Aa
Please help, scared of rejecting a boy and leading him to suicide. (touchy)
I've been talking to someone for a few days now, I've had a friend talk to me about him for a long time, and as far as i can tell he's not mentally stable, has depersonalisation disorder and severe depression. He's a sweet person, but I'm not attracted to him anything more than a friend. He's been flirting with me a lot, opening a lot of doors and almost confessing to me a few times, I can tell. And I'm so scared that he'll ask because I'm scared that he'll do something he'll regret, and that I'll regret for the rest of my life. I know it'll happen, ever since my friend told me about him I knew not to get in touch with him, just to nod along to what she says about him and how nice he is. What makes it even worse is that it's long distance, I'll never forgive myself if something happens to hin, and I can't just lie and say I love him. I can't lie to him about something he's so passionate about, but I know that he's so close to the edge of suicide, and if not, if I reject him I'll lose all contact with his friends. So many of my closest friends, just gone, hating me for telling the truth. I don't know what to do, maybe this is all just in my head. I know what it's like to lose someone to suicide, I know the signs that lead up to it, and I know that my words aren't strong enough to stop it. Please, I need to know what to do. Do I lie to him and live a relationship built on lies or tell him we need to stay friends and risk losing him alltogether? I don't know why I care so much, I've never met him in real life, everything has just been phone calls and text messages, but I don't want to lose him and live in guilt for the rest of my life. I'm sorry if this is a bit of a tangent, this has been stuck on my mind all day and I can't focus or even breath without wheezing. Please respond any advice, any other options there are.
Can you tell us how it came about that you lost your "closest friends" because of this?
I agree, if this boy has made suicidal threats you do need to call the police.
You've said this " if I reject him I'll lose all contact with his friends. So many of my closest friends, just gone, hating me for telling the truth. "
and i don't understand what you mean.
Are you saying that if you don't tell a suicidal boy that you've texted with for 3 days that you "love him" you'll lose all his friends and you've already lost "so many of your closest friends, just gone, for telling the truth"
So are you saying that you've lost so many of your closest friends because you have told them that you don't "love" this boy after 3 days of texting?
If this is the case, i'm afraid you do not have friends in any of these people, your friends or his friends, because absolutely 0 friends would ever say this to you.
I think it's time for you to admit that you don't have a close circle of friends that you can count on and brave it alone, until you do meet some real friends that care about you. If you are a very young person, this could take time, as people need to mature in order to be a good friend in many circumstances.
I think you would be far wiser, to go and get yourself a part time job, and start to build your resume rather than to waste any more time on these posers you call friends, because it doesn't sound like they are worth any more of your time.
Also, focus on school and getting the best grades, make friends with kids that are focused on getting into a good college and pursing a career that will set them up for a good adult life.
You really need to get your priorities straight and look after yourself and beware of calling just anybody your "friend". All the closets friends that you think you had, was a lie. You need to raise the bar in who you call your closest friends, that's for sure.
I hope you come back to your post. You can make long distance friends here on Medhelp that will support you to have your best life, i can assure you of that. All you have to do is recognize who really wants to be a good friend and reach out to people that are wise and can actually help you grow strong, not deplete your strength.
You've said this " if I reject him I'll lose all contact with his friends. So many of my closest friends, just gone, hating me for telling the truth. "
and i don't understand what you mean.
Are you saying that if you don't tell a suicidal boy that you've texted with for 3 days that you "love him" you'll lose all his friends and you've already lost "so many of your closest friends, just gone, for telling the truth"
So are you saying that you've lost so many of your closest friends because you have told them that you don't "love" this boy after 3 days of texting?
If this is the case, i'm afraid you do not have friends in any of these people, your friends or his friends, because absolutely 0 friends would ever say this to you.
I think it's time for you to admit that you don't have a close circle of friends that you can count on and brave it alone, until you do meet some real friends that care about you. If you are a very young person, this could take time, as people need to mature in order to be a good friend in many circumstances.
I think you would be far wiser, to go and get yourself a part time job, and start to build your resume rather than to waste any more time on these posers you call friends, because it doesn't sound like they are worth any more of your time.
Also, focus on school and getting the best grades, make friends with kids that are focused on getting into a good college and pursing a career that will set them up for a good adult life.
You really need to get your priorities straight and look after yourself and beware of calling just anybody your "friend". All the closets friends that you think you had, was a lie. You need to raise the bar in who you call your closest friends, that's for sure.
I hope you come back to your post. You can make long distance friends here on Medhelp that will support you to have your best life, i can assure you of that. All you have to do is recognize who really wants to be a good friend and reach out to people that are wise and can actually help you grow strong, not deplete your strength.
COMMUNITY LEADER
No person should feel like their actions or words are what another person's life hinges on. That's not fair to you and something you should NOT be involved in. Agree that you do not really know him. Three days and his life depends on you? Nah. That makes no sense. If you know his parents, you could make a courtesy call to let them know of his fragile state so they can help him. If he has made suicidal threats, you can call the police. You can provide him with the hotline number of suicide prevention sites as you tell him you can't talk to him anymore. At all. Because this isn't healthy for either of you.
If he is suicidal, he needs professional intervention. This you can not provide. So, get out of this situation completely and never tie yourself to this kind of thing again. the teen years are hard. Many struggle. But this is over the top.
If he is suicidal, he needs professional intervention. This you can not provide. So, get out of this situation completely and never tie yourself to this kind of thing again. the teen years are hard. Many struggle. But this is over the top.
Think about it, you've known him for 3 days - it's dangerous for you to get to know him in any way so do the right thing and back off or you'll be the one bringing more drama to him and you're right he can't handle it
lose his friends then, but walk from this drama - no dear, his life does not depend on your lies
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