Aa
affair
I have been in an affair with a co worker for two months now. I have been married for six years and have two children. The man I have been having an affair with is also married and has one child. We have been friends for 9 years. We work very closly together everyday. We have had sex three times and it is just sex. He has a cabin down the road from where I live and that is where we meet, mostly after work. It is always just been a bump and run if you know what I mean. He recently told me that he feels weird about the whole bump and run thing. He says we only talk for a couple of minutes before things get all heated up and only talk a couple minutes afterwords. He does not like that. He thinks we should cool it for a while and only have sex if we go out for drinks with co-workers or something to that affect. I was really enjoying him and he was enjoying me. I don't know why he has such a change of heart. Last week he could talk enough to me saying how he loves doing this and then this week he totally changed. It is an awful thing we did I know. I don't even feel any guilt with my husband and I know that makes me a bad person. It seem that I can't stop thinking about my co-worker. He doesn't want to end things he just wants to keep the door open just incase we want to do it again. I really don't like that situation. I don't know what to do. I am very confused. I can tell he is trying to keep his distance from me at work and it really hurts. I know I should back off as well but it is so hard because I work directly with him everyday. I don't know how to get him off my mind. I have a great marriage with my husband and I would never leave him nor would I ever tell him about the affair. I think I needed to feel wanted by another man. What should I do?
The poster never came back and I have a suspicion that it's fake just to see everyone get all riled up.
I'm with the both of Ya'll!! She doesn't have any remorse. She wanted to $lut it up instead of being a good wife and Mother. If she needed excitement she should've communicated with her Husband. She chose to have an affair with a co-worker instead of talking to her husband. Why feel sorry for someone like this. I have NO respect for ppl like her. I don't care if her feelings gets hurt.
I'm with you Mami 100%!!!! She had an affair without guilt, had children and there is another family also involved and you say it's because we don't know the whole story and never will? So, I'm assuming you personally know her? Married, unhappy and looking for ADVENTURE is a poor excuse to go out and detroy families and lives. Why the hell get married in the first place! She knew the consequences of this "adventure", but not guilt is what bothers most of the regulars in this forum.
Every relationship at one time or another loses that excitement and spark. The mature thing to do is to communicate this to your spouse, not go out and find a fling. She did not think of her family, nor did she think of this man's family. To not have remorse, means she does not acknowledge these "feelings" and it's completely selfish. She is wrong for what she did. You even said it yourself. I can not and will not say "oh poor baby, you are lacking something apparently and so therefore who cares about the people you hurt." If I were to do that or anyone were to do what she's done and feel no regret or guilt, I would get the same response. I'm not going to sugar coat anything so that her feelings don't get hurt.
Let me first say that I do not judge anyone so my thoughts and opinions are unbiased. I think that people saying your wrong is out of the question just because they don't know the entire story and never will. All I know is what you have told me and I look past the words into the feelings your having. What I see is a woman that is unhappy and is looking for adventure. I think your marriage has lost some spark or what attracted you both to eachother in the first place. This new man in your life represents what is lacking in your relationship with your husband. You need excitment and adventure and hiding this is that alone. I see that there is no feelings so it's not like you are lacking that in your marraige, your lacking the sex and spiciness! I think that the question you need to ask your self is, is it worth it? Is it worth the tears you ill see in your childrens eyes if there parents get a divorce? If you are unhappy you must leave for the sake of your sanity. The fact that this man is feeling guilt is huge. He knows the effect it will have on the people around him and in work relationships are never good. I think just keep your mind focused on work and your family and if things are lacking at home, do something to spice it up!
She said that her and her husband have a great marriage, that is where they are coming up with a happy marriage. And I agree that if it is so great, she wouldn't have this desire to cheat.
I do not agree with the part about not telling her husband. If she wants to fix things with her husband that is the first thing she needs to do. And, if he was to leave her or whatever, that is the consequence that she has to deal with because of what she did. Honestly, I feel sorry for her husband, especially if he thinks they do have a good marriage and she is doing this.
I agree that she needs counseling on her own. Mainly because she has a problem, especially if she feels no guilt about this. When she gets her own personal issues straightened out then if her husband is willing to work things out, couples counseling would work.
I do not agree with the part about not telling her husband. If she wants to fix things with her husband that is the first thing she needs to do. And, if he was to leave her or whatever, that is the consequence that she has to deal with because of what she did. Honestly, I feel sorry for her husband, especially if he thinks they do have a good marriage and she is doing this.
I agree that she needs counseling on her own. Mainly because she has a problem, especially if she feels no guilt about this. When she gets her own personal issues straightened out then if her husband is willing to work things out, couples counseling would work.
Where does it say she's happy with her marriage? If she was happy with it she wouldn't be having an affair.
well, im not married but i pray that i will be soon. keep your distance and never f@#k where u get the bucks. because when things are over its hard to even concentrate at work. be grateful and thank God for what u have, not everyone can have a good marriage, so stop it. we all make mistakes and aren't perfect. so ask for God's forgiveness and let him help u forget about this guy.
