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Losing virginity as an adult?
I am 20 years old and still a virgin. Rare, I know. lol. Ive only had I think 5 boyfriends in my entire life, and last official boyfriend was a little over 3 years ago. I had a "thing" a year ago for 6 months. For how long I've gone single and me not getting out much to meet new people in college I don't see myself losing it anytime soon, but you never know. I have also not done much else, only kissing and giving handjobs.
In high school I always said I would wait until marriage for someone, but as I got older really didn't see the point.
What are your opinions on losing virgnities at an 'older' age? What's too short of a time to wait, or too long if you love the person and have a good relationship? I think if I met someone and had a great relationship, I see no reason in waiting out for a very extended period of time.
Any tips on dating for virgins? It can be difficult finding guys to meet with the stigma being a virgin at 20 brings
In high school I always said I would wait until marriage for someone, but as I got older really didn't see the point.
What are your opinions on losing virgnities at an 'older' age? What's too short of a time to wait, or too long if you love the person and have a good relationship? I think if I met someone and had a great relationship, I see no reason in waiting out for a very extended period of time.
Any tips on dating for virgins? It can be difficult finding guys to meet with the stigma being a virgin at 20 brings
I am 21 and still a virgin in college so I know the feeling and the struggle me and my two girlfriends know the feeling.. one is keeping until she is married the other is like me just Idk what to do..a women who is 29 in the Olympics said being a virgin is the harder than training.g for the Olympics.. so its tough and no offense to other girls but they make it way harder on us.. I have friends that say if I could keep it I would of ...so people who tend to say keep it until your married and haven't done so has no idea how hard it is ..especially when your in a relationship and there are so many girls who put out .. so doll you aren't alone its tough ..cause nowadays morals and standards aren't the same .. but I do say this don't lose it just because you will feel like Crap later ...I decided to try to make it until marriage but if not at least to the right guy :) best of luck to you :)
Look at all the comments here!, it's like the virgin alarm went off!
Hey, listen up, I'm a guy - I was 22. Relax, their aint no rules and what others think is of no concern of yours. Don't make a big fuss. The right guy (at least in my opinion) shouldn't matter to him virgin or not ;)
Hey, listen up, I'm a guy - I was 22. Relax, their aint no rules and what others think is of no concern of yours. Don't make a big fuss. The right guy (at least in my opinion) shouldn't matter to him virgin or not ;)
Good for you! Your virginity is precious and will make it so much more meaningful when you save it for that special guy!
Like Vance said, there are some celebritites that are saving themselves for marriage too. It is too bad that the younger generation don't look up to these people as role models. Tim Tebow seems like a very delightful person. I totally admire his open relationship with God. Its too bad that so many people bash on him. But that's besides the point.
Don't give in to doing it because other people are. It is so meaningless unless its done with someone you love and respect.
Good luck hun,
~VQ
Like Vance said, there are some celebritites that are saving themselves for marriage too. It is too bad that the younger generation don't look up to these people as role models. Tim Tebow seems like a very delightful person. I totally admire his open relationship with God. Its too bad that so many people bash on him. But that's besides the point.
Don't give in to doing it because other people are. It is so meaningless unless its done with someone you love and respect.
Good luck hun,
~VQ
Being a guy I have a few things to say.
1. I waited till I was 21 and I actually wish I waited longer.
2. A lot of guys your age are looking for sex, so any guy who is wanting you for you will wait, and you should make him wait.
3. I can see how other sex acts are different then intercourse but you should make the guy wait for anything sexual beyond kissing, because guys your age basically just want sex.
4. Many may not know who this is but Tim Tebow a NFL QB is like 23-24 and a virgin, he is saving himself for marriage. So use him as an example. But also look at people like Jordan Sparks-saving herself, Jonas Brothers. All virgins until marriage. Nothing wrong with being a virgin, but you have to let the guys know if you start kissing that it is not going beyond that for a while no matter what they say.
