Is it normal to still think about my boyfriends affair almost daily?

[calcay423]

I caught my boyfriend receiving oral sex in my car, in my driveway. At first he denied it. Tried to convince me that what I saw wasn't what was going on. Keep in mind the woman he was cheating on me with was his 2nd cousin (much younger than he) she also lived next door at the time. Our next door neighbors are his parents. I went next door and confronted her. She was very drunk and admitted that what I saw is what happened. She also took a bunch of pills in a botched attempt to kill herself. She was in the mental hospital for 3 days. That entire time my bf kept telling me they didn't have sex. It was a one time mistake they were drunk blah, blah, blah. Close to a month after she returned from the hospital I got up enough courage to face her and get the truth. She admitted to me that they had sex twice prior to me catching them. He would sneak out of our house after I went to sleep and go next door. He promised me over and over that they didn't have sex. So of course when I confronted him again he finally told me the truth. I decided that I would forgive him and move on from it. I found out a little over a month ago that he had said to her shortly after that they needed to do a better job at not getting caught. He said it was stupid and he never should have said it. He is an alcoholic. We do not discuss it any more. 3 months after the affair we went out I got extremely drunk and flipped out. I broke things, I hit him repeatedly. I did things I don't even remember. We don't talk about the affair anymore. Anytime I bring it up he turns it around on me and throws up my psycho incident and tells me how I am lucky that he chose to forgive me for it because he shouldn't have. The hard part to all of this is that we have problems in our relationship already. Prior to the affair he had denied me of any kind of sexual intimacy for almost 11 months. Shortly after the affair we had sex all the time. Things were great between us. That last close to a month. After I had my breakdown he is back to withholding sex I believe as a form of punishment. We have not had any kind of intimacy in close to 3 months. He says it's because of the abuse he took that night. Is it normal for me to still think about it almost everyday? Most days it doesn't consume my thoughts. I just have a fleeting memory pop up but some days like today. I feel like it happened yesterday.  

[Londres70]

DITTO SM, Chima and Tink.

Get out of this and MOVE on.  This is totally unhealthy and toxic.

[specialmom]

Honestly, I'm not sure this is a relationship I'd want t salvage.  Just being honest.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

I don't understand why You needed/wanted so much confirmation of what You saw with Your very own eyes - (??!!??)

You knew He was lying to You when He insisted that You didn't see what You saw !! He's telling You "don't believe Your own lying eyes") yet You pursued this until You got the 'truth' from Her.  You KNOW what You saw and it was VERY bold, controlling of Him to deny it ( I can't even think of words STRONG enough to describe His denial - so bold and controlling will have to do) when He KNOWS You saw Him !!

So  - He cheats, He lies, He withholds sex......and You love Him why?? ??

You deserve better treatment than this.  This I know is true.

Regards,
Tink

[Chima7]

He was punishing you before he cheated by withholding intimacy from you.  Then he cheated on you with his 2nd cousin (gross). Now he continues to punish you by withholding intimacy claiming that it's your fault that he cheated in the first place.  This guy is a piece of work. He's not your boyfriend. He's not even a friend.

There is no relationship here, just some guy punishing you for some reason and you continuing to sit there and take it.  I think you should stop being his doormat and move on.  He will never be the thoughtful caring boyfriend that you want to have, he will always be what he is right now.  That makes for a very miserable and unhappy life for you, the longer you stay with him.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, been there my self and these images will continue as long as your with him. If you decide to leave (i would and did) they will gradually disappear and end up in your later years as bad dreams. This is the tragety of being innocent victims as we suffer endlessly over the selfish acts of some one we love and trust.