I do agree that her not telling her husband may be far better for him, especially since she doesn't feel anything wrong with what she did, that'll only hurt her husband more that she doesn't even feel bad about it at all.
But also as Judy said, she does NOT want to fix her relationship with her husband. In her own words "I have a great marriage with my husband", she does not see anything wrong with her marriage, ergo she does not need to fix it. Meaning if she thinks her marriage is "great" then for her there would be nothing to change about it! She is NEVER going to "fix" her marriage or herself because in her mind there is nothing wrong to fix so her situation will never be changed for the better.
So anyways she can't just fix things(even if she kept the affair a secret) because she sees nothing that needs changed in the relationship.
My best advice for her is to stop sleeping around, and failing that divorce her husband because there's no point continuing the relationship if she wants to have sex with other men and she doesn't think there's a problem with that.
But also as Judy said, she does NOT want to fix her relationship with her husband. In her own words "I have a great marriage with my husband", she does not see anything wrong with her marriage, ergo she does not need to fix it. Meaning if she thinks her marriage is "great" then for her there would be nothing to change about it! She is NEVER going to "fix" her marriage or herself because in her mind there is nothing wrong to fix so her situation will never be changed for the better.
So anyways she can't just fix things(even if she kept the affair a secret) because she sees nothing that needs changed in the relationship.
My best advice for her is to stop sleeping around, and failing that divorce her husband because there's no point continuing the relationship if she wants to have sex with other men and she doesn't think there's a problem with that.
Simply, because SHE does not want to "fix" thinks, she need the attention from other men. I'm done here!
I also wonder if she should tell her husband. If the affair is over and she wants to fix herself and her marriage, I don't know how telling her husband will help the situation. It is a double edged sword. If she tells him, he won't admire her for telling him, although he would see that perhaps she has a conscience but he will feel that pain for a long long time. It could hinder the progress of rebuilding the relationship. He will be broken and the relationship will be broken. If she doesn't tell him and he finds out some other way, it will be horrible and he will say you didn't feel bad enough to tell me yourself and he will question whether or not she was sorry because she had the affair or sorry because she got caught. But if she can fix her issues and work on making her husband happy without the affair coming to light then her husband will live with a wife who adores him and shows it and their family can continue to move forward positively. Although, it will be a secret there like an elephant in the room. It is a very hard situation, one which I would never want to be in. This is why you don't cheat.
how can she fix things if she doesn't tell him? and what if he finds out down the road from another office co worker or from the man himself? if she lies or keeps this a secret she's going to make it 10 x's worse down the road. and what if it were your wife having the affair? and she never told you but at an office function you found out from someone else or from the man she was having the affiar with? what would you do? would you be oh so forgiving?
I agree, couples counseling is useless for her, she needs to work on herself. I can't understand how someone can have an affair and not feel guilt. It sounds to me that she has a sex addiction problem. But I did listen to her and did give advice telling her to end the affair. She basically is less concerned with her husband and more concerned with how to get this other man to continue the affair. To me that's disgusting and makes me question her moral compass.
I do agree mostly with Judy and heatherlynn, except for one point. I think the marriage counseling would be completely worthless. She needs individual counseling.
Her husband is never going to trust her again and marriage counseling will not work. It will not work because she is NOT sorry, remorseful, or feel guilty in the slightest for her unfaithfulness. So even if they went to marriage counseling and fixed every other problem in the relationship, it still wouldn't work because her husband would have lost his trust in her and wouldn't even get closure on the situation because she doesn't even care that she had an affair. The ONLY thing she seems to care about is that her co worker ended the affair. And that is just despicable and her husband, hopefully, could never forgive someone who still wants the affair to last and who doesn't even think that the fact she wasn't loyal to her spouse is important.
And Serioussam, I'm sorry but her going to her husband is pointless since she can't get this other guy off her mind and is so worried about him ending the affair. She will not fix her marriage if she still wants to keep the affair going and that's what it sounds like to me. And nothing is going to get any better for her until she grows a heart and a conscience and feels remorseful for what she's done.
Her husband is never going to trust her again and marriage counseling will not work. It will not work because she is NOT sorry, remorseful, or feel guilty in the slightest for her unfaithfulness. So even if they went to marriage counseling and fixed every other problem in the relationship, it still wouldn't work because her husband would have lost his trust in her and wouldn't even get closure on the situation because she doesn't even care that she had an affair. The ONLY thing she seems to care about is that her co worker ended the affair. And that is just despicable and her husband, hopefully, could never forgive someone who still wants the affair to last and who doesn't even think that the fact she wasn't loyal to her spouse is important.
