Aa
Is my job that bad?!
I bartend.. waitress .. at a sports bar. It's not a bad place at all and most of the customers that come in there I know very well and they are always very respectable towards me and I've come to be friends with alot of them.
Do men really have a problem with this???
I make great money .. on alot of occasions I walk out of there making as much as he would in a day.
My boyfriend has NEVER liked my job .. well when I met him I worked there ...
He makes comments about my job more often than not .. I usually just blow it off and tell him it's just easy money .. pays the bills.
Last week he came up to my work and when I had gotten off work we sat down and were having a few drinks, just talking ..
Then he starts venting about how I should go get a respectable job, that people probably look down on me because I'm a bartender .. and just going on and on making me feel very .. belittled.
Do men really have a problem with this???
I make great money .. on alot of occasions I walk out of there making as much as he would in a day.
My boyfriend has NEVER liked my job .. well when I met him I worked there ...
He makes comments about my job more often than not .. I usually just blow it off and tell him it's just easy money .. pays the bills.
Last week he came up to my work and when I had gotten off work we sat down and were having a few drinks, just talking ..
Then he starts venting about how I should go get a respectable job, that people probably look down on me because I'm a bartender .. and just going on and on making me feel very .. belittled.
Well that's your boyfriend's problem not yours. He's obviously insecure and he feels like if he can make you feel bad enough, you will quit and do what he wants you to do. Honestly you could be anything and still there will be men around and temptations at any job so he needs to come to grips with his issues. The only thing you do is allow him to make you feel bad about this. Once you stop letting him control your thoughts and emotions you will be a much happier person. If he doesn't like it, then let him find a girl that does something he feels is more "appropriate". I would tell him that instead of it pays the bills.
Your b/f is more into the reputation by job catagory and how you will be percieved by friends and family. Also, Throw in a dash of male ego, fears, jelousy and you have an insecurity b/f. I think he fears you might meet someone else and leave him and the possiblity of meeting new guys there is great and he is very aware of it.
Why don't you extend an invitation to him during a busy night, so he can see first hand what you really do. You are hustling and bussaling with work. Also, take that extra step to introduce him to your co- workers and other male and female friends and aquaintances and introduce him as your b/f. I'm sure when he personally see's that you are busy working and confident enought to introduce him the your co workers and male frienda customers, who knows, he might want to get a job there :)...and meet new friends. It's workable. Good Luck, Judy
Why don't you extend an invitation to him during a busy night, so he can see first hand what you really do. You are hustling and bussaling with work. Also, take that extra step to introduce him to your co- workers and other male and female friends and aquaintances and introduce him as your b/f. I'm sure when he personally see's that you are busy working and confident enought to introduce him the your co workers and male frienda customers, who knows, he might want to get a job there :)...and meet new friends. It's workable. Good Luck, Judy
I do realize it comes from jealousy .. .. and I've told him that even if I were to get a 9-5 job at an office ... Well if I wanted to be with someone else it doesnt matter what job I have ..
It's just so frustrating.
I could see if I was a stripper ya know? lol
It's just so frustrating.
I could see if I was a stripper ya know? lol
I completely agree with mami, he sounds insecure and is just taking that out on you. There is nothing wrong with being a waitress/bartender! and in fact you can make great money doing that, and if that's what you want to do and you like the job then your boyfriend should be supportive of it. If he wants a girl with a more "respectable" , and wth is he talking about anyways? there's nothing disrespectful with being a waitress!
Even if some guy does hit on you, so what? It's not like you are reciprocating at all, and he should trust you not to. This all boils down to him having security and trust issues and he needs to work on that, but there is nothing wrong with your job, you might of picked the wrong boyfriend(lol) but not job.
Even if some guy does hit on you, so what? It's not like you are reciprocating at all, and he should trust you not to. This all boils down to him having security and trust issues and he needs to work on that, but there is nothing wrong with your job, you might of picked the wrong boyfriend(lol) but not job.
Oh and Judy's suggestion was good, inviting him to work on a busy day so he can feel more secure that you are not trying to hook up with anyone and are working, wow working at work, what a concept lol, but that could help him realize he's being an idiot.
