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NO ONE STAYS IN LOVE FOREVER?
I've been married 5 years & have 2 girls. I love(care about) my husband, but i'm not "in love" with him anymore. We dont share the experience we used to. We dont even kiss anymore. I dont enjoy sex, but I do it for him. Why am I still with him? Is it for the kids? Am I wrong to be with him because I dont want to see the kids hurt? Or am I scared i'll be lonely or what? I dont know. I know if we werent together I'd be jealous of who he's with, so does that mean I dont need to leave him? He's so good to me, he cooks, cleans, helps with the girls, doesnt argue with me much or anything, everything i've ever wanted in a man, so why is it getting old to me? ? ? Help me please.
Thank you, I really do feel like I should give it one more chance. By the way we are not married but he actually did tell one of my co-workers that he has a ring for me that he is making payments on. I really do love him and I want to make this work. I think that if I ended the relationship the only people that would be happy are a few of my friends. They just get mad because they think that Joe takes away from our "girl' time. They don't get that the reason I don't go out as much anymore is because I am a mother. NONE of my friends have children so they don't understand my situation.
I have been where you are !!! Please take my advice !!!!! Give him and your marriage one more chance !!!! If you dont you will always wonder what could have been, might have been. I have been seperated from my husband for 8 months now due to the same problems you have.....please read my post. I miss my husband and the life we had. Wish I would have given it one more chance. Know for sure it cannot work before you walk away from it all !!!
Thanks for all of the advise, with the move I haven't had internet until now. Both of our names are on the lease by the way.
I told Joe that I just cant do this anymore last week and he has literally been crying ever since. I really just dont know what to do anymore. I talked to my mom about it and she said that if there is any part of me that wants to try and make this work then that is what I should do. The main reason my family doesn't like Joe is because when we met he had an opiate addiction. I didn't know the severity of this problem until about 7 months into our relationship and I was 2 months prego. Joe put me through so much during my pregnancy and in the first months of our sons life. He finally did see the light and sought help. He has been clean for a little over a year now. Once he stopped doing drugs he turned to alcohol and that obviously caused problems in our relationship as well. Over the past few months he has cut back drastically( less than once a week) on his drinking and has been very devoted to being a father. When I told him I was done he swore that he would make it better and treat me how I deserve to be treated. I dont know what to believe because he HAS changed so much for me already so maybe that means that he can change how he treats me. Maybe I am just being a dumb girl but I really want to believe him.
I told Joe that I just cant do this anymore last week and he has literally been crying ever since. I really just dont know what to do anymore. I talked to my mom about it and she said that if there is any part of me that wants to try and make this work then that is what I should do. The main reason my family doesn't like Joe is because when we met he had an opiate addiction. I didn't know the severity of this problem until about 7 months into our relationship and I was 2 months prego. Joe put me through so much during my pregnancy and in the first months of our sons life. He finally did see the light and sought help. He has been clean for a little over a year now. Once he stopped doing drugs he turned to alcohol and that obviously caused problems in our relationship as well. Over the past few months he has cut back drastically( less than once a week) on his drinking and has been very devoted to being a father. When I told him I was done he swore that he would make it better and treat me how I deserve to be treated. I dont know what to believe because he HAS changed so much for me already so maybe that means that he can change how he treats me. Maybe I am just being a dumb girl but I really want to believe him.
It's pretty confusing eh? I posted my question yesterday and though worded differently, am in exactly the same boat. 10yrs married, 2 children and very confused about my marriage. Like you, I have a husband who is committed, loyal, a good provider and generally a nice guy. However, he is now slowly, but surely reacting towards me with more contempt (in his voice/language, his demeanour and his life in general) and I am wondering if this is normal, am I responsible or do we simply need to take pause and take time out together (a holiday or something) to reconnect and find balance again.
My friends and family also struggle with my husband. He can be very belligerent, critical of others, black and white, intolerant and is often called arrogant. He can be all these things and they are not attractive qualities to me. However, he also has a strong sense of what is right and wrong, he is very committed to me and the children, I know he is faithful and there is a very gentle, giving and compassionate side to him that if for no body else to see, I see daily.
