Is it innocent??

[flobug]

I have a friend she is separated from her partner to which they have a four year old daughter, they have been separated for two years but during that time have continued trying to work things out.
I visited today with my children and we were talking together, my friend made a passing comment about how when he stays he sleeps in their daughters bed instead of with her which bothers her.
Which seemed like a red light with me.
While we were talking the kids were in her daughters room watching a movie sitting in the bed, our daughters are 6 weeks apart, when I went in my daughter got out of the bed with no pants on, I sort of got a fright and asked her where her pants were and why she had taken them off, something she has never ever done before. My friend commented that her daughter does it all the time?
It seemed like another red light for me.
I do not want to be accusing anyone of something that might not be happening but when I think over many things my friend has discussed over the past year I get a strange feeling about the father/Daughter relationship, am I being to cautious or is it something I should talk to her about?

[Londres70]

There is a FINE line between being a busybody and a concerned friend.

[Nighthawk61]

I've often heard of women sleeping with their child, regardless of their gender. I don't think that a father doing so is indicative automatically of anything nefarious. It does bother your friend, and so when she talks about something that does bother her, all you can do is listen and by doing so be a comfort.

And I agree that without proof of anything gong on untoward, that you should worry only about the actions of your own girl.like not letting her be alone with this family that does not hold the same values as yourself. And certainly not undressing while on a play date. These are things that you can be doing. You're hands are not tied. Also, make sure that you talk to your daughter about never keeping "secrets" and have the talk about nobody has the right to touch her body in her private area. etc. If you have not already. There's nothing wrong with you being vigilant in order to protect your daughter, and nothing wrong with you opening up the dialogue about what's happened. Thanks for the post. It is always good to talk openly about anything that could harm a child.

[Londres70]

Ditto SM...........staying out of their business would probably be best.

[Londres70]

How old is the daughter?

How well do you know your friend?

This is a very, very, very delicate subject, therefore, if you decide to discuss this with your friend tread lighty.  It is apparent she is aware of her child's and husband's behavior.  Why she is choosing not to act on this I don't know.

I really think you should just be there for your friend and not intrude on this as this could be totally innocent in the end.  If you are sure the child is really in a bad situation, then you can contact CPS and let them investigate what is going on, BUT you need to be SURE.  

I can understand why this man wouldn't sleep in the same bed as his estranged wife, but not understanding why he is sleeping in his daughter's bed and why his estranged wife isn't objecting this and talking with him about his behavior.

These people may just be strange behind closed doors without doing anything criminally wrong and that isn't a crime.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  You should not be accusing anyone.  Your friend is a grown adult is she not?  SHE is the one responsible for protecting her child.  If it bothers her that her husband comes over to spend the night and sleeps with their daughter, why is she not discussing that with her husband?  

You have to keep your business as your business and your friend's business as her business, and just be a listener to her issues without involving yourself.  Ever.

As to your daughter, I'd question a bit more about what happened and not allow her to be unsupervised with this friend.  

good luck