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730826 tn?1317943334

Online affair.

There is this girl who has been with a guy for 4 years. We will call her Beth and him Bob. If anyone is familiar with facebook, you might know there is 'farmtown'. Well on there you can talk to anyone else on there from anywhere in the world. Bob was on there and started talking to a girl in the Philippines. We will call her Chico. Bob ad Chico added each other on facebook and started talking. It went further and they  talked on yahoo messenger and on blackberries. Every time Bob was taking to Chico on the computer, when Beth would walk in the room, he would turn the computer so Beth couldnt see and would close the page. Beth knew something was going on so she said, I know you are talking to her so stop hiding stuff is you have nothing to hide.

Bob had sent Chico a message one day from his phone. It then made the noise that it didnt send. He was out of the room so he asked Beth to save it so he could resend it. It deleted somehow before Beth got to it. She did, however see what he was replying to. A message from Chico saying' come live the luxurious life with me' Beth looked at other messages from her and there was one of Chico standing in front of a waterfall, naked. All the sent messages were deleted but Beth saw the recieved ones. Chico keeps telling Bob to leave Beth for her and that it hurts her when she sees his status as being with Beth.

This has been going on for at least 6 months now. Beth keeps telling Bob to stop talking to her that it bothers her. He said that that was all she had to do was ask, but hes still talking to her! Beth had his password so went on Bobs profile and deleted her. A week later he still hadnt re-added her. Now he has and was up at 5 am talking to her again.
It happens often when Beth will wake up to him getting back to bed and checks his phone later to see that yup, he was up talking to her.

Beth and Bob have been dating 4 years. They have a 2 year old together (long story but he left her when she was 3 months pregnant with their planned baby and then started talking to her a couple months before their baby was born and got back together) She doesnt know what else to do. Once when he was out of town, they had a fight because he said he was coming home early to have a night out rather than spending time with his family who hadnt seen him in a couple weeks. (his baby is such a daddys girl toos o she was miserable the whole time he was gone) In that fight she told him when he got home to pack his things and leave, then he started sucking up and saying he woudl change. He refused counselling. What is Beth to do?

17 Responses
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Avatar universal
she needs to tell him he either stops or he leaves.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Real simple...me or her (period), no more if or buts, me or her now and back it up.

This is internet infidelity and if they were to break up over this Chico chick and he met her and it doesn't quite turn out the way he thought it would over the internet, he would have big regrets, so, this is real simple....me or her right now!
Helpful - 0
730826 tn?1317943334
I agree. She has said that, hes said here, but is sill talking to this other girl at 5am! She said seh really loves him and hes been helping out alot more and more loving but hes still talking to Chico!.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I would leave and take the computer with me :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
This is one that is not to be taken lightly by him. She has to show him that she means business, if after the "She goes, or I go and he continues, she needs to take action"...This behavior is not to be tolerated and fast action to nick it in the butt on the spot (I know, I'm a little harsh, but I mean business with men....behavior not tolerated).
Helpful - 0
902589 tn?1268148853
Just like everyone else said, he needs to choose! Beth or Chico(doesn't chico mean boy en espanol? lol) Anyways he needs to choose and stick with that choice. if he chooses Beth then he needs to stop ALL contact with Chico. And if he continues to contact her then Beth needs to walk out that door and not look back.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have a male cousin nicked name Chico and yes it mean boy in Spanish. (lol)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
leave him and get on with her life  ko
Helpful - 0
730826 tn?1317943334
I see that too, but how does she find the strength to do that when she loves him (the *** that he is, she still loves him)  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Love is an emotion that can be debilitating or facilitative and she has to begin by having self respect and never permiting a man to have that much control over her emotions. She needs to first except that the behavior goes against her moral values and accepting that the only person that she can control and take action is for herself.

It is simply unexceptable behavior and if she stays with him she a weak, controlled, low self esteemed person who will continue to be in dysfunctional relationships because she is "in love". Some behaviors are not to be tolerated weather he is the lover of her life or not, but if he loved and respected her, he would never bring anyone else into his life.

also, if she is that weak minded, to seek a counselor to be able to stand on her own two feet!
Helpful - 0
303824 tn?1294871401
Given this guy's history, Beth would be much better off without him. He refuses counseling, which means he refuses to better himself, which also means he doesn't want to stop! It's time to face reality here, and that is this guy is bad news. Beth can either continue to put up with it, or leave. Either way will be miserable, but at least the 2nd option has a light at the end of the tunnel.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Beth needs to have some respect for herself!!! She needs to put her foot down & tell Chico straight up Me or her. If it were Me I wouldn't even put up with that sh*t or give him a choice, I would just leave him!!  What hes doing to Beth  is very disrespectful, selfish, and heartless. I don't care if its cheating over the internet or in person. Its still cheating & she shouldn't put up with it. Chico is not gonna change. Beth is going to end up being heartbroken regardless.

I really think Beth should go to individual counseling and work on her self esteem and learn how to Love herself & put her needs first. She needs to get the strength to leave him and not put up with that from Chico or any other man. I doubt he will change, he doesn't even want to go to counseling to her. That goes to show what kind of person he is & how serious he is NOT!! Shes better off without that loser!
Helpful - 0
730826 tn?1317943334
Thanks you all. The hard part is convincing her of all this. Ive told her to leave him, and that many people would help her out with house payments or whatever needs to happen.
I think hte best thing would be for her to go to a counsellor like you said so she can be independent and make the choice for her self. Il suggest that to her. Thank you all so much.
Helpful - 0
902589 tn?1268148853
I hope she comes to her senses and gets the strength to leave him! He is basically focusing on an imaginary relationship and should be focusing on his real relationship with Beth. You can't have a real relationship over the internet or through the phone! People lie, they make up stories about themselves adn who even knows if Chico's pic is what she really looks like?? He's in a fantasy world and needs to snap out of it.

And Beth needs a self esteem boost so she can realize how messed up this is and take her life into account and not put up with it.
Helpful - 0
730826 tn?1317943334
Oh I know about the fantasy thing. My MIL (the M is for monster in this case) Goes on lavalife and has met lots of people. She met them in person, went by her self and when to their home the first night ans slept with the guys. She just got back saturday from hongkong where she met up with a guy who lives in australia. She met up with another aussy in june. The one in june she was head over heals for and when she first saw him, she knew he wasnt the one but continued to sleep with him and lead him on because he paid for her trip! It sickens me that she has this life (she is also an alcoholic so that could be where the craziness comes from)
Helpful - 0
1060231 tn?1338390135
most people will stay with him because of the children but what happens when the children find out how hurtful he was to beth.they will look down on him or they will look down on bethg beings the baby is such a daddy's girl she might think bad of beth no matter what happens.its a no win situation.i say leave him.we already know the reputation facebook has so that has to tell you something.beth should take her children and start a new life not excluding him from the childrens lives
Helpful - 0
1060231 tn?1338390135
when you get hurt time and time again don't keep going back for more just because you love him.i loved this women oncre along time ago and she kept hurting me with her ex boyfriends always talking about them and she thought it was ok to stay in contact with them so one day i woke up and said to myself as much as i love her i have to let her go for my own good and fifteen years later she called me and we started seeing each other again.in all those years she hasn't changed one bit so i let her go for the last time and she asked why and i told her but she kept trying to defend herself.letting her go was the healthies thing i could have done for myself. don't jump out of the frying pan and jump into the furnace
Helpful - 0
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