My boyfriend won't have vaginal sex with me

[coldbloodtruth]

My bf 23 will not have sex with me 20, and we have been dating for abt a year, we both love each other to where we couldn't let the other go unless they cheat. he has anal sex with me sometimes, and we do everything else sexually, but he says his reason is marriage, he wants to wait til we are married. of course i can't believe this reason. he evern said b4 that he wanted me to force it on him and i just dont want my first time like that. what is wrong? what can i do??? ohh btw i have a 2 year old daughter and he is a virgin. (besides the anal sex hes had with me)

[RockRose]

The actual question,  coldbloodtruth,  was "what is wrong" and "what can I do".  

I wonder what kind of responses you expected to get?

I don't see where anyone is being judged.

So,  I'll just form my answer into the questions.

"What is wrong" - is that he doesn't like vaginal sex.  We don't know why,  and it appears you don't either,  but that's what's wrong here.  Sexual preference is so hard-wired into men,  that it's hopeless to change them.  His preference for whatever reason is anal,  but most men who prefer that are also willing to have vaginal sex.  But that doesn't really matter in this discussion because he finds it so abhorrent he won't do it no matter how much you ask.

"What can you do".  You have a choice to make.  Do you want to be in a relationship with a man who will never have vaginal sex with you?  If his other qualities are so astounding and you don't particularly mind anal sex,  that's a choice for you to make.

If you were hoping that women would come along on this thread and tell you how to change his preference,  that's not going to happen.

Best wishes.

[specialmom]

Oh, and my recommendation to ANY woman is to mindful of giving more than their partner.  Sexually, you do.  I wouldn't like that and again, would go ahead and pull the plug on sex and tell him that you agree that some things are special and you'll wait until you are married.  Just an idea and I'd try to do it more than just a day to see if he is serious about this relationship.

[specialmom]

Hm.  I'll read back through as I didn't really see that to be honest.  No one cares what you do in your bed room but to an outsider, it is odd that he does all he does sexually but won't have "regular" sex.  I doubt his mom wouldn't have made him feel bad about anal, threesomes and strap ons too.  That is not trying to be judging but am trying to understand the correlation between his mother and his sex life.  Sometimes people are damaged and they have a skewed idea of sex.  And they may find someone that can live with that or someone they are with may decide they would rather a person they were more compatible with.  So, I'm not exactly sure anyone could have given you a real answer to your question.  I don't know how to make him enjoy having sex the way you want to.  You can just say he needs to be married to do that and find out if that is the case??  Maybe it will be.  Maybe it won't.  How's the rest of your relationship not including the sex part?

[coldbloodtruth]

thank you to those that didn't judge and stuck to the question instead of adding personal opinions , i know how hard it is for people to truly leave judging to god , and keep negative opinions to themselves. overall i can't say i got any completely helpful answers though, just things ive already considered, and people judging and trying to push their life choices on others. the way i see it is i think its his moms fault, its our job as mothers to teach our sons and daughters about sex and about the opposite sex, not just say, son if u have sex your gonna not only screw up your life, but burn in hell without mercy, leaving your child scared, confused and unaware of women and how to treat them or how they act and this will end up ruining their chancs of ever finding a wife willing to put up with his ignorance of feelings and other female things . thank goodness im willing to be understanding towards him and his bad upbringing where racism, and hypocrisy was so influenced... but anyway i will stop just get so aggravated when i'm being judged but its fine its my life my cchoices and only i will have to deal with the results in the end but thank you to those who tried to give positive feedback to the ACTUAL question

[specialmom]

yes, I agree with you londres--------  that is what I meant by 'hang ups' about regular sex.  Something seems a bit wrong with the picture.  But I agree with you for sure.

[Londres70]

Yes, definitely agree with you Specialmom and RockRose that this could be the situation with this man, however, I was confused to the fact the poster stated he told her he wanted her to "force it on him."  Then, I was thinking was this guy sexually abused or has something traumatic happened to him to make him have this strange view about vaginal sex.  

There are some heterosexual men that prefer anal sex only though.  

He also could "swing" both ways;  i.e. Bisexual, and prefers anal sex with both sexes.  

If it were me, I would be looking for someone who is willing to do what I liked, needed and ENJOYED, not he gets his sexual needs met and I get NOTHING.  

Doubt if this changes after marriage.  What you see now is what you will be getting later on most likely.  

Still confused about what is going on here.