Aa
is the affection my husband gives his 7 yr old daughter normal
I am married to a man who has a 7 year old we have had her since she was 3 full time I feel like he gives her affection he should give me he comes home from work and goes straight for her not even saying a word to me if i disciplined her he goes against me she knows that he will get mad at me and let her do what ever i feel her being almost 8 years old and saying she is just a baby is not normal he lets her get in the bed him in his underwear and spoons with her rubs her head and like tickles her back with the tips of his fingers the way he does me it maybe im jealous a bit but i have children and this is uncomfortable for me and weird he picks her up and puts her legs around him they kiss on the lips and she tells him to bite on her ear yes playing is fine like that when they are babies but almost 8 i know he is not doing anything sexual with her but last night he had her in our bed and i asked him to look at some pis online and he was laying on his belly in his underwear and she was runing the tips of her fingers all over his back and sides i will find him staring at her and them smiling at each other and blowing kisses yes its sweet but it goes on an on and our sex life has died because i am not feeling sexual and i don't know why please tell me im not crazy
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. This is an old post and it is best to start your own question to discuss your situation. thanks.
I can say I can relate to this...ALOT. MY BF has a 4 year old daughter and I recently moved in with him. I noticed the daughter became very competitive and clingier when I was around and would do things to distract any attention or affection he would normally give me. If she was playing or coloring I would use that as an opportunity to scoot next to him and cuddle for a little while. As soon as she saw that she would start gushing how much she loved him and would start acting and talking like a baby. If we were all walking somewhere the park or the mall for example and him and i were holding hands she would break our hands apart and come between us. Even more so recently I came home from a long day at work and just wanted to be held by him for a little bit...its comforting to me...the whole time i was next to him she would jump on the furniture and be making loud noises and wanting his attention. She even went as far as crawling next to us and lightly head butting him and wanting to be extra playful and saying you guys need to stop hugging. now she makes it a point to be in his lap and acting like a baby as much as she can when im around. She will expect him to wiper her after she uses the restroom and wash her privates during a bath. I have two daughters and these were things they n=knew how to do before the age of four. If i say how I feel he accuses me of being jealous of her and will isolate me even more to punish me for speaking on what i observe. All i said was that I see her being more competitive and clingier and that he shouldnt cater to it. Her mother is in the picture 50% of the time and he has her 3 days out of every week. But it is hard when he isolates me and I come in the room and hes cuddled up with her and shes laying with her haead in his lap watching tv. Weve had problems with her mom alot and i know I have a little resentment towards his daughter because I know shes that one link that keeps that crazy woman in our life and weve fought alot over the crazy things the mom does to try to upset and disrespect our relationship. Im still working out how to get past that and not have ill feelings towards the daughter. But in my mind I know what his daughter is doing as well as she does and its irritating beyond all belief. He will pick at m 7 year old son for pouting and sulking but doesnt say anything about how she will stand in his face and throw an all out tantrum or wake up crying several times a night because she wants him to be by her. Him and his ex have been split up for 3 1/2 years so i dont understand the resoning of her having a hard time with her parents not being together anymore if this is all shes kknown is them apart. I was a daddys girl and my father adored me but he never let his woman feel in competition with me as hard as i would try as a kid for his attention I learned very young that my father will be affectionate with his woman and I wasnt to interfere and He made it very clear I would receive my attention and affection when it was appropriate...and he would. I learned to respect my fathers time with his woman and knew that would always be my dad and I wanted him to be happy. My boyfriend expects me to lay next to them and hold her and cuddle with her and dote on her. I refuse. I know its weird but it feels weird to lay next to him and her when her head is in his lap. So now that he put that distance between us since ive said how i feel I resent her to a sense for getting the unconditional love and affection that i feel should be ballance between the both of us and its not so it feels in a weird way like shes the other woman. Its easy for him to disregard my feelings snap and yell at me but caters to her and has her on this pedestal (rightfully so to a degree) But ive explained to him i do get irritated with her ALWAYS playing the over the top needy baby that clings to him and every 5 mins its daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy. She acts completely helpless and he runs to her. the waking up screaming and crying in the middle of the night cause me to lose sleep and i dont function well at work. Its gotten to the point i actually have anxiety going home at night when shes there. I try to stay busy and out of their way so she can have him to herself since i know thats what shes trying to accomplish and he will give her. Hes resentful towards me when im like that and I try to tell him how I feel that it gets tiring and draining when shes around. He doesnt understand how I feel when I explain to him Im not comparing myself to a child but it does hurt that as his woman who cooks cleans pay bills is affectionate with him and gives him her all cant get the same type of uncondtional love she gets but in a relationship way. He will be super cold to me and sometimes a real jerk but always super nice to her and dotes on her. Jumps when she says jump. Almsot makes me wonder if he does it out of feelings he may still have deep down for mom ( I never truly felt he is all the way over her) So yes I know how you feel. Youre not wrong or selfish. I thought I was the only woman that felt like this. Its very hard and honeslty if this doesnt owrk out ill never date another man with a daughter especially a young one.
I hope by now that things are resolved, however my take on this is that you have instinctively picked up on something that is inappropriate. Be vigilant not just because of your relationship but because it sounds a bit like this child is at risk.
Good luck and you are not mad. I would be equally concerned.
Good luck and you are not mad. I would be equally concerned.
..... Please help....
Ive ben going out with my BF for over a year and a half now and just before we were together he got week on wk off... One daughter is his she is now 7 and the other daughter he has taken on as his own she is 11
His house is small with only two bedrooms, when i came arond i found out that they sleep toghter in the same bed and she likes to lay all over him while only in either his boxers or pj pants
He was sleeing on the couch with me when it was their time here but now he is sleeping with her and i get to sleep in the couch alone. I feel like a live in nanny that is shunned to the couch... I dont agree with this behaviour as he is a 41 year old man that has uncontrolable body functions throughout the night... Her sister and her are very advanced and know to much about male behaviour... They kiss on the lips and he gazes at her while stroking her head... Ive watcher her sniggle on top of him sliding her leg between his, just how adults lay , it bothers me
It really angers me cause for MONTHS he has said he would get bunk beds or build a bedroom in the downstairs he knows that its not right and will go in spurts not sleeping with her.
Many occations she will say she wants to sleep alone and not to get under the covers her sister knows its not right and asks her to sleep with her in the bed so they arnt sleeping together.
I know that nothing goes on and it is innocent for him but he doesnt realize what and how it can affect her later in life....