Listen to those around you who know you well and love you because yes, there will be 'some' red flags for you, if it is evident to them there is disharmony. However, listening to others can also add to the 'noise' and confusion. This is your life and there are huge consequences for you so don't make any rash decisions.
Your husbands reaction last night (punching the wall and becoming aggressive) does not necessarily sum him up as an arsehole with anger problems. My husband lost the plot 4 years ago (not laying a finger on me) but reacting in an aggressive and 'out of character' way. He acknowledged his behaviour was not acceptable and consequently left his job (the cause) and got another job. He hasn't reacted that way again.
I am non confrontational person and would hardly raise my voice in any situation. Two nights ago, I smashed a glass of wine to the floor in a flood of sobs. Am I now out of control or what? No, I know this is not characteristic for me, but it is a sure sign that I need to change something in my life......and, it was also a much needed wake up call for my husband.
If this aggressive behaviour from your husband is uncharacteristic of him, then see it for what it probably is, a sign of his own frustration in his life and a sign that something has to change. If this is a regular and normal reaction from him, then you are probably being abused and both of you should seek help.
I have some great male friends who have spoken of times (usally of their previous marriages), where they too, have 'lost the plot' and most certainly are not violent or naturally aggressive men. I feel sometimes we want to immediately shout 'abuse', when really, they are just men, behaving as men do when the world feels like it's crashing all around them. Yes, they need help, but let's try not to character assassinate them completely and allow them the opportunity to fix themselves. Because in many cases, they can and do.
I've just booked a 10 day holiday to the Gold coast in Australia, leaving next week. I didn't ask my husband, I told him and we NEED to do this. Yes, we need a new bathroom, I've got contracts to fill, he's busy at work and it's a few grand we could find a million things to spend on, other than a holiday. But a few grand right now seems nothing compared to the 10 years of hard work and the investment I've already put in to my marriage.
Take pause and don't stop caring about yourself.
My friends and family also struggle with my husband. He can be very belligerent, critical of others, black and white, intolerant and is often called arrogant. He can be all these things and they are not attractive qualities to me. However, he also has a strong sense of what is right and wrong, he is very committed to me and the children, I know he is faithful and there is a very gentle, giving and compassionate side to him that if for no body else to see, I see daily.
Listen to those around you who know you well and love you because yes, there will be 'some' red flags for you, if it is evident to them there is disharmony. However, listening to others can also add to the 'noise' and confusion. This is your life and there are huge consequences for you so don't make any rash decisions.
Your husbands reaction last night (punching the wall and becoming aggressive) does not necessarily sum him up as an arsehole with anger problems. My husband lost the plot 4 years ago (not laying a finger on me) but reacting in an aggressive and 'out of character' way. He acknowledged his behaviour was not acceptable and consequently left his job (the cause) and got another job. He hasn't reacted that way again.
I am non confrontational person and would hardly raise my voice in any situation. Two nights ago, I smashed a glass of wine to the floor in a flood of sobs. Am I now out of control or what? No, I know this is not characteristic for me, but it is a sure sign that I need to change something in my life......and, it was also a much needed wake up call for my husband.
If this aggressive behaviour from your husband is uncharacteristic of him, then see it for what it probably is, a sign of his own frustration in his life and a sign that something has to change. If this is a regular and normal reaction from him, then you are probably being abused and both of you should seek help.
I have some great male friends who have spoken of times (usally of their previous marriages), where they too, have 'lost the plot' and most certainly are not violent or naturally aggressive men. I feel sometimes we want to immediately shout 'abuse', when really, they are just men, behaving as men do when the world feels like it's crashing all around them. Yes, they need help, but let's try not to character assassinate them completely and allow them the opportunity to fix themselves. Because in many cases, they can and do.
I've just booked a 10 day holiday to the Gold coast in Australia, leaving next week. I didn't ask my husband, I told him and we NEED to do this. Yes, we need a new bathroom, I've got contracts to fill, he's busy at work and it's a few grand we could find a million things to spend on, other than a holiday. But a few grand right now seems nothing compared to the 10 years of hard work and the investment I've already put in to my marriage.
Take pause and don't stop caring about yourself.
