Is there hope for me and my relationship? Im clingy and dont want to lose him...

[aussiegirl178]

I have been with my boyfriend for approx 2 yrs. I used to live at his fathers house and baby sat his younger siblings. I am 21 and he is 17.. 18 in a few weeks... we never meant to fall in love but we did.. his dad was fine with it but then when I moved out has since turned on me. His family were like my family and now I'm banned from there. I thought everything was OK with me and my boyfriend but then out of the blue he didn't talk to me and broke up with me. I was devastated and completely hurt as the night before he said he could never see us breaking up. He then said stuff like we would never get back together I'm too clingy il never change etc.. (which I admit I am) that I never let go of stuff and always nag. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship like this etc.. I only do this cos I care and don’t want his dad to constantly abuse him and make his life unbearable.

About a week later we started hanging out again and he asked me back out told me he never stopped loving me and he only did it because his dad and friends were pressuring him to not be with me.. he loves me I know he does and he tells me.. we have decided to keep things secret until he is 18 in a few weeks..just so no one tries to push him around. I find that I am constantly thinking negative things like he will cheat on me (he has kissed a girl whilst drunk about a ye ago) or leave me or dump me again.. he says he won't do it again.. and I'm scared I'm pushing him away I love him so much. I understand why he doesn't want to tell anyone until he is 18 because then they can't force or manipulate him to do stuff.. it so hard though I need to always know what he is doing and always want to be around him. I call him when his with his mates and at work and I know it bothers him.. I never used to be like that and I know I'm pushing him away by clinging. I get so upset and work myself up into hysterics if I don't hear from him and I'm obsessing and over analyzing and over thinking every conversation. please help me figure out how to prevent myself from losing him.. he still loves me.

We went out last night and his dad had called him and abused him whilst with me.. he said we would still be together and that nothing will get between us.. i love him so much.. he told me this morning that he is moving out tonight. Im trying not to msg andcall him so much and he says im doing better but im so terrified to lose him.. i have never been like this before and its really hurting me. I dont like who i have become.. Please help..

[specialmom]

What do you mean you lived with his father, paid the bills because he didn't work and watched the kids for him . . . something sounds a little off here.  Were you his father's girlfriend?  I'm sorry but after your last message, this is all too strange.  Next.

[mami1323]

I am hung up on the age only because I know how those first love relationships go. They don't tend to last and that's for a reason. People grow and mature and don't always grow in the same direction. You need to understand that he is young and so are you. Move on and leave his family alone.

[drh_90]

i believe you can find someone else with  the same if not better emotional connection you have with this guy with less stress. im not so hung up about the age but the lees stress and unnecessary baggage, the better

[aussiegirl178]

Technically we have only been together this yr.. before that it was more an emotional and friendship based relationship..
His dad was fine with us being together bt only hated it when i moved out (i paid for most things as his dad didnt work) I wasnt employed by him i used to look after the kids as a favour (unpaid)
My boyfriend broke up with me again and this time its for good.
He is young but very mature. it was not a puppy love and i dont not want to degrade it to that. He had been with other girls.. he approached and chased and wanted to be with me.. i did try harrd to resist but i loved him and to be honest i couldnt.. my heart played with my head.. for a long time.. thats why it was only this yr something happened.
I have let him go now and if he does love me he will come back. I am finding it really hard and i know he must be too. We had a really good relationship until the pressure got to much for him (you really need to understand his dad he is abusive and aggresive)
Im hurting so much but I suppose only time will tell...

[jo929]

also really meant to say age wise he is also to young for a real relationship and to know what real love is what he feels is puppy love  luck  jo

[jo929]

He is a young man and has not had time to date or even finish college, and he must sow his wild oats before he settles down, and you must give him that chance even if it hurts he is to young for you, i am not talking age wise life wise you are 21, and need to get on with your life and in a few years see if he still feels the same also it will give you a chance to date  luck jo

[mami1323]

Yeah, I don't want to come off as rude either but you are 21 years old and he is 17.  A four year difference between men and women can be huge, especially when you are both still young and in your formative years.  He's a kid and he's got puppy love for you.  These types of relationships do not tend to last.  I think you both want it to work so badly because you are going against his parents or father's wishes.  Now it becomes a game, to prove to them all that you both love each other and want to be with each other.  When the drama of it all dies down, I do believe the excitment and thrill of the relationship will die along with it.  You started your relationship with him when he was only 15.  He's going to at some point get curious and want to explore and so I really don't think he will be able to be faithful to you all throughout your lifetime together.  He hasn't really explored life yet.  He will one day grow to resent you as well because he will be on the out's with his family and he will miss them and he will blame you for the reason he doesn't have them in his life.  I think you both need to relax and really focus on growing up a bit.  You can't control everything he does and you shouldn't have to.  

[younggrandmother]

I have deleted my comment now 4 times, I don't wont to come across as being rude, but I just can't get passed the point. That this family gave you a job, took you into their home, and trusted you with the safety and welfare of their children,and now you are in love with one of them  Is it legal in Australia to be involved with a boy who is 17 ? The parents also are to blame, how could this go on in their home and not know. They should have hired someone who was a little older. In order to prevent something like this from happening.    

I hope that everything works out for you,  I know that we don't have control of our hart, but we do have control over are actions. This relationship has already brought out the worse in you.( controlling, insecure,obsessing,analyzing ) Give him some space, he needs to mature, I order to have an adult relationship. If you love him like you say you do then you are going to have to let go. He is not ready......      

[aussiegirl178]

thanks for that.. its extremelly stressful.. i will take your advice and hopefully my boy doesnt break up with me today so that way i can offer to talk to his dad (i have prev suggested a meeting with his dad and my bf said no)

[specialmom]

Have you ever heard of Romeo and Juliet?  It ended badly.  I don't know what is in the future for you and your boyfriend-----  but I do know that you can't control many things in life.  The only thing you can control is yourself.  What is my opinion of what you should do------  start working on your self and where you want your life to go.  Think about what type of career or job you would like.  Think of things you like to do and hobbies you can do.  Spend time with friends.  You need a full life in which your boyfriend is just one aspect vs having him be everything to you.  This will help with the clingyness.  Eventually this young man will tire of that----  as most men do.  Bolster yourself up and become the whole package that he'd be crazy to leave vs just calling him constantly and obsessing over the relationship to the point that he feels stifled.  That is really all you can control here.  

I'd also not feed any drama between him and his dad.  Family IS important whether you agree with how his dad treats him or not.  A relationship with his dad and family is important.  If you make it You vs them (which I understand they have)-----  you may very well lose.  So stay neutral on the subject.  Apologize to his dad if you have it in you . . .here's why.  His dad trusted you to come into his house as the nanny to care for his younger kids and you ended up loving on his older (minor) son.  While it happens and that is life-----  his dad has a tiny bit of justification for being upset.  So if you can, try to apologize and try to neutralize the situation so everyone can move on.  

I wish you luck.  High drama can wreck our emotions.  Protect yourself.

[aussiegirl178]

oh and last night his dad didnt know he was with me.. he is verrry controlling and abusive to my bf (thats why i left) so i wasnt the reason he was going psycho (my bf then said if i didnt move out everything would be fine) and last night my bf said he had always planned to get back with me i just needed a big wake up call. im so confused.. all we want is to love each other.. last night before all the drama he said i was his 1st priority.. am i just being silly?