Why Cant I Leave?

[Cindarellaa]

When do you know its time to leave your spouse? Ok..here is my situation, I have been with this man for 11 years married 8 of them and lived together all 11yrs! Now I am his 2nd wife and he is my first husband. I am a proud step-mother of 4 and a total of 3 baby mothers. (we really are average class intelligent people) Now we were inseperable for the first fw years, then came the lies, cheating, and betrayal. I am a very strong woman but I cant find it in my heart to live this man. I am misserable, no physical abuse...but when i lay next to him I feel nothing, I dont want to be with him, but i love him so much i cant find the courage to tell him i want a divorce. please help!

[bluegrey123]

hey cindarella..i feel bad for you..but i m aslo in similar situation not exact..i m married for just two years though togethet for 9 yrs...he says he loves me when i ask him but no affection and care..i know how it makes u feel...i dont have nay baby..i just had a miscarriage but he showed no sadness which makes me feel really bad..i also love him a lot ..i m trying hard to work our marriage..so u too try hard n save the marrriage becos ultimately its ur kids who will suffer....good luck n do update

[RockRose]

You don't love him,  you say yourself you feel nothing for him and don't want to be with him.

You're scared to leave and face the unfamiliar.  Nothing all that unusual about that.  

You're still young.  You need to make a decision - is it better to feel comfortable with the familiar and stay here for a long time,  maybe forever,  or is it better to admit this marriage is a mistake and venture out again into the unknown,  single lifestyle you haven't experienced since you were 20?

It's your choice,  it could go either way.

[specialmom]

I agree with the others.  It IS very hard to leave someone that you've invested so much time with.  But a loveless marriage with a man you can't trust is miserable.  Marriage counseling would at least give you a chance to fix the issues and it would also give you a chance to see if it is just able to be fixed.  Disrupting our lives by our own doing (as in instigating a seperation from your husband and leaving)  is very difficult.  You are not alone in that.  I think you have some more thinking to do before you decide for sure. And even if you leave, perhaps a therapist could help you out alone to sort through these feelings.  Good luck.

[mami1323]

Well when a man cheats, lies and betrays you it's mental abuse, so in a way you have been abused.  I don't blame you for now losing all types of feelings for him.  He hurt you over and over, it's normal to lose the love that you had.  My questions to you are, is this fixable?  Could you go to marriage counseling to work through your issues?  What are the reasons why you stay?  I think if you can't leave, there is still love there or maybe it's comfortability.  You have to decide if this marriage is worth saving.

[dawnangela]

If you love him so much maybe there is hope to fix things?

[Cindarellaa]

oh and I am 32 and he is 41yrs old