Relationship question

[specialmom]

What's more important to a relationship---  common values or commonalities (like preferences in music, your interests, etc.).

What's your opinion?

[RockRose]

I don't think common interests are all that important - my husband and I spend a lot of our spare time doing different things,  apart.  Common values are pretty important - like,  if one of you is law abiding and the other isn't,  that's a problem.  If one of you is vegan and the other loves burgers,  not sure that's a problem.

I posted an article a while back on this forum,  about "kindness" being the best indicator of how long a relationship will remain healthy.

Two people who are kind,  and respectful,  and loving are what it takes.  You get one in there who sets the other up to fail,  sabotages the other,  is disrespectful,  humiliates the other,  etc.,  and the relationship is a flop even though they may remain together.  

The article talked about how this one guy could spot it in a 15 minute interview.  I can too - there are couples who are supportive and kind to each other,   and couples who are always watching for their partner to make a mistake they can jump on.

So.  I don't think commonalities are as important as treating each other like they're your favorite person.

[goldenlove]

I think common values are the most important. I think you can have a happy relationship, even if you don't share common interests, but I don't personally think you can have a happy relationship without common values. At least not a long lasting happy relationship.

[Londres70]

I think both are important in regards to a relationship, however, I think it is paramount that the common values and commonalities don't change to an extreme where the two have no common ground.  It's a balancing act.  

I believe both common values and commonalities can change over time especially if the relationship started at an earlier age.

[specialmom]

Good answer clement4now!  I think having it all is ideal.

Ya know, I go back and forth.  You see so many couples grow apart because they have nothing in common and don't enjoy things together as companions.  Or one is much more social and wants to go to and have parties and the other is a home body who hates that.  They may always be at odds and not understand each other.  I think it is hard when you don't enjoy the same things as a couple to sustain things long term.  

But then values can be deal breakers too depending on what it is.  

What do others think?

[clement4now]

In my opinion, common values; because peoples interests can change whereas values I would think remain somewhat constant...

My ideal relationship would be the whole enchilada; I want it all :)