Kids behaviors

Question

I was dating this girl for 7 months and recently broke it off with her. She had a 5 and 8 yr old, both girls.  I know its hard being a single mom. Im a teacher and i see it all the time. I know kids whine and everything, but when they didnt get their way they would always cry and throw a fit. Bed time was very rough, they never wanted to go to bed. I tried to help her talking about being consistent with punishments and everything but it did not seem to work.  She would let the kids yell at her and it would go one for awhile, maybe 20min to an hour sometime.  They never listen to me much, they thought they could yell at me and not listen to me. i would  never-yell at them but would tell them  thats unacceptabel and you neeed to follow directions. its just never got better and I told her it will only get worse with age.  basically what im asking was that the right thing to say? it just never got better behavior wise. They seemed to care less about me and I would do nice things for them too. I guess the teacher in me would come out and correct them a lot . I was raised to respect everybody. I know kids are kids but the tantrums they would throw were bad. Maybe she was raised that way but I wasn't, my parents told me to something I did it. Any opinions would be appreciated

Londres70 · Answer

Why cry over spilled milk?  

She wasn't a good match for you.  

I think you took on the role of father and in fact you were only a bf. Then you were trying to tell your gf how to parent.  You may be a teacher, but you sound like you have NO kids of your own.  How can you tell someone how to parent their own children when  1.  You are only dating and 2. You have NO children of your own.

I think you should leave the role of "teacher" in the classroom.  This gf and her children shouldn't of been treated like pupils.

You come off a bit "high and mighty" and very critical.  You probably are the type finding and correcting the faults of others and that my friend will keep you single.

specialmom · Answer

Didn't you end things with her?  Not sure why you are asking the question.  

I think it is hard to jump on the band wagon of another parent's parenting and their kid's behavior when you are new to the picture.  Who knows?  Maybe the kids weren't thrilled about having you around and were acting out.

You were new to the situation and were trying to come in an authoritative way.  Most psychologists would tell you to not play the father role with kids at this point (a new dating situation).  That is generally ALWAYS going to end bad and had SHE written us, I'd have told her that it is not smart to bring dating partners in and out of kids lives because it is hard on them.  This is an example of that.

I'm also about guiding kids, being positive rather than constantly critical and it sounds like you work from an opposite angle.  

Anyway, this relationship is over and it sounds like it is for the better.  good luck

pkaletta · Answer

Thanks for the input

AnnieBrooke · Answer

If the relationship is over, I would not spend any more time worrying about it, her, her kids, or whether she has finally come around to your way of thinking and seen how correct your advice was. It's possible that you being around made things worse -- children don't usually react that well to Mommy having a boyfriend who is around at bedtime and telling them what to do. (Even if you were her husband, you would only be their stepdad, and a stepdad's primary power base is not authority but his ability to make the kids like him and want to please him.) Even if your presence didn't make things worse, and that was exactly how things were before you came along and is exactly how things are now, you're not a couple any more and you're not her husband. This means "I told you so" and "Have you seen the light?" are messages you don't get to say. I'm sorry.