She cares about me but needs space.?.?

[Chumchi]

My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and have always been in a long distance relationship. We see eachother for about a week every month and things were going great, maybe a little to good? We would txt n talk on the phone regularly between our time apart.

Over the last month since we saw each other things changed. We would still text here and there but our phone calls became obsolete. What phone calls I would try to make she would answer but would be busy and forget to call back. Over this time she became very busy with work and also lost one of her best friends due to a new job. While she would still respond to my txt she did not I initiate any conversation and it was all shot but very sweet.

After a few weeks of this went by I mentioned to her a few times that it would be nice if she would call or txt every now and then. She would apologize and say that she was very busy and I was understanding for about another week until I told here how I felt about the situation. I told her that she was making everything else a priority and that anything from her I had to force out of her, but that I was not mad about it and that it actually showed me how strongly I feel for her. Her short response was that we need to talk but later and that she needed her space.

I would try to contact her once every other  day for the next week apologizing and telling her that I would be able to talk with no response. This was all a week before we were supposed to meet again. The day before we were supposed to meet again she sent me a txt saying that we need time apart, she thought I need to focus on myself  and that she did too. She said that she can't give me what i need right now and she can't feel the sadness or guilt and pressure of knowing that and having one more thing to stress about. She also said that she cares about me a lot and that she is in a place where she need to work on herself.

Since I still had plans in the same city we arranged to meet and talk more about it in person. During our conversation I found that she was extremely stressed over work so much to the point that she was thinking about leaving. She told me that she couldn't give me everything that I was giving her and that she really cares for me and doesn't want to hurt me. She also mentioned that she would like for me to be there with her sometimes but doesn't want it to happen if she doesn't know if she is staying. I let her know that none of my feelings have changed for her and that I am always here for her but that I understood that she needed space. We are still together and she said that we would still talk but that I would give her space to work on things. She sent me a message later that night and a day later that she was really happy we talked.

Before the week started I told her to have a great week, and have not received any response since 5 days ago.

I know it's not that long but for some reason it is tearing me up more than ever now trying to give her the space she says she needs when I know she is stressed and that I could be there for here when she wants me to be. My job is flexible and would be able to move if need be. I was thinking of moving there a few months ago but the cost of living is about 3x than where I'm at now. I would love to be with her now even more than before but know she wants her space. I'm not sure if I should wait for the next time she wants to talk again or what to do. And I've come to the realization since talking to her, that why am I even taking money into consideration when it comes to life and love.

[RockRose]

Here's what she's saying,  IMHO.    She thinks she might want you,  but isn't all that sure and wants to keep you there in case she decides she does want you,  or if nothing that appeals to her more comes along soon.  She actually would like you to move near her,  except if she decides she doesn't want you anymore it's a sticky embarrassing situation and she couldn't easily be done with the relationship.

Move on.  This is not going to get better.  People in a relationship who "need space" aren't suited for the other partner who doesn't "need space",  i.e.,  less of the relationship.

[specialmom]

Hi there. My suggestion is to take this at face value for now.  Some people ARE like turtles when stressed. They pull themselves into their shell to 'deal'.  I am a bit like that.  Your response to her when she says she is stressed at work is to look at it like an excuse for not being with you or around you or calling/texting you rather than "oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I've been adding to your stress.  Take the time you need and I'm here for you."  She's saying she's going through a difficult time and you still made it all about you and your feelings.  You still are today.  

I'm a married woman.  When my husband has an issue that is weighing heavily on his mind, I can always tell.  He starts off with a bit of distance, doing his own thing around the house and not wanting to 'let me in' right away.  I just give him his time and then he opens up to me.  If I told him when he did that that it wasn't okay to need his space . . .  it totally takes away from what HE is going through.  Do I think my spouse doesn't love me because this is his way of dealing with something emotionally (or otherwise) hard for him?  I try to be open to his style and there for him.   I don't take it personally and try to give him what he needs.  

So, your girlfriend is telling you that times are difficult for her and she's trying to cope and the pressure this relationship puts on her and her feelings that she has to please YOU when she's just trying to get through the day . . .   think about that.  

Unless you think it is all an excuse which that does happen.  

So, give her space.  TRY to be understanding and make this about her and not you and your hurt feelings.  You can decide for how long you want to do this.  If you get to the point that it seems pointless, then you can tell her that this isn't working for you and move on.  And as your relationship gets closer (as in you two are true partners rather than long distance lovers)--  you can tell her that you want to be there for the good, bad and the ugly.  That you can give her space to lick her wounds but you want to be there for her too.  Etc.  

But clinging more to a relationship where someone is clearly in a different head space than you doesn't work to fix it.  I'm sorry.  I do hope it works out for you and please come back and let us know!

[clement4now]

Don't change your life plans for this relationship. She's telling you that she is busy w/her life. Appreciate what you've had w/ her, and make a new path in your life. Good Luck :)

[Chumchi]

That's another thing at the moment my life plans are open and it would actually benefit the direction I want to take my career. If I move there now i just hope it wouldn't come off as wrong but she has told others that she would like us to be together but doesn't want me to move because of her.

[AnnieBrooke]

You can test the situation easily enough.  I believe she is finding work stressful.  The question is what else is going on.

Either
#1 she is finding her work stressful and has also found someone new, or
#2 she is finding her work stressful and is not that into you any more without finding someone new, or
#3 she is finding work stressful and would welcome more of you.  

Test this by asking her to marry you.  
If she says yes, then it's #3.  Plan to have her move to your town where the cost of living is less.
If she still says she needs space, it's probably #1.