What is she going to think when he knows that she is too old to sleep together and wants her daddy a man inhjer bed.... Their mother is a ***** and abuses them mentally and phycally ao home life there is not good but that is a hole different issue that i wont touch apon
When ever i say a thing he gets so angry with me
Will this change her wanting him to sleep with her? She is VERY VERY spioled and she rules him and he says she is the boss so whatever she says goes
She also has said that she wants her iwn room cause its a queen bed with no childlike things at all its an adult room
Im the only one that stresses that she needs a little girl room for her growth as a healthy child
Help me what do i do? What do i think, how should i react? Will this ever change?
Ive ben going out with my BF for over a year and a half now and just before we were together he got week on wk off... One daughter is his she is now 7 and the other daughter he has taken on as his own she is 11
His house is small with only two bedrooms, when i came arond i found out that they sleep toghter in the same bed and she likes to lay all over him while only in either his boxers or pj pants
He was sleeing on the couch with me when it was their time here but now he is sleeping with her and i get to sleep in the couch alone. I feel like a live in nanny that is shunned to the couch... I dont agree with this behaviour as he is a 41 year old man that has uncontrolable body functions throughout the night... Her sister and her are very advanced and know to much about male behaviour... They kiss on the lips and he gazes at her while stroking her head... Ive watcher her sniggle on top of him sliding her leg between his, just how adults lay , it bothers me
It really angers me cause for MONTHS he has said he would get bunk beds or build a bedroom in the downstairs he knows that its not right and will go in spurts not sleeping with her.
Many occations she will say she wants to sleep alone and not to get under the covers her sister knows its not right and asks her to sleep with her in the bed so they arnt sleeping together.
I know that nothing goes on and it is innocent for him but he doesnt realize what and how it can affect her later in life....
What is she going to think when he knows that she is too old to sleep together and wants her daddy a man inhjer bed.... Their mother is a ***** and abuses them mentally and phycally ao home life there is not good but that is a hole different issue that i wont touch apon
When ever i say a thing he gets so angry with me
Will this change her wanting him to sleep with her? She is VERY VERY spioled and she rules him and he says she is the boss so whatever she says goes
She also has said that she wants her iwn room cause its a queen bed with no childlike things at all its an adult room
Im the only one that stresses that she needs a little girl room for her growth as a healthy child
Help me what do i do? What do i think, how should i react? Will this ever change?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, agree with nursegirl and also would like to add that this is a very old post.
One more thing...
It is disturbing and hurtful on so many levels, when we do our dang best to make for a happy and hospitable home for a stepchild that will never regard us as anything other than a babysitter.
From what you've said, I don't think you're trying very hard to make it a happy home...hospitable isn't an adjective I'd use to describe a home for a child...maybe for a hotel. I think if your step-daughter views you only as a babysitter, that's because you are projecting that role...and believe me, kids will pick up on feelings of resentment.
Ofcourse we can't speak of it because we are considered 'bad, unaffectionate' parents. .
You ARE an unaffectionate parent by your own admission. That doesn'rt make you "bad", I just think youve got some very mixed up perceptions about what kids need. If you were raised in a more affectionate envrionment, you'd probably get it a lot more. That doesn't mean you can't learn and change the way you think. You're a mom now, and it's important that you be open minded to considering that everything you believe to be true may not really be true.
It is disturbing and hurtful on so many levels, when we do our dang best to make for a happy and hospitable home for a stepchild that will never regard us as anything other than a babysitter.
From what you've said, I don't think you're trying very hard to make it a happy home...hospitable isn't an adjective I'd use to describe a home for a child...maybe for a hotel. I think if your step-daughter views you only as a babysitter, that's because you are projecting that role...and believe me, kids will pick up on feelings of resentment.
Ofcourse we can't speak of it because we are considered 'bad, unaffectionate' parents. .
You ARE an unaffectionate parent by your own admission. That doesn'rt make you "bad", I just think youve got some very mixed up perceptions about what kids need. If you were raised in a more affectionate envrionment, you'd probably get it a lot more. That doesn't mean you can't learn and change the way you think. You're a mom now, and it's important that you be open minded to considering that everything you believe to be true may not really be true.
Hello there!
I think you're projecting YOUR views, perceptions and expectations from how you were raised onto others. You actually come off as very angry and bitter.
Everyone had different childhood experiences and learned different versions of what is "normal". That doesn't mean one is right and one is wrong, just different.
"I am not jealous for my husbands affections. I do not yearn to be snuggled. I do not need affection and smooches to feel fullfilled as an adult. "
We'll take this comment for starters. This is perfectly fine, but it's how YOU feel and what YOU need. Certainly you can appreciate that everyone needs different levels of affection, especially a child. Not to MENTION a child from a broken home. His daughter is very young, which means she experienced a divorce/break-up pretty early on. That IS very hard for young children and often they DO need a little bit more reasurance. You really can't compare what YOU need as an adult to what a 7 yr old child needs.
"I do not need affection and cuddling either the same way my stepchild is held."
Okay. Well, same as above...you really cannot compare what YOU need
and what SHE needs, and you shouldn't be judging or critisizing what she DOES need based on how YOU were raised, or what YOU need, affection wise.
" I want nothing to do with the behavior that is practiced with his daughter. It somehow puts me and his daughter on the same level? Truly an icky feeling. "
You're again comparing you and her, which is impossible to do. I would
highly doubt that the affection he shows his daughter is anything like the affection and intimacy he would show you. I mean, it sounds like he is affectionate towards his daughter from a father-daughter standpoint. That's not something that has anything to do with you.
" My husband asks why I am so distant and I can't tell him frankly it is a huge turnoff to see you do with your daughter what you want to do with me. "
And what does he say in reply? I find it strange that you're so directly comparing the kind of affection he gives his daughter to the kind of affection he would give to you. Is he giving her long passionate kisses? If he is giving her hugs, and snuggling her, and even letting her sit on his lap, that's normal father-daughter affection. She's SEVEN. That's a very young child! Your husband is already noticing your reactions, and I imagine it's causing tension in the relationship.
"I think step moms need a lil consideration here in these situations. It is at least unsettling to be put in the same category as a stepchild when it comes to affection ."
I think that everyone deserves consideration, but sorry to say, if you're going to compare who deserves the most consideration, it should be and always WILL be the child. And no adult should put their spouse in the position where they feel there is a competition, or that they shouldn't be giving as much affection to the child that they want. Does he give affection to your baby? What if someone said that they thought he gives your baby too much affection? Would that sit well with you? I think YOU are the one who is putting yourself into the same "category", I think that's YOUR hang up based on how you were raised, and how you view affection in general. You were very clear about that, and while that's perfectly fine, it's not okay to place the same expectations YOU have onto other people, especially your husband and his daughter.
"I do not think children require no affection ofcourse but let me say this.. I, for a fact, won't be holding my son and smooching him when he is 7 years old for dang sure. Heck I'd be afraid he would get his a^^ kicked if another boy caught sight of that! And I want his confidence to be in himself."
