keeps trying to convince you it is normal. NO------ sorry husband. You can only have sex with me. Period. good luck
If you are not ok with him cheating on you(and who the heck would be???) then that's the end of it. No more of him asking you if it's ok.
You need to be firm and tell him that "No it is definitely not ok for you to have sex with anyone besides me, and i don't care if all the other couples in the entire world think that having sex with other people in a marriage is ok, I do not think it is, and I am your spouse and if you want to have sex with someone else, then you can go sign some divorce papers"
That is just ridiculous, and the fact that he keeps seeming to bring this up leads me to believe, he has already done it and is trying to get you to say it's ok so that he doesn't have to feel guilty about it. Your husband sounds like an idiotic, inconsiderate, disrespectful a$$(sorry)
You need to be firm and tell him that "No it is definitely not ok for you to have sex with anyone besides me, and i don't care if all the other couples in the entire world think that having sex with other people in a marriage is ok, I do not think it is, and I am your spouse and if you want to have sex with someone else, then you can go sign some divorce papers"
That is just ridiculous, and the fact that he keeps seeming to bring this up leads me to believe, he has already done it and is trying to get you to say it's ok so that he doesn't have to feel guilty about it. Your husband sounds like an idiotic, inconsiderate, disrespectful a$$(sorry)
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, make it clear that this is out of the question. Does he work at all?
I don't believe that he's done anything at this point, he really doesn't have the opportunity, when i'm at work he has our daughter (who tells me everything) and rarely goes anywhere by himself. He says he only wants a physical relationship and has no desire to leave me. And for some reason believes that this could help our relationship.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Boy oh boy, I hope he isn't already cheating. I think I would be very firm that you will NOT entertain this idea in any way. I think if our demeaner when we are saying this is firm enough, that he would know better than to broach the subject with you. Did you say absolutely not last time he asked? And are you afraid he WILL cheat on you if you say no? How are other things between you two? you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Sorry, I'm sure this is stressful.
If my husband came to me and said that other people he talked to said it's okay to do something like that, he'd get a slap right across the face! One for spewing our personal business to everyone he talked to about it, and second for even considering being with another woman while married to me. I'd tell him to shove his ideas where the sun don't shine!
Is he okay with you sleeping with another man? What are his thoughts on that subject?
Is he okay with you sleeping with another man? What are his thoughts on that subject?
he's probably already found the one he wants to cheat with...which is why he's asking.
rock is right...whether you give the a okay or not he's PROBABLY (doesn't necessarily mean he WILL do it but most likely will) going to cheat. he just wants you to think that everybody does it...which not everybody does. don't let him make you think YOU are the odd one b/c you don't want to say yes. if you don't think it's right if you dont' want him to do it..JUST SAY NO! don't discuss it further with him. tell him no is your answer and if he doesn't want to stay faithful...he can take a long walk.
rock is right...whether you give the a okay or not he's PROBABLY (doesn't necessarily mean he WILL do it but most likely will) going to cheat. he just wants you to think that everybody does it...which not everybody does. don't let him make you think YOU are the odd one b/c you don't want to say yes. if you don't think it's right if you dont' want him to do it..JUST SAY NO! don't discuss it further with him. tell him no is your answer and if he doesn't want to stay faithful...he can take a long walk.
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