1. I waited till I was 21 and I actually wish I waited longer.
2. A lot of guys your age are looking for sex, so any guy who is wanting you for you will wait, and you should make him wait.
3. I can see how other sex acts are different then intercourse but you should make the guy wait for anything sexual beyond kissing, because guys your age basically just want sex.
4. Many may not know who this is but Tim Tebow a NFL QB is like 23-24 and a virgin, he is saving himself for marriage. So use him as an example. But also look at people like Jordan Sparks-saving herself, Jonas Brothers. All virgins until marriage. Nothing wrong with being a virgin, but you have to let the guys know if you start kissing that it is not going beyond that for a while no matter what they say.
Will agree with Tink about the "handjob" business. Leave this 100% for that special someone. Plus, what would you be getting out of that anyways while he is walking around with a smile on his face.
I will agree that too many girls just enter into having sex SOLELY thinking everyone else is doing it so I have to too. I commend you for waiting; at least you are your own person and not a "crowd follower."
If you love the person and feel that the relationship is stable and has developed over a period of time, then I don't see a problem with having sex. I was 19 and I did just that. I had been dating my bf for 18 months and decided to take things to the next level. I didn't see any "stars" the first time. It took me some getting use to before I could enjoy it. I thought...."Is this what everyone was bragging about?" Pffff! After a while I thought....."Oh, now I know what everyone was bragging about." :<))
Definitely don't sleep with anyone before the 6 month mark; my opinion. I made my bf wait 18 months because that is when I felt comfortable enough to do it. BOTH persons need to feel ok or comfortable about doing this.
No need to tell a guy about you being a virgin UNTIL you feel you are in a COMMITTED relationship with him.
Back in time when I was young, young guys loved the idea a girl/young woman was a virgin because it was a big deal for him to be her "first." Guess times have changed.
I will agree that too many girls just enter into having sex SOLELY thinking everyone else is doing it so I have to too. I commend you for waiting; at least you are your own person and not a "crowd follower."
If you love the person and feel that the relationship is stable and has developed over a period of time, then I don't see a problem with having sex. I was 19 and I did just that. I had been dating my bf for 18 months and decided to take things to the next level. I didn't see any "stars" the first time. It took me some getting use to before I could enjoy it. I thought...."Is this what everyone was bragging about?" Pffff! After a while I thought....."Oh, now I know what everyone was bragging about." :<))
Definitely don't sleep with anyone before the 6 month mark; my opinion. I made my bf wait 18 months because that is when I felt comfortable enough to do it. BOTH persons need to feel ok or comfortable about doing this.
No need to tell a guy about you being a virgin UNTIL you feel you are in a COMMITTED relationship with him.
Back in time when I was young, young guys loved the idea a girl/young woman was a virgin because it was a big deal for him to be her "first." Guess times have changed.
In answer to Your specific answer to my specific answer:
Yes, personally I do see that as pointless.
My feeling is "hand jobs" and "oral sex" IS sex. In my thinking it's ALL as intimate as You can be with someone. I wouldn't do "hand jobs" "oral sex" OR intercouse with anyone who's toothbrush I wouldn't put in my mouth. To me ALL of those things are as INTIMATE as You can ever be with someone and I totally don't get the distinction between those VERY intimate things.
Yes, personally I do see that as pointless.
My feeling is "hand jobs" and "oral sex" IS sex. In my thinking it's ALL as intimate as You can be with someone. I wouldn't do "hand jobs" "oral sex" OR intercouse with anyone who's toothbrush I wouldn't put in my mouth. To me ALL of those things are as INTIMATE as You can ever be with someone and I totally don't get the distinction between those VERY intimate things.
In my story I was up until I was 19 and got pregnant the first time I done it with my son..plus my boyfriend and both were unexperienced..lol now I'm 24 with my second and were on a complicated path but it's get better day by day...so if I ran upon this b4 I think I'd wait until I was married.