Your post reminds me so much of my very situation, it brought tears to my eyes. It is a good feeling knowing there are others out there that struggle as well. I am 24, been married 6 years and I have 2 little girls as well. They mean the world to me, I love my husband. He is one of the good guys! He helps out at home as well, and has a wonderful involved relationship with his daughters. So I have a hard time figuring out what the problem is. He works a lot. I am home alone with the girls a lot, even though I work part time and am starting school in the fall. By the time he gets home, I am pooped and we hardly have time for each other. I miss him. Having a really demanding second child really thru a monkey wrench in our marriage and relationship. We have both grown a lot over the years and changed. Things are no longer the same. I think of finding another guy on a daily basis (though I have NEVER cheated!!). I have raised my concerns in the past, much of them go unanswered. He just thinks I will always be there. I often feel like I have something to prove, that if I do find another attractive guy, that will wake him up and pay attention. I often wonder if it is just me feeling insecure and unpretty after popping out another baby. I can't put my finger on it, maybe it is all of the above. I just know that things have been really hard the last year or so. I always heard 7 years of marriage is make or break, but from the responses I read, maybe it is 5 years...I know I will never in a million years find another guy that will be as hard working ans good to me. However, the spark we had at 16 (we were HS sweethearts), is just not there anymore, and I struggle to get it back. I would give anything to feel the way I did, but I don't think it is going to happen. You don't look at life the same way as you do when you are 18, 20 or even 24. So many people gave wonderful advice and suggestions, they are all absolutely right. It is easy when you are not struggling in a relationship, to do the right thing. I am struggling and constantly want to do the wrong thing. I often think that The only reason I am still here is because of my children. Then I wonder if we didn't have the girls, would be struggling so as we are. It is hard to say. So I have no wonderful ideas myself, but I want you to know that I am right there with you on this one. I feel exactly as you...I am sticking it out though. It has gotten a little better as the kids grow older..but it has not been easy. But I did make a vow for eternity, and though I struggle thru it occasionally, I have to remember that marriage is for life. It is what I agreed to, and I can't give up when it gets to hard. Infidelity on my part would only make things worse, and I would never want to hurt any one...I can't imagine the hurt it would bring not only to my husband, but to my sweet girls and our families. Not to mention any other involved party. Sorry to ramble to such a degree. If you want to talk or keep in touch, just PM me. I hope it gets better for you and hang in there!
Wow, that is horrible. He definitely has some anger issues and I wouldn't put it past him to one day lose control and strike you. It seems that he's trying to provoke you as well. You definitely don't need that stress. Do you have family or friends that you could stay with temporarily? Who's name is on the lease to the new apartment?
Thank You,
I will try that but after last night I just dont know that I even want to put forth any more effort. Joe got home around midnight after drinking with friends and I was sleeping, he came into bed and started watching TV. He was laughing really loud and it kept waking me up. After a few times of being woken up I asked him to be quiet and said that I really need to get some sleep as we are moving in the morning. He FLIPPED, he started elbowing me in my back and saying "just f*****g hit me Gina, maybe that will get you frustrations out, HIT ME" I again told him that I just want to sleep. He got up and was huffing and puffing and started punching the door. Now there are two HUGE holes in the door and we are going to have to pay for the repairs. I was so scared, I cant tell you how many times something like this has happened. I dont think Joe would ever hit me but I definitely have felt threatened by him many times. Also he kept threatening that I was going to be on my own with the move today and that I can figure out how to cover the rent. I am a part time waitress, I cant figure that out.
I am just so sick of this ****.
I will try that but after last night I just dont know that I even want to put forth any more effort. Joe got home around midnight after drinking with friends and I was sleeping, he came into bed and started watching TV. He was laughing really loud and it kept waking me up. After a few times of being woken up I asked him to be quiet and said that I really need to get some sleep as we are moving in the morning. He FLIPPED, he started elbowing me in my back and saying "just f*****g hit me Gina, maybe that will get you frustrations out, HIT ME" I again told him that I just want to sleep. He got up and was huffing and puffing and started punching the door. Now there are two HUGE holes in the door and we are going to have to pay for the repairs. I was so scared, I cant tell you how many times something like this has happened. I dont think Joe would ever hit me but I definitely have felt threatened by him many times. Also he kept threatening that I was going to be on my own with the move today and that I can figure out how to cover the rent. I am a part time waitress, I cant figure that out.
