Lack of sexual desire

[pooja_sai]

hi!
i am a 29 year old woman having a big problem of lack of sexual desire. i got married when i was 22 years old. although it was a love marriage but i never felt sexually attracted to my husband. when he tried to do intercourse with me right after marriage it used to hurt me a lot. he could not go ahead by seeing me in pain. for about 3 years after my marriage we never had any intercourse. even if we tried i never enjoyed n that put my husband aback. we only started having  hand practice. since then sex had always been a struggle for me. but my husband always had to compromise. he loves me a lot. now we have intercourse more regularly but i only enjoy once in 10 days. after having orgasm i don't feel like having it again for about 10-12 days . as the days go by my sexual desire increases.after 2 weeks i am full on and enjoy it but then i get totally turned off for another 2 weeks. now my husband has started suffering badly because of my disinterest in sex. i really need help. i want to have a want for sex. i really want to have a big sex drive that i just don't seem to have. do i have any medical problem?? can u please help me??

[mrblue1991]

Yeah katarina does have some good points on the whole attraction thing - but you love the guy right?

If it hurts you when you have sex, is this because he is too big, or because your too small? etc....Try spicing up your sex life a bit more...use more sensual lubes and get yourself some toys! Make it a really fun thing to look forward to! Before you actually have sex, spend a lot of time on foreplay - bath together, have oral with each other, role play - make things exciting and really get your hormones pumping.

Also, try changing your diet so it consists of more 'sex foods' - things like cherries really increase the sex drive, so get a good dose of them each day! Chocolate contains phenylalanine, an amino acid that raises the body's endorphins, our natural antidepressants. Enjoyed in moderation, a few morsels can lift libido, providing a tantalizing prelude to sex.

As well as eating, try to exercise regularly, as exercise also releases endorphins, the feel good hormone.

Although some foods arouse, others can impair sexual function. Fried fare and rich cream sauces can leave us feeling more sluggish than sexy. What's more, excessive sugar, salt, saturated fat and highly processed foods are linked to frigidity, difficulty reaching orgasm and lack of interest in sex. Cutting back on these foods will help revive and preserve sexual vitality and enhance overall well-being. It's also a good idea to limit consumption of alcohol and coffee, and to skip tobacco altogether. These "pleasure drugs" can dampen sexual desire and leech beneficial nutrients vital to our sexual health.

Build yourself a sex driven diet consisting of lots of fresh fruit which are full of antioxidants and thought to be imbued with aphrodisiac properties. Also a kind helping of fresh veg contains sex-drive boosting properties, especially avocado, asparagus, tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots. Sea food is also another way to help you hit it off, shell foods fuel the body, brain the and sex drive and are rich in zinc which is a vital sexual nutrient.

As well as making a fabulous diet, take a daily multivitamin to help your body work to its optimum. Vitimins such as A,B,C & E groups are vital to sexual funtioning.  Vitamin E, for instance, supplies the sex organs with sufficient oxygen. B vitamins, including niacin and B-5, can help men and women reach orgasm and improve sexual stamina. Selenium, manganese and of course, zinc, are also vital in regulating hormones and revving up sex drive. Rather than taking these individually, take a multivitamin/mineral to ensure correct dosages.

Hope you can improve with this advice,
Good luck with your new sex life :D

Mr. Blue

[katarina777]

I am definitely not an expert, and I am sure you will get better answers, but almost the very first thing you said sticks out for me. That you were not, and may still not be, sexually/physically attracted to your husband. There appears to be a lack of chemistry, and that may be a powerful factor in your problem.

How do you feel when you meet a/any man in your life where you have felt this chemistry that you do not feel with your husband. Or have you?

This attraction happens to me quite a lot and we both feel it, and often the men are married, but it's never something we have acted upon, and when you do it often ruins it. It's not like cheating. it's just like a really nice feeling of being alive, and of the sort that makes life worth living but one never has to talk about it, (and should not) and then it often lasts forever.

I am just throwing around questions in my mind.

Also, it appears like the timing where you feel something sexually is very regular and almost systematic. Where do you think this comes fro,m? Could it be related to your menstrual cycle, and/or is the sexuality you feel originating from you independently of your husband's existence, or otherwise?

What do you think?

Have you talked to your gynecologist about this. Could you have something like endometriosis? Do you and your husband talk about what feels good and not so good?

I am wondering about many things, here.