Controlling mother ruining my life

[00mustang]

I am recently engaged, my mom had been all excited for me before he propose to me... Ever since the day he proposed my mom has made our lives miserable... it kind of reminds me of the movie monster in law... she just makes life so uncomfortable, she even had the nerve to tell my fiance that his dad wasn't a real man since he didn't have a job to support his family when he and his siblings were little. We had been in a long distance relationship for quite some time and finally he saved up money to move to CO from CA, just for me and I am not going to let my mom ruin this relationship/engagement/my future for me. I've never been this happy before and when she makes life uncomfortable for us, I can't take it. I have been in a lot of arguments lately with her telling her to change her attitude and accept what is and it just seems like she is scared to lose me and she is trying her best to drive him away from me, which is not what I want. My whole family is happy for me getting engaged to this great guy and she was happy he moved here for me, until he proposed... It has to be because she is scared to lose me, but it's a part of life. I don't know what to do anymore.

[specialmom]

Oh goodness.  Hon, there is no rush to marry.   I tell ya that as an old married woman.  It is HARD work.  LOL  I know it seems all perfect and fabulous now and I'm glad you are really happy.  But don't rush it.  There is absolutely no reason to.  I dated for two years, became engaged and then married a whole year later.  I was in my 30's at the time.  I had an awesome job, so did my now husband.  But deciding who to marry is an important decision that I don't believe should be rushed.  

I'd finish college and then get married.

Ya know, I sometimes think that a mom that is reacting as yours is does so out of concern and worry.  Your sister has a curfew because she is living as a child, really.  She isn't supporting herself.  Right?

But to me, a curfew isn't about control. . .  it is about respect. Maybe she worries and can't sleep until you get home?  

Life comes at you fast but when we speed it along---  it often ends in disaster.  good luck though as I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to here.  Peace

[Londres70]

If this is true about her behavior, well.....your mother CAN'T legally do the things you just stated.  No one can "drain" someone's bank account UNLESS it is a joint account.  No one can LEGALLY report a car stolen UNLESS it is his/her car.  Sorry......these sound LIKE pure EMPTY threats to keep you in line or to control you.   You don't ACTUALLY believe this do you?  

IF your mother is financially helping you out then she can refuse to keep helping you IF you marry this guy.  

Your sister is 25 and living at home?  WOW.  

I think you and your sister probably should try to become more financially independent of your parents.  That way you can live your lives like you want, i.e. buy your own cars, no curfews, marry and live with who you want, make your own money and not depend on mom and dad to make ends meet, etc.  

Why are you that afraid of your mother?  Really?  Is she abusive to you and your sister?  She sounds overbearing but I wouldn't call it abusive.

You are an adult, but don't marry someone to escape problems is what I am saying.  If you want to be independent from all this BY YOURSELF....that's one thing, but don't get married to get away from her.

If you want to make your OWN rules, then you NEED your OWN place.

You DON'T call the shots COMPLETELY if you are dependent on someone else for "this and that".....just a fact of life.  

[00mustang]

No it's not the same guy, this guy and I have been best friends for 4 years and is pretty much all I've ever wanted in a guy, I know I want to marry him, it's just my mom makes it worse. It's like she's got multiple personalities or something because at first she was so excited that we finally got together and since he propose, she has just been plain out rude to him, I'm pretty sure she is just trying to push him away from me and I will not let that happen. My dad is perfectly happy with my situation it's just my mom is scared of losing me, which won't happen but it's a part of life, people grow up, get married and start their own lives. I've always been scared of my mom, she always put my sister and I down for doing things, she never let us have a childhood, we are both over the age of 18 and still have curfews, my sister is 25 years old and my mom says that if she moves out, than she is going to report my sister's car stolen and drain all of her bank accounts. My mom is nuts, and yes my sister has multiple bank accounts with only her name on them but not enough to get by.

[Londres70]

Is this the same guy who threatened to make provocative pictures of you public that you are marrying?  

Trying to get pregnant and/or get married to get out of the house and out of the cluches of your mother are NOT good ideas.....trust me.  In fact, this could all backfire on you.  

If you are an adult....legally your mother can't make you stay in her home under her control.  Don't use marriage and/or pregnancy to fix this situation with mom.  

Perhaps liberating yourself from your mother BY yourself isn't a bad idea.  

[RockRose]

You're 19,  and in college according to your profile.

Don't marry this man so young just to escape your mother,  which it surely appears you are trying to do.

Blessings -