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Avatar universal

Marriage issues I am young and need help

Hi everybody well I am here today to ask if it is normal for my man of 10yrs is receiving porn emails in his inbox I mean I understand spam but his inbox and they are opened..I mean could spam sometimes go to inbox
I am so hurt and crying my eyes out right now I don't know why to do and then when I brought it it up to him he blows it off
I am.not a ugly girl I am smart I mean come on
11 Responses
Avatar universal
How old are you two?

Spam usually isn't going to go into your inbox.  If it does, why would he be opening it up?  He has subscribed to a porn site.  That's my assumption.

Well, hon........the porn addiction has nothing to do with you.......meaning you in regards of being ugly or not smart.  The addiction says a lot about the one whose addicted.  Sounds like he is addicted to porn and doesn't want you to question him about it.

Lastly, if I was in a relationship where someone was blowing me off I probably would be reconsidering it.  

Is there any other major problems in the relationship?
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Computers have something called tracking cookies.  He's probably visitied a site and then he receives emails.  If he watched porn even just one time, this can happen.  But he opens them.  And if he replies, they might not be spam.  

Spam can go to the inbox by accident.  Has to do with something getting by the filters.

Have you had any discussions about this with him?  

As said by Londres, this has nothing at all to do with you.  Porn is easy and readily available.  Doesn't require cuddling and I Love You when done.  So, don't take it personally.  hugs
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, see you DID try to talk to him about it.  I think I'd have a general conversation about your feelings about porn and ask him his and have a two way conversation to discuss the issue in your relationship.  But he may get a little upset that you monitor his inbox hon so be careful with that.  good luck
Avatar universal
Thanks all
I am 28 he is 38 and he has watched porn before I have caught him on multiple occasions and he always is like ugh dam this is crazy blah blah whatever i have tried to talk to him about this but he always wants to shift the focus off of him o to me ridiculous.. so it is true these type of emails can get in ur inbox i mean I had one in mine the other day "Big Beautiful Singles" I just erased it but he's opening it..he's getting stuff like priscilla Cummings wants hard d*** you guys get the point what do i do
Avatar universal
I don't think there is much you can do about this as he doesn't see it has a problem.

If he has done this in the past then I really doubt this is spam he is getting in his inbox.  If it was spam then why is he opening it?  

You can stay with him keeping in mind he isn't going to change this behavior or leave knowing you don't have to be dealing with this anymore.  I can image it wouldn't be easy to leave after 10 years, but he isn't going to change dear.

There is no solution in regards to changing his behavior.  You could try talking to a counselor about this.  Perhaps he/she could give you more insight and direction.
Avatar universal
It's also so hard because when I left him before and took the kids back to Iowa he found me and showemons at my mom's house
..I don't think he is gonna change
I have seen spam in his folder like this before and in his inbox but idk my mom says that this could happen it's called filtering I just hope she's right but he shouldn't be opening it
3 Comments
I am not saying it can't happen; that spam can't end up in his inbox, but hon you know he has a history with porn, so it's difficult to say this was some spam that just ended up in his inbox.  Is he getting this in his inbox everyday or constantly?  I am not sure why you are looking in his inbox?  Why is that?

Again, there is no solution in regards to changing his behavior.  You could try talking to a counselor about this.  Perhaps he/she could give you more insight and direction on how to deal with a man with a porn addiction.  It won't change his behavior, but the therapy can give you tools and resources on how to deal with this.
Did you leave before because of the porn of something else?
of something else=or something else
My typing and errors
Avatar universal
I have tried to talk to him about it and he blows it off or tries to switch h the blame on me because I hid a fb page from him
I didn't look in his inbox I seen it on his Iphone 6 notification bar and I snoop because why the he'll can he have online dating sites but I'm not allowed to have any social media this gs gtfooh ...
And why does he even watch porn I mean I am 5'6 130 pounds big butt nice chest what is it with me. Idu is it me is it because heard not satisfied anymore idk
1 Comments
Again, a porn addiction has nothing to do with how you look.  He isn't looking at porn because you are ugly or fat.  You need to educate yourself on porn addiction.  I have already suggested seeking the advice of a professional and you can also find a self help book on this topic.  

The relationship sounds very, very fragile.  You hiding a fb pg from him, you snooping on his IPhone, he surfs online dating sites, etc.  Did he tell you that he wasn't satisfied anymore?

Are you certain you want to be with him?

134578 tn?1614729226
Are you listening to the ladies on here who say it is not you?  There is no need to  inventory yourself to prove that you are desirable, of course you are desirable.  He is looking at porn because he likes porn, not because he doesn't like you.  The question is whether you are happy in the relationship the way it is, warts and all, or if you are not.  I don't think you can keep someone from looking at porn.
3060903 tn?1398565123
You are at a good age to leave and find a good life without this baggage. It doesn't sound like you two are compatible. My first husband wanted to go to strip joints and i had to leave. My current husband does not sexually objectify women, and is satisfied with me, when i was 130 lbs, and now that i'm over 200. Love will go through all the stages of your life, (not suggesting that you gain weight as it's not healthy) but it's good to know your partner will stand by you as you age. But this guy is looking elsewhere when you're in the prime of your life. so how' loyal will he be to you as you age. ? Is it worth it to take a chance not being certain? when you can find  a good man that loves you and wants to make you happy?

Yes, it's hard to leave, but there is joy knowing that the future can be brighter than your past uncertainties.
3060903 tn?1398565123
he has watched porn before I have caught him on multiple occasions...

so the question of how this span got on his computer is obvious. You know for certain he watches porn. I personally wouldn't accept that. It doesn't sound like you will either. So he either admits to an addiction and get's help or you will have to do the hard thing yourself. Do you have kids?
Avatar universal
Yes triplets
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