After the second baby

[quad121]

I have been with my partner for approx. 7 years i'm 38 and she's 44. She has 4 other children with other partners. We have just had a second child 3 months ago since then she has not wanted sex and not really wanted to talk about it, with excuses.  She was given the 'pill' to try shortly after our second baby was born which she seems to be taking? but for why i don't know.
Our sex life was very good when we first met nearly everyday which slowly came down to a couple of times a week but now we have not had sex for two month.

Any advice in this matter would be most appreciated

Paul

[megochick101]

Are you sure she doesn't have postpartum depression? Is she interested in doing other things with you(non sexual) or does she just not want to do anything?

[quad121]

I've also noticed that she gets bad tempered for no reason and takes things you say the wrong way

[quad121]

Thankyou again everyone whose kindly gave me advise.  

I talk to her but she's not interested and doesn't want to see a doctor about her lack of sexual drive.
But as i said she still takes her 'pill' everyday?
When you mention about having sex she just changes the subject

[Judy246]

just wait...menopause is around the corner if not knocking on the door....run!

[cowgirlnerd]

Prime is most DEFINITELY a 40ish woman.....   =D

I went through that with my second child - it was hormone changes, being so freaking tired and the stupid visitors all of the time.  PLUS, I had extreme mania (BP) during pregnancy....

[Lucey12]

Its called marriage. lol
Just kidding, I woudl think it would happen less and less if that was the case, not a dead stop. She could be sore still but I thought that wouldnt last that long.
I thought "Prime" for a woman was 40ish. ....hmm.

[imanaddict]

Maybe she's afraid of getting pregnant again! OR she is 44 and perhaps she is out of her "Prime"

sometimes there isn't really a reason, these things just happen, and at any age.

good luck!

[heatherlynn22]

if it is her b/c perhaps a different form would help. i have the mirena iud and it hasn't affected my sex drive at all.

[Judy246]

I was on the pill for over 15 yr. It never affected my intimacy.

[jenstam]

The pill zaps my sex drive almost completely, but so does nursing (is she nursing?) and taking care of a newborn. I would suggest trying to be understanding and helping just as much. Not being a supportive partner, especially after a baby is born is a sex drive killer as well! Don't be upset with her but instead try being understanding. Give her a massage, help get the kids to bed, take her out to dinner, make her feel special. Maybe she needs a break and that will help her be in the mood. Good luck!

[megochick101]

She'll need to take the pill everyday or else it won't be as effective, so even if your not having sex she should still take it. As to the pill changing her sex drive, it's very possible. She may want to talk to her doc about it and see if she can try a different pill or maybe a different birth control all together. it's wonderful that your helping her out! Babies are a lot of work lol

As to the other children not helping her, they are old enough to have chores and if they don't you should try and give them some. If that doesn't work start making them earn rewards at home. For example, have them do dishes/laundry/clean rooms etc and if they do there chores only then can they go out with friends or watch tv or use computer or whatever it is they want to do.

Before high school, I had never had chores but at the start of high school my step dad gave me and my sis some. We of course didn't like it, but after awhile of not being able to do anything without first doing chores we got the point lol.. So try that, and if need be hide the tv/computer/ipods (whatever) first and tell them they need to earn them back by helping out at home, that way they really get the point lol

Hope this helps you out some:)

[quad121]

Thankyou all for your response.  Whenever i can help looking after the babies i do..
So can the pill actual reduce her wanted sex?  Does it have to be taken daily even if your not having sex?
The other two children of hers don't want to help her when i'm at work and just go round making a mess or fight.

Thankyou again

Regards,

Paul

[teko]

You say she is 44? Her hormones may be dropping. She may want to have her levels tested and may need added estrogen/progesterone. She is getting around the age of becoming pre-menopausal. Have you noticed any night sweats? or cold for that matter? Extra moody. Something to look into.

[Judy246]

To be honest, welcome to the world of being a parent, I think she is just exausted and too tired at the end of the day for lovemaking,

Taking care of children (caretaker),cooking, getting them ready (bathing, dressing), housekeeping, groceries, laundry, nurse, teacher, police officer (keeping the peace!), and woman (lover).  By the end of the day, she is exausted. There isn't enough money to pay a homemaker and if she works and does the above like most women do, she is simply exausted.

My question to you is, what can you do or offer to do to help relieve some of the above responsibilites and daily stresses that a housewife/mother experiences on a daily  base? She needs help or a break. Offer to help her (50/50 in relationship), or hire someone if you can to come clean the house for the day and have a family baby sit for a weekend and then you both can go away and share quite time and intimacy.

This is not simply going to go away, but there are options for both of you to take time off and enjoy your time. Good Luck!

[RockRose]

The pill can completely zap her libido.  If this is the first time she's been on the pill,  and there is a marked change in her sexual desire,  I'd consider that first.

[heatherlynn22]

even with the 2 kids and  new baby.....it's hard. she's probably tired. i know after i had my twins sex was the last thing on my mind. let her rest. don't pressure her about sex.

[quad121]

theres only two of the children which stay at the house  one is 14 and the other is 16 which is going to there fathers in august

[iam1butterfly]

With the responsibilities of caring for so many children, perhaps she's too physically drained to feel sexually motivated.