My Boyfriend's relationship with his 10 year old Daughter

[Jersey71]

I have seen a few threads on here with regards to my situation. My boyfriend has a 10 year old Daughter who he has 1/2 the time. When we first starting dating he talked about her non stop which I thought was sweet that he loved her so much. I figured since we were still getting to know each other perhaps this was just a way to show that he loved his Daughter. The topic of conversation is always the same and everywhere we go, whether we are on a date, driving, hanging at at his house etc. She did this, she loves this etc and even his texts are now about something cute she did.  He brushes and blow dries her hair every night, picks out her clothes etc which is all fine but here is where I feel a tad bit uncomfortable. Every morning he brings her up a glass of chocolate milk and they have "cuddle" time. He wraps his body around hers and strokes her hair and back to try to "wake" her up so she has a happy day. I have tried to call in the mornings to say Good Morning and I am cut off by him saying it is time to go cuddle with her. She will often climb into bed with him and they cuddle all night. He has her every weekend night and every other weekend so I know they get enough "quality" time together. She will text him every day before she comes home to let him know what she wants for dinner and he will go to the grocery store and make that dinner and have it ready for her when she walks through the door. She is not allowed to have any video games and they do not have cable as he wants the time to be spent with him one on one. Am I crazy or is this a tad odd? Please help..I have a 13 year old and I have never seen this behavior with a Father/Daughter. It is like she is his spouse? Hopefully I am just looking too much into it but it feels off. He even me off the other night so they could spend one on one together..my Daughter was here so it would have been nice for her to have a play date but he does not allow her to do that either. Just this morning he texted me that he got to sleep in and she made him breakfast in bed. I must add that our sex life is bland and I have to be the aggressor. He wants to be with her 24/7 and they will often just lay in bed together and watch DVD's. He waits on her hand and foot and even keeps her from reading books if it means not spending time with him! Any advice?

[Jersey71]

You are right with everything you said, I just needed to hear it lol. My Daughter is even weirded out at the amount of hovering he does over her and honestly your right with the parenting styles not matching at all! I believe in raising my children to be self sufficient and they even know how to cook and do laundry! I have to think about their future and if I am always waiting on them then they will grow up lazy and have the expectation that they should be waited on by everyone. Thank you for your comments!! :D

[specialmom]

I think chima had some wise words to share.  That's the bottom line.  I think their relationship may be odd, he may be an odd man, he overindulges her and perhaps has a weird level of affection and interdependence going on . . .   so yes, eyeopener.  Why would you want to date him?  

Move on and let them be. good luck

[Jersey71]

I am not saying that at all! I simply posted this thread to see if I am seeing something that is not there? I do believe a parents priority should be their children, however in a way that is in a parental role. It is as if he is looking to her to satisfy some emotional void within himself. Clearly after putting this in text I do see that I need to leave this man. Lol eyeopener!

[Chima7]

Personally if I was in a situation where I was getting weirded out by the relationship between my bf and his daughter, I'd just tell him thanks for the memories and move on with my life. Because regardless of whether he's just being an enabler to her spoiledness or if there is something more sinister afoot, the fact that it made me uncomfortable would be enough reason to leave him.

They were a family unit long before you came along and they will continue to be so, long after you're gone and therefore your feelings don't really matter in the situation. Your bf will continue to spoil that kid rotten to the point where she will be completely unable to fend for herself, which will make her a high maintenance princess type that very few guys will want to be around. He is doing a huge and major disservice to her by making her so dependent on him. But whatever, it's not your kid and therefore not your problem.

This is the main reason why I don't date guys with kids. I would not tell any guy who is a father that he had to totally change his existing relationship with his kids because of me. Who am I to them? I'm just an outsider, and therefore it's not my place to tell them how they must run things in their existing family dynamic. I don't even want to argue about it so avoiding guys with kids makes it a lot easier to avoid that drama.

Your parenting styles don't match and you've realized this, so really why stay in a relationship? What happens if you get married? You're going to raise your kid one way and he's going to raise his the spoiled way? How is that going to work when your kid doesn't get everything handed to her on a silver platter like her step sister does? That's not going to be pretty. What's the point in prolonging this since you know you're incompatible from a parenting standpoint? For someone who is a parent, isn't complimentary parenting style in the top priority list of mandatory things that a partner of yours must have? He's already not fulfilling that requirement. Why would you stay with him, knowing that you're so fundamentally different in such a critical area that is (or should be) your top priority? What's the point, at this point, knowing what you know, in continuing this relationship?  

[specialmom]

Well, break up with him and call social services.  Move on with your life.  And it is over.  good luck

[Jersey71]

He tells me about their all nighters and how they cuddle all night. Silly to make that up! Also I asked him if he wears PJ's and he said "why should I?" she has seen me in my underwear her whole life.