Would it be selfish? (Kind of a long rant...)

[KaitlinMarie]

Last night I went and hung out with my childs father for the first time in 3months. Everything was going fine. We were sitting on the couch when all the sudden he says "You should move in"...I was completely shocked. We have only known each other since last summer. And every time I brought up dating before I was pregnant he would say "No, dating is over rated" or "Im just having fun, I dont want tied down". So my first responce was no. Oh boy did that **** him off. And now hes talking about how he is gonna call an attorney and how hes gonna make life miserable for me. I never said he couldnt see her or anything. Up to this point, my mom has been there more then he has. So you can see where I have a right to say no. But at this point, I have bought everything,I have gone to all appointments alone, he critisizes every name I give.

Would it be selfish to just say eff it and name her without his imput? I mean Im doing everything else without him...

Im just frustrated i guess...thanks for letting me vent...

[Nighthawk61]

I don't know, it was probably a big thing for him to offer for you to move in with the baby, and yeah, he reacted badly, but in my opinion while some might consider it justifiable to add gasoline to fire, it solves nothing as far as what should be your single mindedness of creating a life for this baby which includes two parents.

You need unbiased, professional support from a Counselor. You need to sit down like two adults and discuss how you are going to best manage to co-parent this child. for the child's own good. This child did not wish to be born to a single mother, and dad.who don't know each other. You need to work it out in a professional arena, where getting mad and running out the door is not acceptable behavior for parents. He 's not better than you and you're not better than he. You are just two people that didn't plan a pregnancy and need to get on the same page, learn to have respect for each other, stop yourselves from acting immaturely, make a plan to attend every recital, and figure skating event that your daughter attends. You need to learn to have a united front on all things so that your child is not confused by your animosity towards each other. And you need to know that way down the road, that you're going to really be grateful to each other because you each contributed into making your beautiful baby girl. \

If you really want your baby to enjoy having a daddy around, wouldn't it be worth it.? Know , and understand, that both of you will flare up at each other naturally because you don't know each other, but it is in the best interests of the child to get to know each other so that you can stand together when you will need to   Having a therapist there prior to the baby being born, and helping you both to plan to be the best parents is what's needed here. You need to deal with each other gently. There's so much stress when two strangers make a baby. Learn to be understanding of the other person's feelings , is important, for your child's sake.

SOUND MINDS AND CALM HEADS MUST PREVAIL for the baby's sake. Please please, think about getting some biased professional help for you both. You both are unreasonable in a sense, you've chosen to have a baby with a stranger. There is no one more right than the other here. So just think about it. What if you did calm yourself, and find a counselor. How would you feel if he came to you and said, "we are both going to be super stressed about having a baby out of wedlock, so would you consider meeting with me with a therapist so we can get a game plan for raising this baby with respect and logic" Wouldn't you feel better if he cared that much for the baby?

Good luck to you. and please know that you can private message anyone here on Medhelp to help you get through the hard parts.

[lanestonsmommy]

I don't think it'd be selfish at all!name her what you wish!

[abbb01]

I luv how guys say one thing or do one nice thing and magically ur suppose to forgive everything thats been done or said and forget any problems. Have u talked to him about what role he will play in babies life? Let him know ur open to him being a dad but he has to prove himself and its not a singular effort and hes father of the yr. He needs to stick around consistently even if u guys are not dating if he seriously wants to be a good dad and have any say in ur babies life.

[firsttimer2014]

Do it he hasnt been there why should he get a say now

[noemi222s]

its not selfish at all ! if you have bought everything been with out his help through ur pregnancy he has no rights lol his a dummy just make sure u have prove that he hasnt helped u at all ! u can even get a docter note saying he never was with u at the appointment things like that just in case yall go to court

[KaitlinMarie]

I dont mind him being in her life, every little girl needs her daddy. Im just kinda flabbergasted at it all. Ive started writing up a custody agreement. Im gonna see if my attorney will have it drafted to a judge before the baby gets here

[nana_love]

personally if he did that I wouldnt take the risk I would name her she would have my last name etc. He wouldnt even be on the birth certificate. I would get my lawyer now and only talk to him about the baby.

[ericatoday]

If he hasn't been there name her whatever you want. You have every right and I don't believe its selfish

[calimommy00]

Nope it won't be selfish!  Do you boo.