You sound like a smart young woman and you will do fine. I'm glad I am not young and single - ha- there was enough pressure to have sex when I was a teen and I know it's much worse now. I was a month shy of my 20th birthday when I had intercourse for the first time. And it was with my boyfriend of 18 months. We were in love and very special to one another and even so, the first few times it was awkward and it HURT. So take your time and when you get to know a special guy and you feel you are in love, you will KNOW.
Thanks everyone! I guess "stigma" wasn't the correct word, what I meant was some people see being a virgin at my age as me being "damaged goods" or 'oh something must be wrong if she hasn't had sex yet' when that isn't the case. Sorry if I confused anyone!!!
TTinKKerBBell - Hearing how many girls say they regret losing their virginity to the guy they dated long ago is one of the biggest reasons I never gave into that pressure as a teenager, I knew I would only end up regretting it. And I can see where you are coming from in why be a virgin if you are taking part in other acts, but for me I don't see any of those acts as sex. Yes oral sex etc may be "sexual acts" but that isn't intercourse itself, which is what I am refraining from. Some may see that as pointless but I don't at all.
shell921 - That timeframe is something I agree with, just wasn't sure if others thought so as well. But that is if I saw them on a normal basis, otherwise I would wait longer. I also think sex is pointless if there isn't that emotion there etc, something I don't get when girls have sex very early on. I need to be COMPELTELY comfortable with someone on all levels before thinking about something like that. I know 20 isn't "old" but being the odd one out with others my age makes me feel so behind! lol
kelsebby92 - thank you! I don't give away my "secret" right away until I can trust them enough to tell them, it becomes obvious very quickly on who is okay with it and who is not. The ones who don't like it scurry away pretty quickly. Many of my friends and people I used to know have children now, and I think that itself is a good abstinence tool for me. Having children isn't an option for me anytime soon with being away at college, it would ruin my future with my career, which is very important to me!
ANewLife4Me - thank you! Weeding out good ones from bad ones is very easy, keeps me from wasting my time! Dating may be more difficult but it is worth it in the end I think.
specialmom - You make a very good point. Sometimes I'm not sure when I should "announce" it, not that it should matter if he cares about me, but I still like making it a point if there is going to be a relationship. 'Most' people my age are having sex so it's almost expected in a relationship.
TTinKKerBBell - Hearing how many girls say they regret losing their virginity to the guy they dated long ago is one of the biggest reasons I never gave into that pressure as a teenager, I knew I would only end up regretting it. And I can see where you are coming from in why be a virgin if you are taking part in other acts, but for me I don't see any of those acts as sex. Yes oral sex etc may be "sexual acts" but that isn't intercourse itself, which is what I am refraining from. Some may see that as pointless but I don't at all.
shell921 - That timeframe is something I agree with, just wasn't sure if others thought so as well. But that is if I saw them on a normal basis, otherwise I would wait longer. I also think sex is pointless if there isn't that emotion there etc, something I don't get when girls have sex very early on. I need to be COMPELTELY comfortable with someone on all levels before thinking about something like that. I know 20 isn't "old" but being the odd one out with others my age makes me feel so behind! lol
kelsebby92 - thank you! I don't give away my "secret" right away until I can trust them enough to tell them, it becomes obvious very quickly on who is okay with it and who is not. The ones who don't like it scurry away pretty quickly. Many of my friends and people I used to know have children now, and I think that itself is a good abstinence tool for me. Having children isn't an option for me anytime soon with being away at college, it would ruin my future with my career, which is very important to me!
ANewLife4Me - thank you! Weeding out good ones from bad ones is very easy, keeps me from wasting my time! Dating may be more difficult but it is worth it in the end I think.
specialmom - You make a very good point. Sometimes I'm not sure when I should "announce" it, not that it should matter if he cares about me, but I still like making it a point if there is going to be a relationship. 'Most' people my age are having sex so it's almost expected in a relationship.
