Aa
I really need avice BADLY! Please help!
So im not sure if medhelp is good with relationships haha, but anyways im Hannah and im 16. There is this guy in my life and his name is Rudy. Hes in college and Yes im allowed to date him please don't say anything about the age difference. I had a crush on him last year we had drama class together, i was to shy to talk to him but during this summer he came over a few times. and we hung out and things got serious but even though we did stuff he didn't want to date me, now rudy isn't the type of guy to use girls his last relationship was 3 years long. I have anxiety issues and i cant get in a car so i thought that was the reason but he told me it wasn't. I didn't see him for 5 months. Then a few weeks ago he asked if i wanted to hang out..i don't know if i should be excited or sad. I still cant get in the car and i feel like if he comes over ill just make out with him like how it normally goes.Before anyone thinks im like a *****, im still a virgin its not like we had sex or anything its just i was invisible to him for almost 2 years and when i finally got his attention i didn't want to loose him but i did...Should i just ignore his request to hang out or hang out and be all sad when he doesn't want to date me, im not sure if he "doesn't" want to date me i mean its been 5 months since hes even seen me. But i just don't know its worth the disappointment. Any Advice?
Your asking what you should do about him I say don't do it. Like you said you will just want to makeout with and it could go farther. You don't want to loose you virginity to someone your not in a serious relationship with. Believe me, I lost my virginity to a guy who was my friend I was young and he took advantage of it. I would just avoid this guy and find your self a good guy who wants a relationship.
I really don't know about the cost. Do you have a major university near you? Sometimes the psychology departments have grad students who can help.
Best wishes.
Best wishes.
I just looked into desensitization therapy, Does it cost alot? if you know please let me know. Im interested but sadly like i said we are short in the money.
Ocean, it will be worth it. The freedom of suddenly realizing you don't have to spend your day trying to avoid things that make you feel panicky is fabulous. It's like flying. I really felt when I realized I could write again - anywhere - it was like being able to fly.
It's embarrassing, I know. I think some people thought I was illiterate, and it was funny that I'd rather they thought I was illiterate rather than realizing I was avoiding a panic attack. Haha.
If you don't know the story already, read the little kid's book "Harry and the Terrible Whatzit". About a boy who was afraid of the monster in the basement. Finally he realizes he can beat that monster with a broom, and he starts whacking at it and the bolder he gets, the smaller the whatzit gets, and finally the whatzit is gone. I think that book would help you - it's great to think of whacking at your fears with a broom - the bolder you get, the smaller they get.
Best wishes. I think you've got more guts than you realize.
It's embarrassing, I know. I think some people thought I was illiterate, and it was funny that I'd rather they thought I was illiterate rather than realizing I was avoiding a panic attack. Haha.
If you don't know the story already, read the little kid's book "Harry and the Terrible Whatzit". About a boy who was afraid of the monster in the basement. Finally he realizes he can beat that monster with a broom, and he starts whacking at it and the bolder he gets, the smaller the whatzit gets, and finally the whatzit is gone. I think that book would help you - it's great to think of whacking at your fears with a broom - the bolder you get, the smaller they get.
Best wishes. I think you've got more guts than you realize.
Oh my lord that just made me cry! In a good way haha.Look im sorry for freaking out its just with my issues i get bullied and made fun of because of it so im realllyyy defensive. But with the car, i can come up with every excuse in the book and get out of it just so i can go in my room and hide with a bag of food, and believe me my weight shows it was 120 now im 129 in just 3 weeks... All because i dont get out and move anymore, its like im aware of my issues and how stupid it sounds but im just to scared to face it, im to exhausted im 16 and already giving up on everything. I will try my hardest like you did to get over this..I hope it works. Your story is truly inspirational to me.
So. Back to desensitization.
In desensitization therapy, you aren't allowed ritual preparations before the event.
What would happen if you got in the car without all the rituals? It would be horribly uncomfortable, and then it would be over.
