Lost!

[K1990]

So I'm sure most of you who will read this have followed my posts... and I know there will be some interesting comments on this but I need some input!  I have a really good friend that I have known for 5 years and have had feelings for, for that long.  He was my first pretty much everything and we have always been close.  He left 2 1/2 years ago for Iraq with the army and I finally got to see him for the first time since this last week.  Well no surpise but the feelings are still there... the attraction is still there and if anything else the feelings have grown.  My heart was racing and my stomach had butterflies the second I saw him again...  My faince and I have been having issues on and off for a year and the last 2 weeks have been hell!  Things already weren't going so well when my friend got here.  Well there is a group of friends that have been friends since high school and we get together a lot (im the only girl in the group).  Well this friend from Iraq is part of it and my fiance and I are both part of this group both individualy and together so it's complicated.  Well while my friend was here things happened and I couldn't stop the attraction and my fiance and I were yelling at eachother and i was just not happy!  My friend and I started out just making out... then we ended up having sex.  The horrible thing is I feel so bad about doing it but I know that if it were to happen again I would allow it!  The next night my friend and I talked a lot and he kept kissing me and I never stopped any of it.  I love my fiance so much and that is why I can't tell him and that is why I can't seem to leave him.  I have tried but then he brings up the baby and brings up everythign we have been through and I can't get myself to walk away.  I live with him, have 2 dogs with him... how can i just leave all of that and not worry about it?  He means so much to me but I am not happy more often than I am!  I have talked everything over with my friend and he actually just went back to where he is based a few days ago.  He wants to be with me but right now we can't be because our friends will get upset and feel bad for my fiance.  We could wait a few months and then date and everything would be okay.  I can't just up and leave him, he did nothing wrong!  My feelings and emotions are all over the place and I have no idea what to think!

[K1990]

Mami~ I appreciate your response.  I hate what I did and know that I always will, I should have never done it and I totally regret it!  I think you are right thought that this made me realize that this is what I want and that I do love him.  I know I get so upset and cought up on all the little things and I shouldn't because it's all part of the process.  I guess when nothing was wrong and everything was great, I looked for something to be wrong and that's when the stupid little things came up.  It will talk time and lots of it, and eventhough he has forgiven me I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive myself.

[vsentz]

wow.... where's Mauri????

[mami1323]

I think everything that happens in life is a growth experience.  K will most likely mature and grow from this.  Perhaps she needed this to happen in order to appreciate her fiance a bit more.  Maybe next time something small like him lending his friend some money won't seem like such a majorly big deal.  It helps her to understand that not everything has to be a huge argument.  Regardless, maybe they needed a bump in the road to weigh out whether this relationship is worth holding on to.  Of course the bump shouldn't have been so big but who are we to judge.  I don't agree with what she did and we could beat her over and over but the damage was already done.  She will kick herself harder than we could.  K I hope you learned your lesson and will never do that again to him.  If the relationship is not working then leave it, don't do such a damaging thing again.  Also, just because it is out in the open doesn't mean all is forgiven.  It will take a lot of work, and I'm speaking from experience.  Every time you don't answer your cell right away or any time you are out without him, he will wonder what you are doing.  It is an ongoing battle and you need to prepare yourself for it.  Be patient with him because forgiving someone for that kind of betrayal is tough.

[mayflowers]

Guess I was kind of harsh.  Sorry about that. I just think that K1990 needs to grow up a bit and not be handled with kid gloves which I think you do for her.  That's your perrogative I guess.  For me, I learn the most when ppl are harsh.  I grew up with a sister that basically hated me.  But she made me tough or else I would have fallen to pieces whenever something went wrong in my life.  The truth hurts but it also saves time.  

Maybe it's more like Teko said, she just needs to go through this stuff to mature a bit.

[teko]

I dunno guys. I think it just boils down to life experience or lack thereof, immaturity and the need to feel loved and get attention. No more, no less. Life will soon take care of it all however and decisions made will determine how much pain and misery in the process. Tell your guy what happened and start clean from there. You owe him that and please, get tested for std's. No one wants  one to think badly of them thereby no one wants to admit. it.  
better safe than sorry.

[RockRose]

Wait,  mayflowers,  I didn't really finish.

I was about the only one on the diaper change/breastfeeding in public who agreed with a single thing you said,  maybe a couple other people said something in your defense.

You are harsh,  girl.  Get a lover.