I'm not sure what to tell you here. If this is true, I feel for your son. If you don't think children require affection, then, with all due respect, you need to educate yourself about child development and parenting. You need to learn what happens to children who grow up in cold, unaffectionate environments. Showing your child love and affection doesn't make them a sissy and shouldn't put them in a position to get teased or their a$$ kicked. Obviously, a parent must use common sense on what kind of affection to show their child at certain times. You want him to build his own confidence...well guess what helps a child build confidence? Affection. If you show your child lots of love and affection, he will probably be MUCH MORE secure than if you didn't. Again, you need to educate yourself about this because you have some very backwards thinking.
"Also.. so much of this has to do with the stepchild trying to assert her role of importance. She feels her relationship is threatened - which is fine and natural for her to feel. But I have an issue when her insecurities are entertained. Frankly all it does is feed the insecurity issue and make for a more insecure adult down the road. Always seeking attention. "
I don't think it has ONE thing to do about feeling threatened, at least not on her end. YOU are viewing her need for affection as needy and attention seeking. Maybe it is to some extent, but at times when children are dealing with lots of big changes (divorce, new step-mom AND a new sibling), they DO need extra reassurance. Again, please read about child development and their emotional needs. The very worst thing an adult could do to a child who is feeling scared and insecure due to the SITUATIONS in her life caused by the adults is give her less affection. Being "tough" with her isn't going to make her a stronger person. It will just make her a cold person, with lots of insecurities, with all due respect, kind of like how you are coming off.
"ALways having to have a high five for the least lil thing they do. Wow she brushed her teeth... do we really need a parade to celebrate this achievement? "
You sound SO bitter. Children need praise, yes they do. Personally, from everything you've said, it sounds like your husband is an EXCELLENT dad who is doing everything right. You'd be smart to observe and learn from him, especially when it comes to raising your own child.
"I have decided in my own case to distance myself from the father/daughter relationship. I have to wall it off. If she is with us... I go into my own self instead of trying to fit into their lil love world where I am clearly not welcome. I wall it off also just to get by. "
This is going to strain your relationships with everyone in that house. You better believe that your young step-daughter is taking ALL of your behavior and putting it all on herself, blaming herself, because that's what kids do. You also are putting your husband in an awful position. You're going to cause a whole lot of resentment.
I'm sorry, but all of these issues that you've put on your step-daughter are YOUR issues. You ARE making this a big competition and you are judging the level of affection your husband has with his daughter, based on your own feelings on the matter. I also cannot stress enough how important it is for you to learn about children. I would strongly recommend some parenting classes. You are going to raise these kids in a cold home, and you are going to accomplish the exact opposite than you think you will...those kids will be insecure and fearful, not confident and strong.
Children need to be shown affection. SOME children need more than others, especially those who are trying to adjust to so many new things in their world.
Good luck!
I think you're projecting YOUR views, perceptions and expectations from how you were raised onto others. You actually come off as very angry and bitter.
Everyone had different childhood experiences and learned different versions of what is "normal". That doesn't mean one is right and one is wrong, just different.
"I am not jealous for my husbands affections. I do not yearn to be snuggled. I do not need affection and smooches to feel fullfilled as an adult. "
We'll take this comment for starters. This is perfectly fine, but it's how YOU feel and what YOU need. Certainly you can appreciate that everyone needs different levels of affection, especially a child. Not to MENTION a child from a broken home. His daughter is very young, which means she experienced a divorce/break-up pretty early on. That IS very hard for young children and often they DO need a little bit more reasurance. You really can't compare what YOU need as an adult to what a 7 yr old child needs.
"I do not need affection and cuddling either the same way my stepchild is held."
Okay. Well, same as above...you really cannot compare what YOU need
and what SHE needs, and you shouldn't be judging or critisizing what she DOES need based on how YOU were raised, or what YOU need, affection wise.
" I want nothing to do with the behavior that is practiced with his daughter. It somehow puts me and his daughter on the same level? Truly an icky feeling. "
You're again comparing you and her, which is impossible to do. I would
highly doubt that the affection he shows his daughter is anything like the affection and intimacy he would show you. I mean, it sounds like he is affectionate towards his daughter from a father-daughter standpoint. That's not something that has anything to do with you.
" My husband asks why I am so distant and I can't tell him frankly it is a huge turnoff to see you do with your daughter what you want to do with me. "
And what does he say in reply? I find it strange that you're so directly comparing the kind of affection he gives his daughter to the kind of affection he would give to you. Is he giving her long passionate kisses? If he is giving her hugs, and snuggling her, and even letting her sit on his lap, that's normal father-daughter affection. She's SEVEN. That's a very young child! Your husband is already noticing your reactions, and I imagine it's causing tension in the relationship.
"I think step moms need a lil consideration here in these situations. It is at least unsettling to be put in the same category as a stepchild when it comes to affection ."
I think that everyone deserves consideration, but sorry to say, if you're going to compare who deserves the most consideration, it should be and always WILL be the child. And no adult should put their spouse in the position where they feel there is a competition, or that they shouldn't be giving as much affection to the child that they want. Does he give affection to your baby? What if someone said that they thought he gives your baby too much affection? Would that sit well with you? I think YOU are the one who is putting yourself into the same "category", I think that's YOUR hang up based on how you were raised, and how you view affection in general. You were very clear about that, and while that's perfectly fine, it's not okay to place the same expectations YOU have onto other people, especially your husband and his daughter.
"I do not think children require no affection ofcourse but let me say this.. I, for a fact, won't be holding my son and smooching him when he is 7 years old for dang sure. Heck I'd be afraid he would get his a^^ kicked if another boy caught sight of that! And I want his confidence to be in himself."
I'm not sure what to tell you here. If this is true, I feel for your son. If you don't think children require affection, then, with all due respect, you need to educate yourself about child development and parenting. You need to learn what happens to children who grow up in cold, unaffectionate environments. Showing your child love and affection doesn't make them a sissy and shouldn't put them in a position to get teased or their a$$ kicked. Obviously, a parent must use common sense on what kind of affection to show their child at certain times. You want him to build his own confidence...well guess what helps a child build confidence? Affection. If you show your child lots of love and affection, he will probably be MUCH MORE secure than if you didn't. Again, you need to educate yourself about this because you have some very backwards thinking.
