Need help

[Brian0357]

I am 20 years old. I live at home. I meta  girl and she moved in with us about 7 months ago. I will make a long story short as possible. SHe moved from another state to live with me. She has had some health issues causing her to gain some weight which kind of bothers me. I know it sounds shallow but there is so much more to it. I am having some anxiety right now, dont know what to do with school and am just having a plain old hard time with life. I am confused and am not sure how to let go. I feel like it is probly the right thing to do, even though sometimes I feel like I dont want to. She just started school and all this other **** so it makes me feel even more locked in. I just wonder if this is contributing to my anxiety and other problems.... Not sure what to do please help.

[gagootza]

even with her illness if she gets her own place you can still be there for her if she needs you but at your age you shouldn't put all that on your shoulders.i hope i don't sound heartless but at your age thats an awfull lot to take on.she probably feels unconfortable laying all this on you and you and her will feel a lot better if she got her own place.

[gagootza]

you let her move into your world and now you feel like you can't breathe.you should make her move out and get her own place and if you want to spend some time together you can go over her place.she shouldn't be living in your parents house with you.your parents shouldn't have allowed it to start with.your anxiety will go away once she moves out and you will be able to breathe again.everyone needs a certain amount of space that belongs to them.the way it is now your limited on what you can do.do yourself a favor and help her find her own place.good luck

[Judy246]

I personally thinkg that kicking a person when they are down is heartless and I believe in compassion for the ill, especiall a potentially life threatening illness. I think it's best to contact her parents and have them step in to be there for her and support her. Maybe one day, when she feels better, you can get together with her, but you are both soooo young and not ready for this type of situation, but cancer doesn't care age or gender. Talk with her and make a plan that will work well for both of you. Good luck...Judy

[mami1323]

Of course you feel overwhelmed.  Taking care of another human being that you don't know all that well is not an easy thing to do.  All the time and emotions that come from caring for someone and then not having the time to be young and carefree is difficult.  Heck caring for a sick spouse or partner after being together for years is hard, let alone being only 20.  One thing is though, she doesn't have her family at all.  I would think they would at least help her through during her radiation treatments.  Now you are in a tough position.  You feel obligated to be with her since you feel like she has no one and she's sick and you basically don't want to hurt her while she is going through a tough time.  But you can't stay with her out of pity and out of guilt.  She moved with you because she wanted to.  You didn't bind her and put her in a suitcase and move her over to your house.  She did that on her own.  You both have a right to be happy and if that means you have to end the relationship with her than so be it.  If you feel sad to kick her out than you save up money and move out yourself and see if your parents wouldn't mind her staying.  I think her weight gain is just a veil to cover the real issues you are facing in this relationship.  Be honest with her and it will hurt her but she will move on.  

[Brian0357]

Thanks I mean yeah I know that it probly wasnt the smartest move but I kind of agreed that she could live with me. I mean she has kind of a rough family right now too so I tried to be there to help. She had radiation not chemo, but it still took a toll on her. I mean its hard because sometimes I just feel like I am to young to want to deal with this... My anxiety isnt helping either as I just started medication and it sends me through these up and down moods.

[Judy246]

I understand that it was a mutually agreed relationship and your right we don't know all of it especially her bout with cancer. Chemo will make her swollen and change her physical appearance and she should have been home with her parents through the ordeal.  Have a talk with her and her family should be contacted righ away to help and support her. Good luck.

[Brian0357]

There is alot more to this story than you guys realize.... Thanks for the advice though. Its not that I took her from her family, she didnt really have anyone at the time and she was getting through cancer. I still dont feel good about this by any means though.

[RockRose]

You're too young to have made a commitment like this,  and I'm really surprised your parents thought that was okay to have some girl move in.  I guess the "us" is your parents home but you don't say.

You aren't stuck.  You have no commitment whatsoever to this woman,  she was foolish to move from her family while she is unable to support herself,   with no commitment,  but she can just move back to her family or move out,  and in fact,  so could you.  

I don't think it's shallow to object to someone gaining weight,  especially if it's a new relationship and all you have to base it on is sex anyway -   It's not like you've been married to her for 20 years and she got cancer and her hair is falling out and now you're rejecting her.

She's a girlfriend who was foolish enough to move in,  and gain a lot of weight,  and you are too young to be committed anyway.

This can be a GREAT lesson in life for both of you and thank goodness there are no babies yet,  so you have no reason whatsoever not to break up if that's your desire.

[heatherlynn22]

i agree with the ladies it was completely irresponsible and inconsiderate of you to invite another person to live with you when you don't even have your own place. now not only do your parents have to feed you and provide shelter for you but this woman who is probably a complete stranger to them. why didn't you wait until you were out of school, financially stable and have your own home before inviting a woman to live with you?

judy nailed it on the head. you claim to not "care" about the weight gain but you do. otherwise you would not have mentioned it. so she gains some weight, not as attractive as you like so you're done with her. tell her. the sooner you end it the easier it will be. (not that it will be easy) this woman moved away from her home, family and friends thinking you loved her. she puts on some weight and now she's going to have her heart broken. at least the 2 of you don't have children and are not married. the sooner you tell her your true feelings the better.

[jo929]

If you are still in school, i guess your parents have to support both of you, i would never let one of my children bring someone in my home to live with them, it is just not done what kind pf person are you that you expect so much from your parents and you are not even out of scholl get her out and grow up learn to suppot yourself before you even think about getting a girlfriend, you are very immature and your parents i just cant imagine such a thing.  jo

[Judy246]

The truth is she gain weight and now you don't want her and I will never understand if you don't have your own place and dependent on parent, why bring in another mouth feel and space to take? If you were not financially able to support yourself and her in your own apartment, you should have never brought her to your parents home.

There is only one way to do this and it's going to hurt her and effect her and I hope you don't ever put another woman in this type of situation again!  Tell her as soon as possible that you are just not feeling it and have decided that you do not want to be in an excluisive relationship at this point in time. Tell her you will support her and financially assist her going back home if necessary, but I'm going to tell you, it's going to get ugly, because she left home for you and is registered in school and this is completely going to hurt her self confident, etc.  Never do this again...Judy