I am just so sick of this ****.
You mentioned that none of your friends or family like him. I've always thought we should put more stock into what our family and friends think about the people we're dating. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves and can see compatibility and incompatibility issues where we can't (since we're so blinded by lust at the beginning).
My husband has never been mean to me - not once while we were dating or since we've been married. I'd be very concerned about a relationship that is characterized by the comment he's mean to me. Oh, I was going to say maybe talk to family and friends with an open mind and ask them why they don't think the two of you are good together?
Maybe that will also help make your decision.
My husband has never been mean to me - not once while we were dating or since we've been married. I'd be very concerned about a relationship that is characterized by the comment he's mean to me. Oh, I was going to say maybe talk to family and friends with an open mind and ask them why they don't think the two of you are good together?
Maybe that will also help make your decision.
I agree with all the ladies, it sounds like you have a great husband and you two will be able to make it last.
I on the other hand feel like it is time to give up. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have a beautiful 20 month old son together. I honestly dont think either one of us has been happy for the past year or so. We fight every single day multiple times a day without fail. I feel like we have just been through too much and said too many hurtful things to actually make it work. Two days ago Joe told me he is done and then tried to take it back. but I think it is for the best. None of my friends of family members like him, the only positive thing about him is that he is an AWESOME dad despite the fact that he never had one. We move into a new apartment tomorrow and I just dont know what to do. How can we be broken up and still live together? I cant stop crying and I just cant make up my mind. He is so mean to me and I feel like he has mad me a bitter angry person.
Sorry, I just really needed to vent.
I on the other hand feel like it is time to give up. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have a beautiful 20 month old son together. I honestly dont think either one of us has been happy for the past year or so. We fight every single day multiple times a day without fail. I feel like we have just been through too much and said too many hurtful things to actually make it work. Two days ago Joe told me he is done and then tried to take it back. but I think it is for the best. None of my friends of family members like him, the only positive thing about him is that he is an AWESOME dad despite the fact that he never had one. We move into a new apartment tomorrow and I just dont know what to do. How can we be broken up and still live together? I cant stop crying and I just cant make up my mind. He is so mean to me and I feel like he has mad me a bitter angry person.
Sorry, I just really needed to vent.
Trust me, I know how you feel. After my son was born we have not been the same either. The affection is gone but the love is still there. It's just a lot harder to bring out the love, it takes a lot more effort.
thanks everyone, i guess its just so hard to be like we were because of the kids and all..we dont have all that time we used to....& you are right there isnt many good guys like this out there, and i know that, so why am i thinking like this...hearing what everyone has to say sure does make me think twice..
Love doesn't fade, it changes. It's not going to be that exciting and lustful relationship it was in the beginning. Nothing stays that way, after life experience, children, etc...it is a different type of love that develops. I think if he's as good as you say he is then it's worth it to work harder at it. Couples counseling may be a good idea. There is always ways to bring sparks back to a relationship. You just have to try harder at it. Good luck, I think it's worth sticking through.
try and work it out...try and see the good he has to offer...i divorced after 17 years and 3 kids because i did not TRY enough and give it a chance...it was the same as you are saying...i now, 9 years later miss so much the family life...of having a mom and dad and kids under one roof...my ex and i get along better now than we did when we were married...why didnt we see this in each other before we split up....maybe some counseling would help you? good luck and try and fall in love with him all over again...
There's seems to be something at 5 years (and others) that seem to make people take second looks at their relationship. I'm sure you're still in love with your husband, you just don't get butterfly's in the stomach anymore or heart pounding when he walks in the room.
Any man who does for his wife what yours does is a VERY good man who must love you very much and trust me there are not that many out there. Don't think the grass is greener or that you'll find a better man.
My mother used to complain about my father, but after the kids moved away and they were able to be together on their own she is very happy now and glad she never divorced my dad.
I've heard many other people talk about how they were glad they stuck it out.
Any man who does for his wife what yours does is a VERY good man who must love you very much and trust me there are not that many out there. Don't think the grass is greener or that you'll find a better man.
My mother used to complain about my father, but after the kids moved away and they were able to be together on their own she is very happy now and glad she never divorced my dad.
I've heard many other people talk about how they were glad they stuck it out.
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