"Also.. so much of this has to do with the stepchild trying to assert her role of importance. She feels her relationship is threatened - which is fine and natural for her to feel. But I have an issue when her insecurities are entertained. Frankly all it does is feed the insecurity issue and make for a more insecure adult down the road. Always seeking attention. "
I don't think it has ONE thing to do about feeling threatened, at least not on her end. YOU are viewing her need for affection as needy and attention seeking. Maybe it is to some extent, but at times when children are dealing with lots of big changes (divorce, new step-mom AND a new sibling), they DO need extra reassurance. Again, please read about child development and their emotional needs. The very worst thing an adult could do to a child who is feeling scared and insecure due to the SITUATIONS in her life caused by the adults is give her less affection. Being "tough" with her isn't going to make her a stronger person. It will just make her a cold person, with lots of insecurities, with all due respect, kind of like how you are coming off.
"ALways having to have a high five for the least lil thing they do. Wow she brushed her teeth... do we really need a parade to celebrate this achievement? "
You sound SO bitter. Children need praise, yes they do. Personally, from everything you've said, it sounds like your husband is an EXCELLENT dad who is doing everything right. You'd be smart to observe and learn from him, especially when it comes to raising your own child.
"I have decided in my own case to distance myself from the father/daughter relationship. I have to wall it off. If she is with us... I go into my own self instead of trying to fit into their lil love world where I am clearly not welcome. I wall it off also just to get by. "
This is going to strain your relationships with everyone in that house. You better believe that your young step-daughter is taking ALL of your behavior and putting it all on herself, blaming herself, because that's what kids do. You also are putting your husband in an awful position. You're going to cause a whole lot of resentment.
I'm sorry, but all of these issues that you've put on your step-daughter are YOUR issues. You ARE making this a big competition and you are judging the level of affection your husband has with his daughter, based on your own feelings on the matter. I also cannot stress enough how important it is for you to learn about children. I would strongly recommend some parenting classes. You are going to raise these kids in a cold home, and you are going to accomplish the exact opposite than you think you will...those kids will be insecure and fearful, not confident and strong.
Children need to be shown affection. SOME children need more than others, especially those who are trying to adjust to so many new things in their world.
Good luck!
I just recently married a man with a 7 year old daughter. We married after I became pregnant. Now I have a 6 mo old son. His daughter alternates weeks with us and her biomom/boyfriend. I grew up very conservative. Public displays of affection were not commonplace. I remember seeing my cousins as a child rolling around on their parents, kissing and hugging, and even at the age of 8 I thought it was disgusting and stomach turning. Fast forward to present day. My husband and daughter are very affectionate with one another. I feel the same this day as I did as a child looking at adults holding their half grown children like they are lil babies and coddling them. I am not jealous for my husbands affections. I do not yearn to be snuggled. I do not need affection and smooches to feel fullfilled as an adult. I do not need affection and cuddling either the same way my stepchild is held. But when I see my husband and daughter rolling around together, holding hands and gazing at one another, what I feel is actually even more distant. I want nothing to do with the behavior that is practiced with his daughter. It somehow puts me and his daughter on the same level? Truly an icky feeling. My husband asks why I am so distant and I can't tell him frankly it is a huge turnoff to see you do with your daughter what you want to do with me. I think step moms need a lil consideration here in these situations. It is at least unsettling to be put in the same category as a stepchild when it comes to affection . I do not think children require no affection ofcourse but let me say this.. I, for a fact, won't be holding my son and smooching him when he is 7 years old for dang sure. Heck I'd be afraid he would get his a^^ kicked if another boy caught sight of that! And I want his confidence to be in himself. Not in the constant embrace of a parent. Also.. so much of this has to do with the stepchild trying to assert her role of importance. She feels her relationship is threatened - which is fine and natural for her to feel. But I have an issue when her insecurities are entertained. Frankly all it does is feed the insecurity issue and make for a more insecure adult down the road. Always seeking attention. ALways having to have a high five for the least lil thing they do. Wow she brushed her teeth... do we really need a parade to celebrate this achievement? I have decided in my own case to distance myself from the father/daughter relationship. I have to wall it off. If she is with us... I go into my own self instead of trying to fit into their lil love world where I am clearly not welcome. I wall it off also just to get by. I can't sit there and just constantly ooo and ahh over their love. I think there is something to be said for when stepmoms have to bear this. It is disturbing and hurtful on so many levels, when we do our dang best to make for a happy and hospitable home for a stepchild that will never regard us as anything other than a babysitter. Ofcourse we can't speak of it because we are considered 'bad, unaffectionate' parents.
Hi, I myself am sort of the same situation with my boyfriend and his 6 yr old daughter. I don't think it's right when he is sitting on the couch watching tv and she sitting ON him just moving around while her but is on his crotch. It kind of weirds me out when I see that cause she will be all over him and caressing his arm and head then kiss him on his lips and tells him his handsome and that she loves him, she does that like 4 times throughout the whole movie. I think she is very curious, he has her twice a week for a couple of hours and every other weekend starting Thursday so he does get to see her alot. When he gets in the shower he closes the bedroom door and me and his daughter be at the living room and I see her going into the room and I go in there too just to see what she is doing and I see that he just open the shower curtain and I pull her away and tell her she has to turn around. She starts laughing like its funny saying why cause he's naky and I tell her yes while she's trying to get away from me so she can see him, then when he comes out with the towel wrapped around his waist she looks at him and tells him that he's handsome and hugs him around his waist and tells him she lives him. The way she looks at him like if she wants to see him and it does bug me cause I think that is very inappropriate for her to do that. So I say to you yes I think you should keep an eye on her because kids now a days get very curious at an early age. He always has to put her in the shower and one time she went to the restroom to pee and I heard her call him telling him if he can wipe her. Then I told him isn't she old enough to wipe herself and as he got up he went to her and I heard him tell her that she can do it herself and heard her say ok and that she heard me say that. We do get along and I do play with her but I think she is spoiled and very loud always yelling and screaming and most of the time she gets annoying and also my boyfriend gets annoyed as well and tells her to knock it off. She has told h once laughing and said she had a new word and just blurred out vagina and that surprised him and told her where was she getting that from and for her to stop saying that cause it wasn't a nice word to be saying. Now the way she acts I think that has something to do with her mom and boyfriend maybe she sees them getting affectionate in front of her and her feeling left out so she tries to get attention from her dad and even in an inappropriate way. Good luck to you and I hope that your husband puts a stop to it cause there are lines that you don't cross with father/daughter relationship and they should see that. I think if they don't stop the inappropriate affectionate their daughters will grow up being very sexual. I know cause I had a niece that be a over her dad and also my brothers which they got weirded out and I think it was just her she was very curious I wouldn't want her to even play with my daughter. Well anyway my niece loved mens attention and she grew up and got pregnant at 16. Yes be careful and he should realize that kind of affection towards a father/daughter is not right at all. Its hard to tell him but I think it's getting to the point that I have to sit down and talk to him about it.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Myown, I do think there is truth in your words in a lot of cases. Thanks for your post.
