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Lack of want/need romantic relationships?
Hello.
I'm wondering, is this normal, to just not care about romantically being with someone? Firstly, I must add that I personally don't have a problem in any way with the way I am, and am only asking out of curiosity spurred on by the fact that it seems many other people find this to be quite abnormal behavior.
I have been in relationships before, never for very long, however. My longest one was 10 months, the second longest being only three (however I'd known the kid for a year beforehand). Those were the only two committed relationships I've ever been in, and I had one other that lasted only a small while and was purely physical. This was only occasional, however, and we never had sex. I was sexually active with both of my committed relationships, however although I was 'ready' for it, I had no interest in it after about the second time.
I don't really understand relationships, or attraction. I have experienced what I thought was love, but only for short periods of time (with each of my committed relationships). After too long, I got sick of them, however, and gradually began to dislike, and eventually hate them. The first didn't end very well, and we broke contact. The second, I said we'd 'stay friends' with no intentions to actually do so. He, however, didn't understand that I was abiding by formalities and has been continuing to try and speak with me, which drives me up the wall.
I don't understand cuddling, kissing, etc. It doesn't interest me. People have to basically force me to give them a hug, and I always glare at them before doing so, a warning not worth ignoring for the next time they're looking for affection. I don't like people, and have often been described as a 'robot' and 'having no feelings'. I've also been described as a 'great person', and by the same people, 'vindictive, condescending, and manipulative'. Which, is true. I do tend to use people, but I don't really get what is so ridiculous about it. I don't feel bad, and I get annoyed when other people expect me to.
I don't really get crushes on people, and if I do, they are rare and last very short. I don't really have any sexual drive, and if I get any sexual urges, they fly off before I can even satisfy them. I would love a friend to follow me around (and know when to leave me to myself) and be there, but I don't want romance, and I don't want sex. I don't even feel like I can fully process what love or a want for a relationship is. They seem stupid to me, a waste of time, and don't even get me started on marriage or children.
I'm wondering, is this normal, to just not care about romantically being with someone? Firstly, I must add that I personally don't have a problem in any way with the way I am, and am only asking out of curiosity spurred on by the fact that it seems many other people find this to be quite abnormal behavior.
I have been in relationships before, never for very long, however. My longest one was 10 months, the second longest being only three (however I'd known the kid for a year beforehand). Those were the only two committed relationships I've ever been in, and I had one other that lasted only a small while and was purely physical. This was only occasional, however, and we never had sex. I was sexually active with both of my committed relationships, however although I was 'ready' for it, I had no interest in it after about the second time.
I don't really understand relationships, or attraction. I have experienced what I thought was love, but only for short periods of time (with each of my committed relationships). After too long, I got sick of them, however, and gradually began to dislike, and eventually hate them. The first didn't end very well, and we broke contact. The second, I said we'd 'stay friends' with no intentions to actually do so. He, however, didn't understand that I was abiding by formalities and has been continuing to try and speak with me, which drives me up the wall.
I don't understand cuddling, kissing, etc. It doesn't interest me. People have to basically force me to give them a hug, and I always glare at them before doing so, a warning not worth ignoring for the next time they're looking for affection. I don't like people, and have often been described as a 'robot' and 'having no feelings'. I've also been described as a 'great person', and by the same people, 'vindictive, condescending, and manipulative'. Which, is true. I do tend to use people, but I don't really get what is so ridiculous about it. I don't feel bad, and I get annoyed when other people expect me to.
I don't really get crushes on people, and if I do, they are rare and last very short. I don't really have any sexual drive, and if I get any sexual urges, they fly off before I can even satisfy them. I would love a friend to follow me around (and know when to leave me to myself) and be there, but I don't want romance, and I don't want sex. I don't even feel like I can fully process what love or a want for a relationship is. They seem stupid to me, a waste of time, and don't even get me started on marriage or children.
I was looking for opinions. I got the ones I asked for, and more. I'll be leaving now considering I'm clearly not welcome.
I never said or expected you to be professionals. Think what you want, but I appreciate the help and am not trying to antagonize anyone.
Ditto, ditto and ditto Nursegirl.
It is POSSIBLE to have Asperger's and not be diagnosed until later on in life. Lots of people are NOT correctly diagnosed with "this and that" until later on in life. I am talking in general not saying this does or doesn't apply to you. Be grateful the poster is TAKING her time out to help you as she doesn't have to do that.
Secondly, we are NOT professionals....i.e. Psychologist or Psychiatrist. If you WANT an exact diagnosis or diagnoses, then SEEK one from a professional. My guess is that you probably will be given diagnoses vs. a diagnosis.
This forum isn't here to antagonize people........that's what I think you are doing.
It is POSSIBLE to have Asperger's and not be diagnosed until later on in life. Lots of people are NOT correctly diagnosed with "this and that" until later on in life. I am talking in general not saying this does or doesn't apply to you. Be grateful the poster is TAKING her time out to help you as she doesn't have to do that.
