Is my husband bi?

[ineedanswers171]

I think my husband is bi-sexual. we have been married for 2 1/2 years. A while ago I found a print out of a profile from a gay website - he told me it came out when he was printing something else. The profile showed that someone was signed onto the website. My husband is very secretive with his laptop - he has it security locked. One time I managed to look on his history which showed the same gay web site. He made some excuse. I have recently found condoms and lubricating gel in his work bag - he claimed it was work related which is totally not the case. I have also managed to get onto the website and found the person that was signed in on the printout sheet - the profile matches my husband and a photo (topless) was on the profile. It didn't show his face but I am sure it is my husband. I really don't know what to do next.

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, his questioning his own sexuality is a bit worrisome.  However, he is telling you that he would like to be loyal to the marriage.  Would he speak to a therapist to get some clarity?

[ineedanswers171]

Thanks for your answer. I have confronted my husband with the efidence. He claims that is thought that he might be bi but feels now thay he isn't. He also stated that he couldnt cheat on me because he loves me too much. I am so confused . My husband is 43 is it likely that at this age he could start having these thoughts or am i just being naive ?

[Nighthawk61]

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you :( I agree that there is more than enough proof that your husband is gay and is not comfortable being so in public, and RR is right, that in itself can provide a host of problems in itself. Thankfully you found out about this. Maybe he wanted you to find out. It would have been so easy for you not to find out. Are you willing to be with a man who cheats on you and lies about it, is the question. Also, you obviously need to get a check for HIV STD's and HEP, and not have unprotected sex, while your figuring this out, if you're still having sex with him. The problem with this situation is that he's lying about it, and it's very very hard to be able to ever trust a person who is a liar. Right? I know this is hard to take, but, many many many of us women have had to walk away from our first marriages, and at the time it's a huge source of anxiety, but as time goes on, we recover and end up meeting the best partner that we could ever have imagined. It's not always on the first time out the gate, and that *****. I feel for you. I had to leave my first husband, lost my second, and am currently with the nicest, most honest, caring love of my life. There is life after lies and infidelity. Peace be with you. If you need to talk, I feel comfortable saying please reach out by personal message to any one of us, we'd be happy to help you muddle through this. Liz

[RockRose]

I'm not a believer in bi-sexuality in men.

It sounds like he's gay,  and has struggled mightily to maintain a mainstream heterosexual lifestyle and he's failing at it.  

If you don't have any children,  it's time to consider  getting out.  

In this lifestyle,  he is in real danger.  Closeted gays who are engaging in relationships with anonymous men they meet on the net are in danger of contracting several diseases,  HIV and Hepatitis,  and are also in real danger for physical violence.  Single gay men who are out of the closet aren't in many of these dangers - they are free to date friends of friends, and meet at their home or in safe public places.  Gay men who have wives (called "beards") who have secret sexual relations with men are forced to do this anonymously and go into these meetings having no idea what they might encounter - and that includes groups of homophobes who trick and trap them and beat them up,  or worse.  

Best wishes.  This is hard,  but I can't imagine what more evidence you would need to know that he's gay and is acting on his desires,  putting you both at risk.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

I think Your decision here is do You want to remain Married to a bi-sexual Man AND one who is apparently cheating.

Whether He likes Men or Women or Both, well.....we all know what condoms and lubricant is for AND that One doesn't need to carry them outside the bedside table unless there is some sort of outside "activity"

I'm sorry You have this to contemplate -  I can't imagine Your ordeal, most especially if You had no idea before You Married.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Well, do you think he is cheating on you?  That to me is really the question here.  Some people have odd fantasy lives that are very different than the life they live.  Would I be thrilled my husband was on a web site with a profile and pic to meet others?  No.  

But what is more concerning to me is that he has items such as condoms and lubricants in a bag and tells you they are work related.  Now, what kind of work does he do that he needs that?  

That last part is what I'd focus on.  good luck