My post was not directed at you. It seems they removed the womans post who thinks all men are child molesters... So my post doesn't fit now...
Moderators -You can remove my post being it doesn't fit. I won't be insulted. Though of course if you remove it all the men will miss out on my good advice.:)
Moderators -You can remove my post being it doesn't fit. I won't be insulted. Though of course if you remove it all the men will miss out on my good advice.:)
Are you kidding me? Did you read her post? This is exactly the reason men should be careful if they have underage kids and bring a woman into their life after they divorce. I'm glad I don't have young kids because if I died I'd warn my Husband to forget about dating anyone unless he goes to Law School first.
Thanks and it's fine. In all honesty, when any of us give advice to anyone here, it is difficult because no matter what, we are only getting a small part of any given problem. We don't know the whole story or actually see what they see or even have input from the other party. So we just do the best we can. I do appreciate your comments to me and you apologizing. It means a lot. I will respond to your PM a little later. I will probably go into more detail there, but have limited internet access right now, as we are staying with friends and my baby will be here the day after tomorrow.
To the OP: I really think you just need to have a sit down with your husband and tell him that you love him very much and really want a future with him. Explain to him that you both have children, but that the only way to really make this marriage work, is to focus on your own relationship sometimes. That would be the only way for any marriage to work, whether kids are involved or not. I look at marriage like a car or plant or whatever. It has to be maintained and I think a lot of people really fail to understand that when they get married. They just assume the "inlove" and "rosey" phase just stays and stays automatically but that just isn't true. If you don't do tune ups and oil changes for your car, it won't last as long. It has to be maintained and given proper attention. If you have a plant and it doesn't get enough sunlight or food, etc., it will die. It has to be propertly maintained. Marriage is no different. You do need the occasional date night. Try to make it regular, whether once a week or biweekly...just something that will give you both something to look forward to and a way to connect on a regular basis. Now thinking that the daughter will never be allowed in your bedroom, isn't very realistic to me, but obviously you need to connect there too, if you know what I mean. My kids come in my room all the time, but they do have to respect that it is space for their father and myself and they are not SUPPOSED to bring toys, etc. in our room, but that's a work in progress. Afterall, they do have most of the rest of the house for them.
I agree w/ specialmom in that you should invite friends over to your house for your step daughter. In this day and age, it is not uncommon for parents to be a bit sqeemish in letting their friends go to other's houses. I am much the same way. I prefer they come to mine simply so I know what they are doing and have some control over what they do, watch, etc. Def important to me once my kids become teenagers.
I wish you the best of luck.
To the OP: I really think you just need to have a sit down with your husband and tell him that you love him very much and really want a future with him. Explain to him that you both have children, but that the only way to really make this marriage work, is to focus on your own relationship sometimes. That would be the only way for any marriage to work, whether kids are involved or not. I look at marriage like a car or plant or whatever. It has to be maintained and I think a lot of people really fail to understand that when they get married. They just assume the "inlove" and "rosey" phase just stays and stays automatically but that just isn't true. If you don't do tune ups and oil changes for your car, it won't last as long. It has to be maintained and given proper attention. If you have a plant and it doesn't get enough sunlight or food, etc., it will die. It has to be propertly maintained. Marriage is no different. You do need the occasional date night. Try to make it regular, whether once a week or biweekly...just something that will give you both something to look forward to and a way to connect on a regular basis. Now thinking that the daughter will never be allowed in your bedroom, isn't very realistic to me, but obviously you need to connect there too, if you know what I mean. My kids come in my room all the time, but they do have to respect that it is space for their father and myself and they are not SUPPOSED to bring toys, etc. in our room, but that's a work in progress. Afterall, they do have most of the rest of the house for them.
I agree w/ specialmom in that you should invite friends over to your house for your step daughter. In this day and age, it is not uncommon for parents to be a bit sqeemish in letting their friends go to other's houses. I am much the same way. I prefer they come to mine simply so I know what they are doing and have some control over what they do, watch, etc. Def important to me once my kids become teenagers.
I wish you the best of luck.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Honey, why do you think he is avoiding time with you?
I do hear you about not letting her do things and he seems very protective (over) of her and may even be hindering her ability to be social which is so important for kids---- start by inviting her friends over to your house so he can see how much fun she has. I know that is a big old pain but most parents who love their kids like to see them having fun. As he sees her as this social person with her friends . . . he may ease up a bit and allow her go go more. Did he have some kind of tragedy in his life? Anyone die unexpectedly? I ask that as he seems very worried about her outside of his presense. I have one sone with a developmental delay and for a long time, I was a little this way. I did have sitters but kind of had to force myself because I was worried. It was hard to let him go to other's homes because I worried. I was being overprotective and got myself over that (thank goodness)---- and it sounds like your husband needs to too. Start by having the friends over and let him see her interacting. This may show him too that she is growing up into a young, INDEPENDENT OF HIM lady.
But I am still struck by the lack of closeness by you and your husband. This is concerning. My kids are 6 and 7, even if we don't have a sitter----- we plan dates. I put the kids to bed and then we have our "date" at home where we sit outside in the moonlight on the patio together talking, watch a movie, have a late dinner, have a glass of wine by candle light, etc. Maybe try doing this and see how he reacts. I'm just wondering if he is avoiding being with you on a 'date' for a reason. He'd have no excuse for being distant from you if you did this at home. I would try it two weekends in a row and see what kind of response you get. If he refuses to put his daughter to bed or spend time with you in this way---- then I think he is having some kind of problem within the relationship that you and he need to figure out to work through.
So, you are both raising his daughter, correct? He seems to act as if he is doing it alone and you are just in the house. Maybe also go from the angle of telling him you want to be more of a mother with her and take her to do some girl things. This should make him happy (again, loving parents like to see their kids happy) and it makes you more of a family unit to him rather than you verses them. Maybe he'd move off of his island and back to you.
Ugh----- I don't know if I am making sense or saying this correctly, but am trying to brainstorm for how to improve this situation. good luck
I do hear you about not letting her do things and he seems very protective (over) of her and may even be hindering her ability to be social which is so important for kids---- start by inviting her friends over to your house so he can see how much fun she has. I know that is a big old pain but most parents who love their kids like to see them having fun. As he sees her as this social person with her friends . . . he may ease up a bit and allow her go go more. Did he have some kind of tragedy in his life? Anyone die unexpectedly? I ask that as he seems very worried about her outside of his presense. I have one sone with a developmental delay and for a long time, I was a little this way. I did have sitters but kind of had to force myself because I was worried. It was hard to let him go to other's homes because I worried. I was being overprotective and got myself over that (thank goodness)---- and it sounds like your husband needs to too. Start by having the friends over and let him see her interacting. This may show him too that she is growing up into a young, INDEPENDENT OF HIM lady.