Thankyou Megochick :)
@ Judy .. Thankyou also. :)
I have introduced him to all of my coworkers. He does come up there on occasion and I always introduce him to whoever is around as my boyfriend.
@ Judy .. Thankyou also. :)
I have introduced him to all of my coworkers. He does come up there on occasion and I always introduce him to whoever is around as my boyfriend.
Does he know that office jobs are just as bad, maybe even worse where cheating is concerned. So many people cheat there just as much anywhere else. It's not about the job, it's about the person you are with. If the person you are with has morals and values, then they will have respect for the relationship. If he can't understand that then again, it's his issues.
My thoughts exactly Mami ....
And I do try to reassure him that I only want him .. I would never cheat on him.
I'm not sure if he really thinks so little of me (after going on 2 years with him) because of my job? Or if he is just that jealous.
I do think most of it is just jealously tho ...It just hurt my feelings when he was telling me that it wasnt respectful. It was like he was saying he doesnt respect me.
The reason I do believe it's jealously is because ....
a few weeks ago we went out with his brother, who owns his own business and his secretary is moving out of state soon. Well without even discussing it with me my boyfriend says to his brother ... "Have you already hired someone else?" His brother said yes ... and my boyfriend said "oh .. I was going to say you could hire her (meaning me) to come work for you, she needs to find a new job."
His brother just kindof looked and me and I shook my head ..
And I do try to reassure him that I only want him .. I would never cheat on him.
I'm not sure if he really thinks so little of me (after going on 2 years with him) because of my job? Or if he is just that jealous.
I do think most of it is just jealously tho ...It just hurt my feelings when he was telling me that it wasnt respectful. It was like he was saying he doesnt respect me.
The reason I do believe it's jealously is because ....
a few weeks ago we went out with his brother, who owns his own business and his secretary is moving out of state soon. Well without even discussing it with me my boyfriend says to his brother ... "Have you already hired someone else?" His brother said yes ... and my boyfriend said "oh .. I was going to say you could hire her (meaning me) to come work for you, she needs to find a new job."
His brother just kindof looked and me and I shook my head ..
Your b/f also has to respect you tell him that you would appreciate if he would make any comments to other people in regards to employment for you. That is something personal that you are able to handle on your own and on your own time if you wish, but if you are happy and enjoy the job, he will just have to get over it. We will support you here.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, the ladies here have done a good job. Men try to control often through insecurity. That usually gets worse as time goes on . . . so this may not be the best situation long term. I personally respect any lady taking care of her business and working hard to make her money. So, good for you. Don't let anyone rain on your parade!
i was a bartender for about 5 years. (i started at 18 before they changed the laws in my state) and like you i made REALLY good money (some of my regulars would throw down a $50 or $100 on a $20 tab...) and a nightclub after that (i'm a social butterfly and the nightclub was more my scene at the time). when i met my dh i was bartending at a nightclub (i ended up quiting there because of the new "uniform" they wanted us to wear...it was basically a rhinestone bra and rhinestone spankies....that's where i drew my limit...skirt and tank sure that's fine...wearing undies...nuh uh) he was bothered by the fact i had guys hitting on me (whether you're a waitress or a bartender you're always going to have SOMEONE whether male or female hitting on you...no getting around it.) but he trusted me. he knew i'd never go home with one of them (and how bartenders ALL got the reputation of being ******, skanks and sleep around is beyond me. all the female bartenders i know are happily married and don't cheat...the men. that's an entirely different story most of them were single and good lord could they get phone numbers).
he needs to realize just b/c you don't have a 9-5 office job and wear a suit doesn't mean it's not a good job. or that you'll cheat. like someone else said i hear more about people in the office cheating. tell him that as long as you're making good money you're keeping the job. (i know how much fun bartending is. i LOVED it. the only reason i stopped was b/c dh and i got pregnant i decided i wanted to be a sahm. i do miss it though.)
he needs to realize just b/c you don't have a 9-5 office job and wear a suit doesn't mean it's not a good job. or that you'll cheat. like someone else said i hear more about people in the office cheating. tell him that as long as you're making good money you're keeping the job. (i know how much fun bartending is. i LOVED it. the only reason i stopped was b/c dh and i got pregnant i decided i wanted to be a sahm. i do miss it though.)
