Needing more after 20 years

[Flirtygirl87]

I have been with my husband for 20 years. I had a stroke a little over a year ago. He didn't handle it so well.. my sex drive was completely gone. He made me feel bad about it with his reactions. Realizing I had some confidence issues he encouraged me to go on some online dating sites and see what kind of attention I received and if it would make me feel better about myself. I received a lot of attention some guys wanted to meet up. My husband encouraged me to meet up with two guys for some of my fantasies. I agreed still didn't change my mind about oral sex. Still didn't do a thing for me. But tried anal which I have never cared for with my husband being on the larger side and the one I tried it with not so large. It was the best experience I had ever had. But now my husband keeps begging me for it even after explaining to him be of his size it is very painful. I honestly don't enjoy sex with him any longer. What do I do? He is constantly worried about who I am talking to and stuff now.

[Flirtygirl87]

We do have sex it just isn't my priority with him and I don't go to him for it. Only when he comes to me sex happens. I have not met up with anyone else this was a one time thing. I do think about seeking someone else on occasion. But I can not get out of his sight. He takes me to all appointments and any shopping I want/need to do. I am being smothered. I don't know if it is a trust issue or what. Checks my phone all the time. Can't talk to anyone. Only shared all details bc of how excited he was.

[specialmom]

Oh my.  Well, welcome to the forum.  This is a tough one.  I'm not sure I get your marital relationship.  LOL  You had a stroke so had no sex drive.  So, husband -encouraged- you to hook up with men sexually on a dating site?  Whew, a lot to take in there.  And you still don't want sex with him but enjoyed anal with a stranger.  And he's concerned about this??  Okay, why are you two together?  

And why did you tell him everything you did with another man?  Did he need to know you had anal and really liked it?  Do you still meet this man or others for anal sex?  

Having a hard time understanding this.  Maybe it is time to go out on your own in life and he can find someone that IS attracted to him and wants to have sex with him (anal or otherwise)?  

And if you have an open relationship, no judgment.  That's your lifestyle choice.  But with that I guess comes dynamics of working out that you will do some things sexually with strangers and then not with him . . .  maybe just don't share so many details of what you do outside of your marriage with him??