But I am still struck by the lack of closeness by you and your husband. This is concerning. My kids are 6 and 7, even if we don't have a sitter----- we plan dates. I put the kids to bed and then we have our "date" at home where we sit outside in the moonlight on the patio together talking, watch a movie, have a late dinner, have a glass of wine by candle light, etc. Maybe try doing this and see how he reacts. I'm just wondering if he is avoiding being with you on a 'date' for a reason. He'd have no excuse for being distant from you if you did this at home. I would try it two weekends in a row and see what kind of response you get. If he refuses to put his daughter to bed or spend time with you in this way---- then I think he is having some kind of problem within the relationship that you and he need to figure out to work through.
So, you are both raising his daughter, correct? He seems to act as if he is doing it alone and you are just in the house. Maybe also go from the angle of telling him you want to be more of a mother with her and take her to do some girl things. This should make him happy (again, loving parents like to see their kids happy) and it makes you more of a family unit to him rather than you verses them. Maybe he'd move off of his island and back to you.
Ugh----- I don't know if I am making sense or saying this correctly, but am trying to brainstorm for how to improve this situation. good luck
Well example had a chance for a sitter so we could have some special time I figure a date night than tomorrow family day with kids he said he didn't want her to go any where mine gone dads weekend she wants to go spend play time with her little friend its just her home and she is bored her words. I don't know he says he loves me buti need us time just once in a while he never lets her really go or do anything up til about 6months ago the child never spent the night with a friend and always got up set if he told her no even slumber parties what do I Do?
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think you may have misunderstood me or probably more likely, I didn't express my thoughts well. Part of putting your kids first is making a good union when remarrying. It sounds like you have done that. Finding a good step parent for a child is hard---- and I'm sure that was part of the criteria you had in a mate and one of the things you really liked about your husband. You WERE putting your child first when you chose him because you picked a solid, family man to live with him. If everyone did that---------- this would be fantastic and families would mesh more often having the usual ups and downs that a family has. Maybe putting it that way would have been better than the way I did. I still think there are some that make poor choices in the person they bring into their child's life and that makes me sad for the kids. That statement has nothing to do with you or the poster.
I guess I come across in a way that I don't intend. I worry about kids. I think of my own if they lived with their dad and not me and things that are normal in our house then become something the spouse of their dad is upset at them for. I've met many adults through my line of work that had situations like this when growing up and it leaves a mark.
So, when I read a post that has some things that are mostly innocent but upsetting the poster----- she says specifically that she doesn't feel he is sexual with the daughter----- then what is one left with to help her? 9 times out of 10, a bio parent that has great love and affection for their child will resent being told they shouldn't. Maybe she can convince him but that is an uphill battle. If she focuses on what she can influence, such as her closeness to him and their interaction--------- she could maybe have a happier marriage. But they aren't meshing their differences well at this point (IE: her perception of the sancuary of the bedroom having mostly or only to do with them and his idea of it being a place to proudly display his favorite pictures and hang out with his daughter at times) and working on that would help them be a stronger couple. That would involve better communication. They sound a bit like they each have their own ideas and haven't harmonized them yet. Working on this would make things better. This she can control. I felt like in this particular post, reacting to his relationship with his daughter was because she felt he loved her more. I don't know. But ... I was trying to help.
Anyway, I do apologize for coming on as strongly as I did and hopefully didn't offend anyone including you, Michele Katy (although I think I did.) Sorry for that and I'll think about this post and my words carefully. I do wish the poster success in her marriage and dealing with issues in it.
I guess I come across in a way that I don't intend. I worry about kids. I think of my own if they lived with their dad and not me and things that are normal in our house then become something the spouse of their dad is upset at them for. I've met many adults through my line of work that had situations like this when growing up and it leaves a mark.
So, when I read a post that has some things that are mostly innocent but upsetting the poster----- she says specifically that she doesn't feel he is sexual with the daughter----- then what is one left with to help her? 9 times out of 10, a bio parent that has great love and affection for their child will resent being told they shouldn't. Maybe she can convince him but that is an uphill battle. If she focuses on what she can influence, such as her closeness to him and their interaction--------- she could maybe have a happier marriage. But they aren't meshing their differences well at this point (IE: her perception of the sancuary of the bedroom having mostly or only to do with them and his idea of it being a place to proudly display his favorite pictures and hang out with his daughter at times) and working on that would help them be a stronger couple. That would involve better communication. They sound a bit like they each have their own ideas and haven't harmonized them yet. Working on this would make things better. This she can control. I felt like in this particular post, reacting to his relationship with his daughter was because she felt he loved her more. I don't know. But ... I was trying to help.
Anyway, I do apologize for coming on as strongly as I did and hopefully didn't offend anyone including you, Michele Katy (although I think I did.) Sorry for that and I'll think about this post and my words carefully. I do wish the poster success in her marriage and dealing with issues in it.
Hello,
WOW, you all just went nuts with this.
I think that the wisest thing here is that YOU, sought help in arranging these feelings that are by the way...all completely HUMAN!!
I have lived through the whole spectrum of life situations and stories that has been spoken of here, and I do know that not speaking to others about these things can just eat you alive....I am so glad that you ask for help.
Now, just try to figure out who is right....Some of this one and most of that one....with none of that other one. NOW just try to wrap your mind around it and stop the bad, while growing the good.
Where the mind goes, the man follows.
Btw, I know you hold no ill feelings toward this little girl and, You do have the power to grab hold of your mind and see it for what it is. None of us know, only he and she know how far or close things are, and GOD also.
I love my children, grown girls, hugs all around and sometimes kisses and the same with my 10 grandbabies....LET me clarify "kisses"..........PECK on lips or cheek.
At this stage...TIME does matter, peck or linger?
I see how many different opinions you have recieved, and more to come, so as you read them, I PRAY that the answers you need will be found soon and I hope you peace and love during this time of growth for your whole family.
Have a wonderful Blessed Day!!! GOD BLESS!!! loimmarmar
WOW, you all just went nuts with this.
I think that the wisest thing here is that YOU, sought help in arranging these feelings that are by the way...all completely HUMAN!!
I have lived through the whole spectrum of life situations and stories that has been spoken of here, and I do know that not speaking to others about these things can just eat you alive....I am so glad that you ask for help.
Now, just try to figure out who is right....Some of this one and most of that one....with none of that other one. NOW just try to wrap your mind around it and stop the bad, while growing the good.
Where the mind goes, the man follows.
Btw, I know you hold no ill feelings toward this little girl and, You do have the power to grab hold of your mind and see it for what it is. None of us know, only he and she know how far or close things are, and GOD also.
