Hey, first, please know that we care. Suicide is never the answer and I've made sure that the med help people knew about your post so they could send you some resources. There are people to call if you ever have any serious intention of acting on self harm and I highly encourage you to do so. Your safety is the number one thing I want to stress to you. We don't know you nor can we solve your issues with your friend but we want you to be safe. So, please reach out for help.
I don't know what the deal is with your friend. She wasn't being sensitive to your recent loss and pain you feel or feelings in general. Sometimes people are in their own bubble and not paying attention. It's okay once in a while but if it is a pattern, I always tell my kids to surround themselves with quality relationships. That doesn't mean that they won't occasionally screw up, we're all human. But if it is a pattern of not taking your feelings into consideration, then you raise your bar of what is acceptable from those you are close to and find other people that make you feel better more consistently. Does that make sense?
Teens can be quite unkind as they explore how to manage interpersonal relationships. That must be especially hurtful when a death is involved. Can you manage to spend less time on social media and more on healthful pastimes such as exercise? That might help with your suicidal thoughts. Does your community have a suicide help line? Best of luck!
This was an online conversation, or you were texting when people were together in person?
I am so sorry that your close friend passed away. What are you scared of and why do you want to end your life?