What should I do about my ex-girlfriend?

[JDW_2013]

Me and my girlfriend broke up about 2 weeks ago and it came as a shock to me, because everything was fine. We are 20 years of age at this moment. I met her about 4 years ago and I instantly fell in love with her. We got to know each other intimately and I started to notice that she was really hurt inside. I found out that her parents separated when she was younger and that she had trouble dealing with it. She was also in relationships where the guys ended up breaking her heart and hurting her. When I came into her life everything was really messed up. She couldn't commit to anything. One day she would tell me that she loved me and the next day she would be seeing some other guy. It was such a roller coaster ride for me. She kept pulling me closer and then pushing me away again. I told her that I would show her that there is a guy out there who wouldn't hurt her no matter what. Eventually after a year of emotional warfare she began to trust me and we decided to start a relationship together. Her longest relationship before our relationship was about 2-3 months. Our relationship lasted 3 years. During our relationship we have had a few fights about her going over to her ex's house. The reason I didn't want her to go to her ex is because she had lied to me so much about other guys during that "emotional warfare" year before we got together. She respected it and left them in her past. Our relationship was great to be honest - emotionally, romantically, sexually etc. We both had sex for the first time with each other in the first year of our relationship for about 2 months and just before our 1 year anniversary  I decided that we should put a stop too it, because, although I felt it was great, I felt that the risk of her getting pregnant was too great and I didn't want to mess up our lives. We were still sexually active- we just didn't have sex anymore. Anyway, we always supported each other in tough times and our grades even started to skyrocket. I ended up in the top 20 and she ended up in the top 10 in our grade (there was about 700 students in our grade). Both of us are now in university. Throughout our relationship she told me that I mean the world to her and that she would one day want to marry me. Even 3 weeks ago, one week before our breakup, she told me that she can't wait until we get married. Everything was fine. We did not have an argument or anything. She and her friends planned a road trip after the exams. The road trip was about 2 weeks long. I told her to have fun and that I will see her when she gets back. She told me that she couldn't wait to get back and that she couldn't wait for our vacation together (in June this year we scheduled a trip to Europe for the new year (2014) with her family).  Anyway, about a week into her road trip she started to text me really strangely and she sent me very short messages. I asked her what was wrong so she told me that she is confused and that we need to talk when she gets back. When she got back she told me that she really loves me, but she needs space and that she doesn't want to be in a relationship in this stage of her life - she wants to be single and she wants to see what else is out there. She says that she wants "the student life" and to go and have fun and meet other guys. She told me that she needs to get this feeling out of her system and that "taking a break" doesn't mean that we are definitely getting back together one day and that she doesn't know what is going to happen in the future, but she doesn't want to lose me. To me that is so funny, because she is doing exactly the opposite - she is going to lose me. Did her friends have something to do with this? Everything was fine before her road trip.  We texted after that, but nothing was the same, all her texts where short and emotionless. So I decided to use the "no contact" rule, because nothing I say can make things better, she is on a wave-length of her own. As much as I love her, as much as I care for her, I can't let her drag me around like this. The thing is that trip to Europe with her family is in 8 days and I have to go, because everything is already paid for (no refund). The trip is 3 weeks.... (her family likes me a lot and we have spent a lot of time together, her father even called me after the breakup to hear how I was doing and if I wanted to go drink coffee with him). What should I do when I'm with her for 3 weeks? I obviously still have feelings for her, but I don't want her to walk over me. I don't know what to make of this? To top this all off we live together in a flat at the university and next year's rent is already paid for and nor her family nor my family can do anything, the contract has been signed. Any advice?

[ROSYouralright]

I agree with CRS....
and L360 said it well.... Leave it alone while you still have your dignity...

[CRSeaside]

Hi.  Let things just fall into place naturally. If I were you, I'd check my expectations at the door.  This new infatuation is exciting & let her have it.
If you ever expect to hope to have a long term relationship,or even a marriage,it's better to let her have some freedoms now.
  There will always be one person on the relationship, more ready,or more mature. That's love.
     Try not to read into things. Be your own man for awhile. Throw yourself into this opportunity to see Europe. Get DVDs from the library, books,buy a journal.  There are beautiful exciting women in Europe. Take advantage & notice them. It can be innocent, but have your own freedom & have fun. Pamela

[JDW_2013]

Hi, Pamela, thanks for your response. You are right. I recently found out from one of her girlfriends that she and another guy was spending a lot of time together on the road trip. She also told me that they are contantly texting each other. I tried texting her to talk with her, but she seems different, she is cold and distant. We haven't made any contact in the last week. It doesn't seem to bother her at all. To be honest I don't want to be her friend, I want to be her lover. Do you think there is still a chance she will change her mind? Do you think that 18 days alone with her will make her want me again? It feels like she has forgotten what we have...

[CRSeaside]

Hi JWD,
     Do you want to know what I think happened?   Are you going to be a man about it, not confront her & just let it go?
      I think she met a guy on the road trip. It doesn't matter if nothing intimate happened. For a young girl, the attention of a boy/man is very intoxicating. The feeling can resonate for weeks. She may feel as if she's walking on a cloud.
     Go together to Europe. Be kind, considerate & a true gentleman. If I'm right, she'll get over this infatuation and fall back into your loving arms.
     Make certain to keep a certain dignified but pleasant distance. Pamela

[Life360_Dave]

If you can settle for just being friends with her then go for it as thats whats shes requesting of you.

[JDW_2013]

I can't just forget the trip, my family paid enough money to put me in university for 2 years for that trip. I'm not going to waste their hard earned money like that. I just don't know what to do on the trip, ignore her?

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, my advise is to just walk away while you still have some dignity. Forget the trip to Europe as will be miserable. Dont let money be the basis for any decisions.