I love my children, grown girls, hugs all around and sometimes kisses and the same with my 10 grandbabies....LET me clarify "kisses"..........PECK on lips or cheek.
At this stage...TIME does matter, peck or linger?
I see how many different opinions you have recieved, and more to come, so as you read them, I PRAY that the answers you need will be found soon and I hope you peace and love during this time of growth for your whole family.
Have a wonderful Blessed Day!!! GOD BLESS!!! loimmarmar
thank you you kinda hit it there I am a loving parent to all my children including my step daughter I have been raising her the other mom not in the pic i have been mom I haven't tried to replace her but if I am doing this I want the respect I deserve I do not keep bringing up how I feel in fact I don't try and say anything! I really do love him and her very much just to me there should be a boundary some where for a husband and wife and again a child it should be different I put my children first to but somethings should up hold when it comes to man and wife above children do what if it was a 7 almost eight year old boy would it be different because it being a man and boy? just wondering i know I am not the only person out there who feels this way thanks again for your in put
Well, I totally stand by what I said. And specialmom, I can tell this is a button for you because your tone totally changes when one of these posts come up. We don't normally agree but that's fine and both our right to our opinions. I have strong opinions about it as well, so I feel compelled to answer these, even if it makes me unpopular.
I quit my job and homeschool my children. I did this for them. I have literally made it my life's work to be there for my children and sacrifice A LOT for them. I almost sacrfice myself completely for them. But do I think I should not have married my husband in the interest of my son?? No way!!! I don't think I should have had to be alone during my son's years at home just because my first marriage didn't work out. He was MUCH worse than anyone else could have been and my son was a big reason why I got a divorce in the first place. I wanted what was best for him. And had I not have gotten remarried, I probably would have ended up with that one child and not had anymore. I don't regret the other 6 children I have in the least.
So yes, if you don't think you spouse's feelings should count when you have children...DON'T GET REMARRIED UNTIL THEY ARE GONE!!!! But I just don't agree and wouldn't have my wonderful family and children if I did agree with that so I take acception to that a bit.
Good luck to the OP!
I quit my job and homeschool my children. I did this for them. I have literally made it my life's work to be there for my children and sacrifice A LOT for them. I almost sacrfice myself completely for them. But do I think I should not have married my husband in the interest of my son?? No way!!! I don't think I should have had to be alone during my son's years at home just because my first marriage didn't work out. He was MUCH worse than anyone else could have been and my son was a big reason why I got a divorce in the first place. I wanted what was best for him. And had I not have gotten remarried, I probably would have ended up with that one child and not had anymore. I don't regret the other 6 children I have in the least.
So yes, if you don't think you spouse's feelings should count when you have children...DON'T GET REMARRIED UNTIL THEY ARE GONE!!!! But I just don't agree and wouldn't have my wonderful family and children if I did agree with that so I take acception to that a bit.
Good luck to the OP!
COMMUNITY LEADER
This won't be popular but it is often in the best interest of kids to do exactly what you say in vain Michele Katy---- wait to remarry until the children are out of the home. I'm glad it worked out for you but this is one of my hot buttons. So often a negative situation is created by this new union for the kids. Kids should be the number one priority during the years they are at home with you (until 18). This does not mean that your spouse isn't important or a priority also--------- providing a stable, happy, nonvolatile home is part of making kids a priority and getting along with your spouse is part of that. I do love my husband dearly. Partly . . . because we share kids that we adore. If he didn't adore our kids .. . he'd be a heck of lot less attractive to me.
I do not believe that sexual abuse of any sort torward a child is acceptable. Obviously. Affection---- well, gosh. I have a hard time thinking that we can be too affectionate to a 7 year old. (not 17 . . . 7!).
I think that Michele Katy did give excellent advice in her last paragraph. My fear is that regardless of the child here, this marriage seems in trouble. I hope they are able to resolve it for all involved.
And of course, we all come here with our own unique perspective and opinions and no person is ever right or wrong with how they feel. I think differences of opinion and advice give a wide range of things to think about and that is how someone comes to the best answer for them.
I do not believe that sexual abuse of any sort torward a child is acceptable. Obviously. Affection---- well, gosh. I have a hard time thinking that we can be too affectionate to a 7 year old. (not 17 . . . 7!).
I think that Michele Katy did give excellent advice in her last paragraph. My fear is that regardless of the child here, this marriage seems in trouble. I hope they are able to resolve it for all involved.
And of course, we all come here with our own unique perspective and opinions and no person is ever right or wrong with how they feel. I think differences of opinion and advice give a wide range of things to think about and that is how someone comes to the best answer for them.
Well, I understand some of what you are saying because I was brought up pretty conservatively. My dad adored me but did not show me his love through a lot of physical affection. But I never doubted his love for me.
You are in a tough spot here. I think you have more than one issue here. I don't think this is JUST about you and your husband. I think some of it is but I think you also have some genuine uneasiness about certain affections your husband is giving his daughter; especially if this has just started recently and you didn't see this behaviour the entire time you all have been together. I don't know what the outcome will be for you all. If you do continually bring up his relationship w/ he and his daughter, specialmom may very well be right, and he may get fed up and leave. That could def happen. But I personally don't think that just because someone had children before they married you, does not mean that you should NEVER have a say or be heard when it comes to those kids. I don't think a step parent should try to replace a parent, but I do think as a spouse and co-provider to the home, you deserve to be heard.
I married my husband and I was a single mother w/ my son. On some level, my son always came first. But my son's biological father has never been in the picture and my current husband worked his tale off to help provide and support my son. In fact, I didn't work for a couple of years after we got married. I had OUR first child together and was home for over 2 years. I def felt he had the right to some say when it came to my son because he was essentially supporting him and my son was now living in OUR home and not just MY home. I made vows to my husband and tried to honor those whether I had a child already or not. To me, if the spouse's feelings don't matter, then there really is no point in getting married anyway IMO. I mean, may as well wait until your children are grown before getting remarried if the spouse's feelings aren't important.
As far as the affection goes.....I do think the spooning thing is def a bit much; especially with only underwear on and I don't think that overstepping your authority as far as discipline goes, is right either. He will only be teaching her not to respect you as her step mother and as the other adult in the house. Turning the tables here, but that wouldn't fly for me. I have 1 boy, 5 girls and 1 boy on the way...he'll be here next week actually. I kiss them on the lips but only when they are really little....like 2 years old. By the time they are like 3, it just switches to the cheek for me. I adore my kids and there is no rule book saying that I have to stop at that age but it just changes for me. I still hug them and kiss them...just on the cheek. My kids know I love them and that is just what is comfortable for me. I have seen grown kids kiss their parents on the lips but NOT ME. No way. No how. I can't image kissing my parents on the lips, but that is just me. I don't begrudge anyone else that does. I just wasn't raised that way and it is not comfortable for me. But we are all raised so differently.