I am going to agree with everyone else, your boyfriend sounds extremely insecure. I'm not sure if it's just about the customers though, it may also be the money you make. If you make just as much as him, that may also be a part of the problem. Of course he'd probably NEVER admit to that though...LOL!
I personally don't care who the bartender is as long as they can properly pour a guinnes. I've never been a "pick up" artist and I treat all women at any job with the respect they deserve. There have been times I've felt like slugging some guy or accidentaly spilling my drink on the customer harrassing the women behind the bar,,in this day and age we should have outgrown that stuff.
Jim
Jim
You shouldnt have to invite him for him to know your not doing anything wrong. Although he should know he's always welcome to stop by. He's definately insecure, if your job doesnt suit him than that is HIS problem. Don't let him belittle you, you dont need a new job if your making good money, no one disrespects you there and its not like your stripping (nothing against that) but I mean atleast you have a job. He sounds like he's cocky &acts like he's better than everybody......but is really insecure. Dont let him make you believe that bull. There is nothing wrong with what you do.
Thankyou everyone for your opinions :)
I respect everyone who has a job and/or takes care of their responsiblities.
I guess he is just more judgemental than I am ..
I wasnt raised to look down on people .. and to treat anyone who crosses your path how you yourself would want to be treated.
Anyways .. Thanks again!
I respect everyone who has a job and/or takes care of their responsiblities.
I guess he is just more judgemental than I am ..
I wasnt raised to look down on people .. and to treat anyone who crosses your path how you yourself would want to be treated.
Anyways .. Thanks again!
I just want to chip in that I've noticed something about bartenders...part of the reason, IMO, that they're not as likely to cheat is for two reasons...one, most bartender friends that I have are very self-confident and content with themselves...and (also IMO) most people who cheat do so because they're insecure or unself-satisfied. the second reason is because, in my experience, bartenders have to be compassionate people...and if you're a compassionate person, how could you cheat knowing what it would do to your significant other??
of course most of my bartender friends (i have 5 total) fit on that end of the spectrum, but one of them is on the exact opposite end...she sleeps around, has no self esteem, gets toasted on the job...but the one thing about her is she never cheats. she will leave a relationship before she'll cheat.
idk but that's just something i've noticed over time... I think that this entire situation stems from his insecurity and not a single problem with your behavior.
of course most of my bartender friends (i have 5 total) fit on that end of the spectrum, but one of them is on the exact opposite end...she sleeps around, has no self esteem, gets toasted on the job...but the one thing about her is she never cheats. she will leave a relationship before she'll cheat.
idk but that's just something i've noticed over time... I think that this entire situation stems from his insecurity and not a single problem with your behavior.
I had to do some work experience for my college course last year. So I did 5 months placement in a center for troubled youths and LOVED it!!!! You know that people always judge a book by its cover, right, now many of these teenagers were as many would say "trouble makers". I never thought of it this way cause Im the type of person to accpet people for who they are! And these kids were just great. Respected me, did as I asked and we had a mutual respect for eachother.
So my bf at the time also belittled me and my work. Would say things like, all funding for that place should be taken away and put into something worth while!! He would say were all trouble makers and should be, get this "put in a room a shot" :-o... That really got under my skin and some days id be fit to wack him!!!
Its horrible not having his support and I know how you feel when he puts you down! Just think of what makes you happy, not him!!! Its your life at the end of it all!!!
I never let him put me off doing my job, casue I loved it and felt it was worth while! He was just a narrow minded a$$ who only thought of his own stinking needs!!!
Dont let your fella put you down, you are earning your own money and enjouying doing it too!! That is all that matters!!!!!
So my bf at the time also belittled me and my work. Would say things like, all funding for that place should be taken away and put into something worth while!! He would say were all trouble makers and should be, get this "put in a room a shot" :-o... That really got under my skin and some days id be fit to wack him!!!
Its horrible not having his support and I know how you feel when he puts you down! Just think of what makes you happy, not him!!! Its your life at the end of it all!!!
I never let him put me off doing my job, casue I loved it and felt it was worth while! He was just a narrow minded a$$ who only thought of his own stinking needs!!!
Dont let your fella put you down, you are earning your own money and enjouying doing it too!! That is all that matters!!!!!
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