And Serioussam, I'm sorry but her going to her husband is pointless since she can't get this other guy off her mind and is so worried about him ending the affair. She will not fix her marriage if she still wants to keep the affair going and that's what it sounds like to me. And nothing is going to get any better for her until she grows a heart and a conscience and feels remorseful for what she's done.
i have to agree 100% with judy.
if she is so happy in her marriage why is she stepping out on her husband? if she feels the need to seek sex elsewhere....that is NOT a happy marriage. she is being extremely selfish. putting herself before her family...no that's not how things work. family should always come first.
i do agree with the counseling. she needs to see a psychiatrist and THEY need to seek marital counseling. maybe even family therapy now since i'm sure if the kids are old enough they're going to know something is up and if they do find out what it is....well it's nothing that 10-20 years of therapy won't help.
she has destroyed the trust her husband can have in her now. how can he expect her to be faithful or not go crazy wondering which co worker she'll sleep with next.
if she is so happy in her marriage why is she stepping out on her husband? if she feels the need to seek sex elsewhere....that is NOT a happy marriage. she is being extremely selfish. putting herself before her family...no that's not how things work. family should always come first.
i do agree with the counseling. she needs to see a psychiatrist and THEY need to seek marital counseling. maybe even family therapy now since i'm sure if the kids are old enough they're going to know something is up and if they do find out what it is....well it's nothing that 10-20 years of therapy won't help.
she has destroyed the trust her husband can have in her now. how can he expect her to be faithful or not go crazy wondering which co worker she'll sleep with next.
1) If she were happy with her married and respected her family and children she would not be in this mess.
2) It's about being selfish and thinking of only herself and her needs, not even
putting her children first.
3) If she doesn't feel desired, why not communicate with her husband on her needs
instead of not only disrespecting her family, but there is also her co workers
family, that they both did not think about....selfish.
4) She need counseling from either a professional marriage counselor, priest or whatever
religious denominations she is in, if her husband is stupid enough to forgive her.
5) She has destroyed any affection expected from her husband when she had this
affair.
She is the symptom and problem....either get counseling or get a divorce. Plain and simple!
2) It's about being selfish and thinking of only herself and her needs, not even
putting her children first.
3) If she doesn't feel desired, why not communicate with her husband on her needs
instead of not only disrespecting her family, but there is also her co workers
family, that they both did not think about....selfish.
4) She need counseling from either a professional marriage counselor, priest or whatever
religious denominations she is in, if her husband is stupid enough to forgive her.
5) She has destroyed any affection expected from her husband when she had this
affair.
She is the symptom and problem....either get counseling or get a divorce. Plain and simple!
People... She is asking for help for one thing but if you listen....
1) She is happy with her marriage.
2) It's all about the sex.
3) It's not even about the sex t's a bout the feeling desired.
First and foremost she needs to go to a respectable, and much as I hate to say it probabably christian, psychologist if she can afford it to work on self esteem issues.
Second she needs to get through to her hesband that they both need to start showing more affection and appreciation for each other.
That's just a start but while we all have bias in this area lets try to be constructively helpful.
We were all looking at symptoms instead of the problem.
1) She is happy with her marriage.
2) It's all about the sex.
3) It's not even about the sex t's a bout the feeling desired.
First and foremost she needs to go to a respectable, and much as I hate to say it probabably christian, psychologist if she can afford it to work on self esteem issues.
Second she needs to get through to her hesband that they both need to start showing more affection and appreciation for each other.
That's just a start but while we all have bias in this area lets try to be constructively helpful.
We were all looking at symptoms instead of the problem.
Hey Susie, please, keep us updated on this guiltless affair....we all look forward to giving you good advise.
Okay...You claim to have a great marriage with your husband. You have broken 3 of the most important things that make a marriage "great". Honesty, Trust, and LOYALTY. And to top it off you say you are not feeling guilty about it at all and that all you can think about is your co-worker. I'm sorry, but you must obviously be missing something in your marriage to go out on your husband (more than once even) and not feel bad about it. I am guessing that in all of this you and your husband do not communicate very well? Not only are you putting your marriage and family on the line, but also the marriage and family of this so called friend that is a co-worker's family and marriage. Maybe you should back off if that is what he is wanting and concentrate on what is wrong in your own marriage.
I actually thought the woman who wanted to divorce her husband over a bathroom was an idiot. She got upset that he wouldn't build a bathroom but in the next sentence said they had no money. But I didn't say anything because I would have gotten another email from MedHelp saying I was being rude.
I didn't see the suicidal one but I don't think a suicidal woman should have custody of her kids. That's a no brainer right there.
But what does bother me about this post is that this woman has absolutely no remorse and doesn't feel bad about tearing her family apart. I have no sympathy for people like that. Or for anyone who cheats......period. Sorry.
I didn't see the suicidal one but I don't think a suicidal woman should have custody of her kids. That's a no brainer right there.
But what does bother me about this post is that this woman has absolutely no remorse and doesn't feel bad about tearing her family apart. I have no sympathy for people like that. Or for anyone who cheats......period. Sorry.
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