I wish you luck. Being a step parent cannot be easy because of situations just like this. I almost married a guy once that had a little boy, while me having mine. That just wasn't going to work and we both knew it so we called it off. But I hope you all can work this out amicably and that it will be a solution that you can all live with. Just watch the jealousy thing. Really be careful with that. Really analyze your feelings, what they truly are, and where they are truly coming from. Try not to mix emotions or problems together as that might get you into some trouble. Good luck!
You are in a tough spot here. I think you have more than one issue here. I don't think this is JUST about you and your husband. I think some of it is but I think you also have some genuine uneasiness about certain affections your husband is giving his daughter; especially if this has just started recently and you didn't see this behaviour the entire time you all have been together. I don't know what the outcome will be for you all. If you do continually bring up his relationship w/ he and his daughter, specialmom may very well be right, and he may get fed up and leave. That could def happen. But I personally don't think that just because someone had children before they married you, does not mean that you should NEVER have a say or be heard when it comes to those kids. I don't think a step parent should try to replace a parent, but I do think as a spouse and co-provider to the home, you deserve to be heard.
I married my husband and I was a single mother w/ my son. On some level, my son always came first. But my son's biological father has never been in the picture and my current husband worked his tale off to help provide and support my son. In fact, I didn't work for a couple of years after we got married. I had OUR first child together and was home for over 2 years. I def felt he had the right to some say when it came to my son because he was essentially supporting him and my son was now living in OUR home and not just MY home. I made vows to my husband and tried to honor those whether I had a child already or not. To me, if the spouse's feelings don't matter, then there really is no point in getting married anyway IMO. I mean, may as well wait until your children are grown before getting remarried if the spouse's feelings aren't important.
As far as the affection goes.....I do think the spooning thing is def a bit much; especially with only underwear on and I don't think that overstepping your authority as far as discipline goes, is right either. He will only be teaching her not to respect you as her step mother and as the other adult in the house. Turning the tables here, but that wouldn't fly for me. I have 1 boy, 5 girls and 1 boy on the way...he'll be here next week actually. I kiss them on the lips but only when they are really little....like 2 years old. By the time they are like 3, it just switches to the cheek for me. I adore my kids and there is no rule book saying that I have to stop at that age but it just changes for me. I still hug them and kiss them...just on the cheek. My kids know I love them and that is just what is comfortable for me. I have seen grown kids kiss their parents on the lips but NOT ME. No way. No how. I can't image kissing my parents on the lips, but that is just me. I don't begrudge anyone else that does. I just wasn't raised that way and it is not comfortable for me. But we are all raised so differently.
I wish you luck. Being a step parent cannot be easy because of situations just like this. I almost married a guy once that had a little boy, while me having mine. That just wasn't going to work and we both knew it so we called it off. But I hope you all can work this out amicably and that it will be a solution that you can all live with. Just watch the jealousy thing. Really be careful with that. Really analyze your feelings, what they truly are, and where they are truly coming from. Try not to mix emotions or problems together as that might get you into some trouble. Good luck!
COMMUNITY LEADER
I don't know. I've read your initial post several times now and your later one. Each time it strikes me the exact same way. I think you have some marital issues and she has nothing to do with it. Nothing you say is outlandish. So, your feelings are based on your gut instinct. But . . . your gut is hurt because your husband does not share affection with you or love you as completely as he does his daughter. You sense that and it bothers you. That is how this reads to me.
If you think he is molesting his child, that is different. If his open affection and love for her bothers you------------ that has something to do with you and not them. It is that simple to me.
She is seven years old. Maybe I relate so much to this because I have a 7 year old and a 6 year old. I, and I'll be honest, would not put up for a second with my husband telling me that I should be less affectionate with my kids and start to make them feel like they are too old to be affectionate with me. But . . . I am not insecure about my marriage.
I think you need to address the insecurity you have about your marriage and your husband's feelings for you and leave this issue alone.
That is just my opinion. I would not get distracted by 'this' issue and focus on something you can change. That is how you and he interact. That is your communication about yoru relationship. That is growing closer. If you continue to question him on his daughter---- he WILL get fed up. Again-------- if you feel he is sexually attracted to his daughter and may molest her, that is different. But you don't describe anything like that here.
Try talking to him about how you two can be a better couple. Ask him what he thinks the two of you can do and stay quiet. LISTEN. Do not even bring up his daughter. Just listen to where he sees the issues that keep you two less close. Then you have a REAL place to go to work on the marriage. good luck
If you think he is molesting his child, that is different. If his open affection and love for her bothers you------------ that has something to do with you and not them. It is that simple to me.
She is seven years old. Maybe I relate so much to this because I have a 7 year old and a 6 year old. I, and I'll be honest, would not put up for a second with my husband telling me that I should be less affectionate with my kids and start to make them feel like they are too old to be affectionate with me. But . . . I am not insecure about my marriage.
I think you need to address the insecurity you have about your marriage and your husband's feelings for you and leave this issue alone.
That is just my opinion. I would not get distracted by 'this' issue and focus on something you can change. That is how you and he interact. That is your communication about yoru relationship. That is growing closer. If you continue to question him on his daughter---- he WILL get fed up. Again-------- if you feel he is sexually attracted to his daughter and may molest her, that is different. But you don't describe anything like that here.
Try talking to him about how you two can be a better couple. Ask him what he thinks the two of you can do and stay quiet. LISTEN. Do not even bring up his daughter. Just listen to where he sees the issues that keep you two less close. Then you have a REAL place to go to work on the marriage. good luck
I appreciated the input I do not blame my stepdaughter at all I actually was very close to her for the first 3 years this is something that started about a year or so ago that is why it bothers me so the affection has changed I still give my daughter kisses on her lips and my step daughter too but a lil peck not keep sitting there waiting for more one after another its not gross to a point just when its the affection that you would give to a spouse I want you to understand when I say I maybe jealous its not to her I never act out towards her i have also asked about counselling but he said he is not going to pay someone to think he is crazy its a waste of money he says I tried to talk to him and I just don't say anything anymore I love him very much and her also my children think its weird too and I don't even say anything to them because I feel adult stuff shouldn't be their problems sometimes I think even she is not comfortable with it too because the way she acts idk just kinda lost I have been battling with this for a while finally got to where i wanted to open it up and see what the outside has to say. I have family and friends who seen it to and say isn't he a little over board i just don't know what to say maybe he thinks shes still a baby but she is a lil girl who is getting modest about dressing in front of people and hides its kinda cute but just has me worried thanks again
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