I'm telling you this, Ocean, because I DO know about anxiety and panic and rituals. I went through a couple years of trauma and during that time I lost the ability to write (actually sign my name) in public if someone was watching. Weird, I know, but if you search it on the net it's pretty common in people with panic disorders.
So I stopped writing checks, I stopped signing "sign in" sheets and I would go by the doctor's or vet's office or whoever and pick up any forms that had to be completed for anything and do them at home. I'd say I won't have time when I come in, bla bla bla bla a lie. I couldn't write with anyone watching me.
I know this is long but I want you to know I get panic and avoidance.
I couldn't write myself a nametag - which I have to do about weekly. So I'd hand the blank tag to someone I knew had great handwriting and I'd say I love your writing would you write my nametag? I would bring name tags ahead of the event.
I would shake so badly in public that my handwriting was absolutely illegible. What I could write didn't look like letters at all, it was horrible and people would stare at what I'd done. It all came to a head one day when I had a repairman at the house, he was doing deckwork and I knew I couldn't write a check. For God's sake. Unbelievable. I was running my life in cash because I couldn't sign checks, I couldn't even sign credit cards anymore. Then I lost the ability to write anything anyone would read - I couldn't write at all anymore, except stuff to myself like reminders or grocery lists. I couldn't address an envelope or jot something on a sticky note that someone would later read.
Imagine how debilitating - to not be able to write. You have to write EVERYDAY.
So I read about desensitization for anxiety and by God, I got out there and wrote in public. I went shopping and walked right up to the meanest looking clerk on duty and wrote my check, I don't give a damn if she sees me shake like a leaf, I'm doing it. I went to the Y and filled out an application to join right under the nose of the clerk.
Guess what? I can write now, and my handwriting is fluid and beautiful. It took weeks of writing every chance I could get in front of people, but the anxiety monster is gone. Poof. Beat that demon back!
I know this is long, I just want you to know you have to take that bull by the horns, Ocean. You have to stop this ritual - you're now more afraid of vomiting in the car, or having a panic attack, than you are of the car itself. You're now afraid of your panic, you're not afraid of the car.
Girl, go get in the car and ask to be driven around. And you will shake, and sweat, and maybe hyperventilate. Tomorrow, do it again. Go get in the car.
That's the only way to fix this. Been there, done that, have the long winded story to tell about it. You can DO IT. You just have to do it.
In desensitization therapy, you aren't allowed ritual preparations before the event.
What would happen if you got in the car without all the rituals? It would be horribly uncomfortable, and then it would be over.
I'm telling you this, Ocean, because I DO know about anxiety and panic and rituals. I went through a couple years of trauma and during that time I lost the ability to write (actually sign my name) in public if someone was watching. Weird, I know, but if you search it on the net it's pretty common in people with panic disorders.
So I stopped writing checks, I stopped signing "sign in" sheets and I would go by the doctor's or vet's office or whoever and pick up any forms that had to be completed for anything and do them at home. I'd say I won't have time when I come in, bla bla bla bla a lie. I couldn't write with anyone watching me.
I know this is long but I want you to know I get panic and avoidance.
I couldn't write myself a nametag - which I have to do about weekly. So I'd hand the blank tag to someone I knew had great handwriting and I'd say I love your writing would you write my nametag? I would bring name tags ahead of the event.
I would shake so badly in public that my handwriting was absolutely illegible. What I could write didn't look like letters at all, it was horrible and people would stare at what I'd done. It all came to a head one day when I had a repairman at the house, he was doing deckwork and I knew I couldn't write a check. For God's sake. Unbelievable. I was running my life in cash because I couldn't sign checks, I couldn't even sign credit cards anymore. Then I lost the ability to write anything anyone would read - I couldn't write at all anymore, except stuff to myself like reminders or grocery lists. I couldn't address an envelope or jot something on a sticky note that someone would later read.
Imagine how debilitating - to not be able to write. You have to write EVERYDAY.