P.S.
It shouldn't be about "losing" Your Virginity any way. It should be about "giving" YourSelf to that SPECIAL SomeOne. You have no idea how many Women wish they had waited for that One Special SomeOne. For most of us, that first guy wasn't him.
another P.S.
Personally, I would save "hand jobs" for that Special SomeOne too. What's the point of being "virgin" if You're going to be that intimate with someone?? I don't get that part at all. Am I alone in thinking that ANY act of sex pretty much counts as intimacy??
It shouldn't be about "losing" Your Virginity any way. It should be about "giving" YourSelf to that SPECIAL SomeOne. You have no idea how many Women wish they had waited for that One Special SomeOne. For most of us, that first guy wasn't him.
another P.S.
Personally, I would save "hand jobs" for that Special SomeOne too. What's the point of being "virgin" if You're going to be that intimate with someone?? I don't get that part at all. Am I alone in thinking that ANY act of sex pretty much counts as intimacy??
COMMUNITY LEADER
My best advice, besides following the above advice which is very good, is to not worry so much about this. Don't think you have to tell someone right away as having sex should be with someone you are close to and care about---------- and they should be close to and care about you as well. So that when you 'reveal' this to them, they should not care. They want to be with YOU and not just have sex with you.
good luck
good luck
Hi,
I agree also that being a virgin at 20 is NOT a "stigma". In fact I have tons of respect for you. I think it's awesome that you haven't just given yourself away to somebody that you don't really love. I lost mine at 16 and wish I would have waited to have had relations the first time with somebody I really loved and cared about. If I were you, I'd still continue to wait for somebody that you really love to lose your virginity. I know it may be hard to date people in this day and age, but I think you will be able to weed out the good guys from the bad guys real quick. The ones that stick around are the ones I would definitely continue to date and get to know better. Good luck to you :)
I agree also that being a virgin at 20 is NOT a "stigma". In fact I have tons of respect for you. I think it's awesome that you haven't just given yourself away to somebody that you don't really love. I lost mine at 16 and wish I would have waited to have had relations the first time with somebody I really loved and cared about. If I were you, I'd still continue to wait for somebody that you really love to lose your virginity. I know it may be hard to date people in this day and age, but I think you will be able to weed out the good guys from the bad guys real quick. The ones that stick around are the ones I would definitely continue to date and get to know better. Good luck to you :)
I give you lots of respect. I personally wish I would have waited til I was married. Which I suggest you do since you made it this far. The man you do marry would have ALOT of respect for you because you waitedfor him. It should also bring the two of you closer. But as far as dating I would just let them know you do not want. Sexual relationship and that you are waiting for the one. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin.
Yes i agree with Tinkerbell--your virginity is not a "stigma" - it's admirable. You are to be commended! Most young girls today are giving it up at age 14 or 15. Bravo to you. When you have a serious & committed boyfriend and the time is right you will know and until you have that there is no reason to tell any guy you are "dating" that you are a virgin. I would say 2-3 months is a good time to wait. Seeing the person every week or twice or thrice a week it takes 2-3 months to develop an emotional relationship. Without tenderness & emotion sex is just flat and not even worth it--in my opinion. So get to know each other and enjoy the build up. Be sexual--kiss--fondle --but wait for intercourse until you totally feel ready. You are very YOUNG! 20 is not old-!
My best to you-Shell
My best to you-Shell
Being a virgin is a stigma?? OMGolly!! !! !!
I applaud You for having had the Standards and Values not to sleep with every boyfriend (yet) that has come into Your life. Rare maybe, but COMMENDABLE.
(stigma??!!) Speaking for myself, it seems that nothing is sacred anymore.
I applaud You for having had the Standards and Values not to sleep with every boyfriend (yet) that has come into Your life. Rare maybe, but COMMENDABLE.
(stigma??!!) Speaking for myself, it seems that nothing is sacred anymore.
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