Need advice

[Lolamonk]

I've been married to my husband for 11 years now.  This is my first marriage, and his third.  He has been controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive for most of our marriage.  Six months ago, I told him that I wanted a divorce, and he told me that he would do anything to keep our marriage intact, so we went to counseling.  The verbal abuse stopped, but the control didn't. I have 2 daughters, one is a teenager and one is in her early 20s, and they both live with us. He is also very controlling with them.  Three weeks ago, I told him that I could no longer try to work on our marriage, that I didn't love him like a husband anymore, and that I wanted a divorce.  He fell apart.  He was crying, stuttering, and saying that he could not live without me.  The day after that conversation, he became a completely different person. All the sudden, he was extremely kind, loving, and told me that "your'e the boss now" and "I will do anything you say". He has become overly emotional with me, crying frequently, touching and kissing me constantly, and never wanting to be without me. He even follows me to the bathroom when I take a shower. My daughters have noticed the change too, and they think that it's very very strange, as do I. My oldest thinks he's just a master manipulator, who's desperate to keep me, but my teenager wants to believe he's sincere, and is scared that we will divorce. He's also telling me that he cant afford to move out, but doesn't want to keep our home either, so he wants to try and convince me that he's a "changed man" and that I should stay with him.  My feelings haven't changed, but I feel guilty also.  What should I do?  He has had passive suicidal thoughts also.

[1mommabear2]

Ok so I just got divorced from a man that fits that description! He's totally manipulating you, he know how to pull you back in, just to do it all over again!  Men like this thrive on the power they have over you and he is continuing to do it by saying he's changed and it will never happen again. My ex husband has a girlfriend that he does the same things that he used to do to me, he tells her that he's the bread winner and her measly job doesn't do squat! The list goes on and on! It's a sad situation, and I honestly don't think he even realizes the damage that type of demeaning comments have on people!

[thatquietgirl]

I agree with your oldest.  He IS a manipulator.  There is no reason why he would change so drastically.  This is his third marriage, and that's saying something.  I wouldn't doubt if this all changes once he feels safe again.  He knows what the problem is either from you directly telling him or from being in counseling with you, and he's playing on that.  He knows crying will get to your emotions as we all know the power of tears.  The touching and kissing is something that releases hormones that make you feel good.  Between the two and not leaving you alone for a second, he's still being controlling.  He's still being manipulative.  Don't let him fool you.