So I read about desensitization for anxiety and by God, I got out there and wrote in public. I went shopping and walked right up to the meanest looking clerk on duty and wrote my check, I don't give a damn if she sees me shake like a leaf, I'm doing it. I went to the Y and filled out an application to join right under the nose of the clerk.
Guess what? I can write now, and my handwriting is fluid and beautiful. It took weeks of writing every chance I could get in front of people, but the anxiety monster is gone. Poof. Beat that demon back!
I know this is long, I just want you to know you have to take that bull by the horns, Ocean. You have to stop this ritual - you're now more afraid of vomiting in the car, or having a panic attack, than you are of the car itself. You're now afraid of your panic, you're not afraid of the car.
Girl, go get in the car and ask to be driven around. And you will shake, and sweat, and maybe hyperventilate. Tomorrow, do it again. Go get in the car.
That's the only way to fix this. Been there, done that, have the long winded story to tell about it. You can DO IT. You just have to do it.
Hi, Yes it has been 9 years when everything started. I have depression, anxiety disorder,OCD, and emetophobia. Im in online school i was in public school up until this year. I had 57 panic attacks in my first block class and went to the hospital for a week. From there i went to a behavioral Hospital but they did nothing for me and i was released (that place was more for drug addicted teens) I have been on many medications throughout the spand of the issues starting from when i was7 or 8 starting with Zoloft and that didnt work so i have tried up to 6 different medications in those 9 years. My issues became worse when my brother past away last year.It seems like nothing has worked since then, i have tried so many things but it seems they all cost amounts of money my parents can no longer give.
I'm not judging, Ocean, I'm asking.
You don't say a lot in your posts, and one thing you've made clear is that you don't ride in a car, and there you are in a car.
If you want people to try to help you out on this forum, it's fair that people will ask for clarity.
You don't say a lot in your posts, and one thing you've made clear is that you don't ride in a car, and there you are in a car.
If you want people to try to help you out on this forum, it's fair that people will ask for clarity.
FYI! I was on 2 xanex with my parents driving in that picture,And i dont eat if i know i MIGHT HAVE TO get in the car i.e a doctors appt. in that picture i didnt eat for two days! Dont judge till you know the facts!
COMMUNITY LEADER
These ladies are right on the money. Until you can live life fully--------- free of anxiety and panic attacks, you will not be able to live a full life. Therapists are wonderful but you need a clinical psychologist that specializes in what it is exactly you are diagnosed with. Medication sounds like it will be necessary.
At 16, you must have been diagnosed young---------- and to have had no improvement in all these years (9, you say?) is not great as you know.
At 16, I think working on your social life would be a good idea but that doesn't mean inviting a boy over for a make out session. Get out of your house and do something------- even if you have to walk. How do you go to school?
I think I must read back on your other posts you've had to see if there are any clues as to what is going on here.
At 16, you must have been diagnosed young---------- and to have had no improvement in all these years (9, you say?) is not great as you know.
At 16, I think working on your social life would be a good idea but that doesn't mean inviting a boy over for a make out session. Get out of your house and do something------- even if you have to walk. How do you go to school?
I think I must read back on your other posts you've had to see if there are any clues as to what is going on here.
In you're profile picture you're sitting in a car, looking calm.
I really kind of don't get this thread. Is that you in your profile picture?
I really kind of don't get this thread. Is that you in your profile picture?
As rockrose, said you need to find a new therapist who specializes in desensitization therapy. They can help you to take baby steps to get into a car and eventually to ride in the car.
Ive had it for 9 years,Still trying to work on it, i have therapists and physiologists And take meds nothing seems to work.
I think you should find a therapist who does anxiety desensitization therapy and improve your life 100%. Not being able to get into a car will ruin your life.
Desensitization is pretty straight forward - you get closer and closer to the car and finally in it and then driving down the road and then driving in heavy traffic.
I can't imagine how you get around with that inability.
Desensitization is pretty straight forward - you get closer and closer to the car and finally in it and then driving down the road and then driving in heavy traffic.
I can't imagine how you get around with that inability.
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