Should I continue talking to a man who is not "stationary"

[SleeplessInFlorida]

I have been talking to this guy that I foresee a LOT of potential in and he expresses the same towards me. We met on an internet dating site, Match.com to be exact. We have not actually met in person yet as we plan to do that in the next couple of weeks. We've been spending time writing each other text messages throughout the day and we usually talk on the phone once a day or every other day. I was the who messaged him on the website as it said he was living local, about 20 minutes from where I live. When we started talking more I found out he was in Georgia for training. He works for the government and after this schooling he will be sent somewhere in the United States and won't know until November.

My question is should I keep talking to him and pursuing this or am I setting myself up for a heartache? Everytime I have tried to pursue something with a man who was possibly leaving they always dropped me and said they couldn't do the commitment nor the long term relationship. I understand him and I have not been talking very long, about a week would be accurate. I know it doesn't sound like a whole long time but after hour long conversations daily you can really start to assess if you feel any connection there and have any interest to meet. I know myself well and I know once I meet him in person it is going to intensify everything and I am going to start falling for him. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it is just how I will always be!

My question is, is it wise to never meet up with him in the next couple weeks and to cut all ties here? Would I have any position to ask him at this point if him and I were to hit it off and want to pursue a relationship and he leaves how would he go about it? I can't leave where I am at for another 13 months as I have school to finish. I am 23, he is 30. I sort of hinted around it today on the phone and said something along the lines of I feel weary talking to someone who isn't "stationery" and I wonder if we should even continue all this. He said "Do you want to stop talking cause I don't" and I said no but when I start talking to people from Match.com I do it hopes of finding someone I am compatible with for a relationship more so than just a friendship. He said he likes those hopes. I am not even sure what that means. I feel like this is deja vu because I swear I have been in situations like this where I was the hopeful, wishful, live for today kind of woman and got used and dropped and suffered a terrible heartache!

Advice, please. As he seems to be a wonderful guy but this possible location issue is putting a burden on my enthusiasm to continue talking to him or not!

[specialmom]

Well, I'd be concerned that he has asked you to not look into or talk to other men on the site.  The reality is you have not met.  This does not a relationship make.  Asking you to be exclusive already is odd.  That is just my opinion.  I'd see that as a red flag.  I think because it is a dating site----- sometimes things get put into the fast lane but maybe it shouldn't be.  He doesn't know where he'll go in November and maybe it will be no where or close by.  But I'm more worried about the level of feeling after so little time or contact--------- on both of your sides.

I would back off.  And if you have an internal warning bell-----------  sometimes it is dead on the money.  And I think you are hearing your's go off.  If you can't back up your feelings and just see this as fun and not you looking for your husband---------- then I think you should just not meet.  I don't like that he asked you to not talk to others.  At all.  goodluck

[SleeplessInFlorida]

Oh no, he mentioned it as soon as we started talking. I don't really sense he is up to anything scandalous.

[RockRose]

Sleepless,  I would be VERY suspicious that he actually is where he says he is.  

It's very weird that he only mentioned not being local once you "got talking more".  Very suspicious.  

I think the chances are good he's right there,  and doesn't want to meet because he really only wants a phone/text girlfriend.

[SleeplessInFlorida]

Thank you so much I hope you don't mind if I ask you for more insight. I told him I was still chatting with other guys from the site and open to going on dates with them. He said he likes undivided attention to which I replied but wouldn't that be unwise for me to put all my eggs in one basket and he says "I'm worth it". I am sorry but if all he can offer is a long distance relationship is that really worth it?

As I stated in the above post, I know myself and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I know when I meet him I will like him more and yes, you are right I am very EAGER to meet someone as I have met many toads and am always wondering is this the one!? I hate to use the word desperate as I would associate that with me settling for the first guy that came my way and I am most certainly nowhere near being at that level.

So yeah...I really don't want to quit talking to him but I feel like the writings on the wall are hinting that maybe I should.

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, I understand your concern.  I'm just worried that you might view this contact wtih him as "he's the one" type of thing.  It is really too early for that.  Often we have chemistry on the phone and through the internet but have none when we actually meet.  Just go on a date.  I do think you are planning, over thinking and not living your life.  

Yes, it is important to match with someone.  And I agree that if it is high on your list to date someone close by then you should stick to it but I also think being too rigid might get you in trouble and putting your hopes and dreams into someone before you've met them is not a good idea.  It sets us up for disappointment.  

Does that make sense?  I'd love to see you take a step back and be able to go with the flow but if you know you can't handle that---------  do not meet him.  Not everyone we date needs to be our future husband.  And if you already have such strong feelings for him that you are afraid of being hurt-------- I'm worried that you are so ready to have someone that you might throw yourself into something and it will ALWAYS end in disappointment.  

I do wish you luck and please do not worry, when we intensely desire someone we will eventually find them!  You'll find your mate, I have no fear!  Peace.

[SleeplessInFlorida]

Hi,

Well he is in GA for training and will be back here for a weekend in September. We figured we would meet then. I actually asked him today what if we hit it off and wanted to date. He said well that would be great. I had to explain, no...what would we do about distance because I've tried a LDR and it doesn't work. He said I disagree, they do work. So now I think I see what he is thinkig in his mind.

[specialmom]

Okay, honest advice.  I think you are setting yourself up for heartache because you are already feeling such a connection in such a short time without having ever met.  I think that is where the heartache comes into play.  You desperately want someone and while I think dating sites are lovely------- they are for meeting people.  Meeting people means actually getting together.  Getting together means dating and spending time with one another.  And THAT is how we know if someone is a true match for us.  

I think you need to be realistic here.  Dating is for getting to know somoene.  You put the apple cart before the horse.  I don't see you as a "live in today" kind of person because you are already so worried about tomorrow.  

Why haven't you met yet and why do you have to meet up "sometime in the next two weeks"?  I thought it usually worked like they call you, you chat and if you hit it off, you set something up and go out on a date.  Usually close to when they called. I'd go with that as your goal.  Just have an actual date before you try to figure out if he is marriage material.  good luck