Why does my boyfriend send me to voicemail.?

[Savannah18]

My boyfriend been sending me to voicemail for about a week and its pissing me off , because a million and one things go threw my head and when he does answer the phone and I tell him about why is he sending me to voicemail and he tells me that its not him its his phone. ! And when we hang up we use to tell each other I love you and now he dont even say it back to me and when I ask him dont he say it back he tells me he dont know. ! This is really pissing me off I dont know what to do....... Someone please help me out here.

[ericablair_33]

I think this is a story that everyone can relate to. I went through the same thing with a boyfriend as a teen, and put up with it for a long time before I realized he simply wasn't interested anymore. The best solution is a well-placed ultimatum - if he won't take the hint then perhaps more force is needed.

This kind of thing is all to common in modern relationships, phones give people an edge when it comes to dissembling. People take more liberties when they don't have to actually face one another.

Good luck!

[Londres70]

My post went through before I could finish.  

Well.....I would recommend letting him contact you and quit calling and see what happens.  I wouldn't chase after him.....let him come to you.

[Londres70]

Sounds like he is trying to detach himself from you through avoidance. The reason or reasons......not sure.  Not sure if this is temporary or not.  The relationship doesn't sound good at this point.  

How long have you been together and how are you?

[Nighthawk61]

It does make a difference as to whether your boyfriend is actually is otherwise engaged when you call or whether he just wants time to himself. You should be able to find that out if you ask him calmly. Maybe there is a question of him wanting his own space. If that's the case, that's something that you can understand, or not, but it's something at least that you can work with.

Calling back a second time after your call goes to voice mail always means that there's an emergency, in working relationships/sexual politics, and it's always answered a second time by your spouse.  If, however, you call over and over, when it's NOT an emergency then you're crossing a line and could be considered as inconsiderate.  Where do you stand on this issue? Do you think that your calls should be answered regardless of any situation?

As for saying "I love you" at the end of every conversation, I understand why this would distress you. In any love relationship that I have, this is the rule for all., be it spouse, or child. I suppose there are some people who are not as demonstrative as others, but you've said that he used to always say it, and now he doesn't, so that may be a change, or it may be that he was never comfortable doing it at all, but did it early in the relationship as an assurance to you. You need to find out why this assurance to you has stopped. Are there red flags in your relationship? Have there been problems? Do you argue or do generally work things up as they come up? Do you think that you might need a therapist to help you to become closer and happier? Do you think he would commit to that to make your relationship better?

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Welcome to med help.  Well, in all honesty, my husband has me go to voicemail if he is in the middle of something or with someone, etc. And I do the same with him.  Because no one can be available 24/7 to another person.  If I'm speaking to someone in person and my phone rings, I may glance at it but let it go to voicemail as I feel it is socially rude to answer it while talking to someone else.  I hate that when people do it to me and I'm sitting there while they answer the phone and talk.  Unless it is an emergency, nothing is that important to not wait a bit until it is convenient to talk.  When it IS an emergency, I hang up and call right back.  That second phone call right back is our sign that it is an emergency and then we answer it.  But I reserve that for very special occasions/situations so that it means something when I use it.  

So, I'm not quite sure about your expectations of another person to always answer and not let you go to voicemail when he's busy.  I also know that if I hit the off switch on my phone, it will send ALL calls to voicemail which is something I do when I can not be interrupted at all.  Like at work, church,etc.  

Now, you kind of indicate that perhaps there is a problem in the relationship and perhaps there is more to this.  Do you feel he is purposely avoiding you?  That is a bit different and all you can do is talk to him about the state of your relationship from his perspective.  If there are problems, then work on them.  

He dosn't sound as demonstrative about showing love as you do and you can tell him that it is important for you to hear he loves you.  But if you are too dependent on him or making him feel trapped by your needs, this doesn't usually end well.  Can't tell if that is the case or not so is only for you to decide.  Lots of luck dear.