Secondly, we are NOT professionals....i.e. Psychologist or Psychiatrist. If you WANT an exact diagnosis or diagnoses, then SEEK one from a professional. My guess is that you probably will be given diagnoses vs. a diagnosis.
This forum isn't here to antagonize people........that's what I think you are doing.
That is not my intention, and yes, people can obviously reply. It wasn't an order. You don't need to get so upset over everything I say, my intentions aren't hostile.
Please note that I am not angry, and appreciate the help and opinions. I know my qualities are not ideal, I just didn't understand why people were suggesting a disease found in small children.
Thank you all.
Thank you all.
We're here to help people when they come here for advice. You don't seem to "want" help, yet you're posting. Kind of contradictory, no?
You said your profile info is no longer relevant? How? Didn't YOU write it? Did you have a 5 minute bout of anxiety? I don't at all understand. How can you so quickly dismiss words that YOU yourself wrote? Were they not truthful?
You're getting all bothered that it was suggested that you have some disturbing tendencies or traits. Again, we are here to give our honest take on a situation, and some people don't sugar coat their opinion. YOU of all people should appreciate that. The FACT is, you exhibit a LOT of traits that would go along with an antisocial personality disorder, and I'm sure, being as smart as you are...know the indications of having that kind of disorder. It's hard to ignore those kinds of things. You're apathetic, flat, lack empathy, don't really view people as "people", lack the interest in any kind of emotional relationship. Those are NOT really endearing qualities. Those are qualities that can lead to bad things. That's just a simple fact. I'm not saying "YOU are going to do bad things".
NO ONE has said here that you need to change, in fact we've all said the opposite. If YOU'RE happy with who you are, that's all that matters. I don't think you really ARE happy with who you are...not at all. You're not willing to seek out a professional; psych eval, so obviously you're never going to know what you "really" may be dealing with.
None of us are qualified to assess you. All we're able to do is throw out some opinions based on what you told us...and we did so, with explanations of how we came to those conclusions. When something negative was said...you got royally pissed off. That's fine too...but if you WANT honest opinions, then you have to be ready for HONEST answers.
I'm not sure what else we could possibly tell you. It's pretty much unanimous that we all have recommended a psych eval. There's NOTHING wrong with that at all. I've been under the care of numerous psychs in my lifetime for panic and depression. You seem to want to make a broad judgement about the psych system based on ONE experience you had a long time ago. You're a VERY smart girl...you KNOW that isn't reasonable. You also have a solution for the "expense" aspect of it. The ONLY thing holding you back at this point from seeking some answers and insight is YOU...and I would hope you would at least be honest with YOURSELF about why that is.
If you're happy with how you are, and how your life is going (devoid of a lot of personal, fulfilling relationships), then so be it...but I have a HARD time believing that is the case (that you're satisfied and fulfilled). Only YOU know those answers, and you have no obligation to explain anything to anyone. You came here...asked questions and got honest answers. That's really all we can do.
Good luck to you.
You said your profile info is no longer relevant? How? Didn't YOU write it? Did you have a 5 minute bout of anxiety? I don't at all understand. How can you so quickly dismiss words that YOU yourself wrote? Were they not truthful?
You're getting all bothered that it was suggested that you have some disturbing tendencies or traits. Again, we are here to give our honest take on a situation, and some people don't sugar coat their opinion. YOU of all people should appreciate that. The FACT is, you exhibit a LOT of traits that would go along with an antisocial personality disorder, and I'm sure, being as smart as you are...know the indications of having that kind of disorder. It's hard to ignore those kinds of things. You're apathetic, flat, lack empathy, don't really view people as "people", lack the interest in any kind of emotional relationship. Those are NOT really endearing qualities. Those are qualities that can lead to bad things. That's just a simple fact. I'm not saying "YOU are going to do bad things".
NO ONE has said here that you need to change, in fact we've all said the opposite. If YOU'RE happy with who you are, that's all that matters. I don't think you really ARE happy with who you are...not at all. You're not willing to seek out a professional; psych eval, so obviously you're never going to know what you "really" may be dealing with.
None of us are qualified to assess you. All we're able to do is throw out some opinions based on what you told us...and we did so, with explanations of how we came to those conclusions. When something negative was said...you got royally pissed off. That's fine too...but if you WANT honest opinions, then you have to be ready for HONEST answers.
I'm not sure what else we could possibly tell you. It's pretty much unanimous that we all have recommended a psych eval. There's NOTHING wrong with that at all. I've been under the care of numerous psychs in my lifetime for panic and depression. You seem to want to make a broad judgement about the psych system based on ONE experience you had a long time ago. You're a VERY smart girl...you KNOW that isn't reasonable. You also have a solution for the "expense" aspect of it. The ONLY thing holding you back at this point from seeking some answers and insight is YOU...and I would hope you would at least be honest with YOURSELF about why that is.
If you're happy with how you are, and how your life is going (devoid of a lot of personal, fulfilling relationships), then so be it...but I have a HARD time believing that is the case (that you're satisfied and fulfilled). Only YOU know those answers, and you have no obligation to explain anything to anyone. You came here...asked questions and got honest answers. That's really all we can do.
Good luck to you.
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