Selfish? Or am I just being sensitive?

[joonzgurl]

My husband very rarely has to go away for work, but this week he left on Monday and won't be back until Friday. I certainly miss him as I am used to him being home for supper everynight, and of course sleeping in the same bed together! (not to mention it has been snowling like crazy and the sidewalks need shoveling! haha).

Anyways... he called tonight and is thinking about going hunting in the mountains this weekend, because he is off (he works lots and usually has ever 2nd weekend off). I know he mentioned it at first and said that he was <"thinking" about it because he wanted to guage my response.

I feel conflicted about this. I miss him, I want him to come home and spend time with me, and I feel that he should want to come home and be with me too since he will have been gone all week long.

On the other hand, I know he loves to hunt, does not get much time off work, and there are only two weekends left in the hunting season.

Urghh! I don't want to "guilt" him into staying home with me, but I want him to stay home!

Is he being selfish? Am I just being a wimp? After all we do have our whole lives to spend together.

Thoughts?

[el_em_en_oh]

Just my 2 cents, but DON'T learn to hunt and try and tag along on his hunting trips.

As much as I hate to say it, I enjoy my time away from my wife. I don't want you to get the impression that I revel in the idea of being away from my spouse every waking moment of every day, because that's not the case. BUT, when I'm away from my wife, I enjoy my time doing whatever it is that I'm doing (usually camping with the boy-scouts), and having her around, the 'by myself' time just wouldn't be the same.

My wife enjoys her time away from me as well, and usually finds something vino'related to do. She'll call a friend or 2, have them come over to our place, and they'll stay up till' all hours of the night talking about how much fun their having without their men around. It probably wouldn't be the same if I was to encroach on her time with her friends, and they more than likely wouldn't get as much out of the experience if I WAS around poking my nose into their wine'time.

In all seriousness, it's GOOD to have separate activities that you enjoy, and it's important that you keep these activities separate and not try to encroach on each others space and 'alone time'.. Your husband likes to hunt? Let him hunt. You like wine? Go and drink your wine. Let him have his hunting time, and he'll come back to you more than refreshed and ready to rumble.

[joonzgurl]

thanks guys. I know all of what you say is true- I do need to look at the bigger picture. I love the suggestion to learn to hunt and go too- next season I will definately ask him to take me out!

So for this weekend, I suppose I'll call a girlfriend for some vino while he is off having fun in the mountains!

[imanaddict]

I can so totally understand your dilemma! My husband works nights and only has weekends off every 3 months for one month. He will make plans to do things he wants to do with his motorcycle club, or do other things that he can only do on weekends. What we usually do when this occurs is we'll go have breakfast together as a family (or lunch) and spend some time together. He will go do his thing and I will go do mine. Then the next day is either something I want to do by myself, or together as a family. We will call for a babysitter on another weekend and go do something just me and him, without the kids. Marriage is about give and take, and compromise. It's not healthy to totally consume yourself in your spouse. I say let him go hunting and you find something to keep you busy as well. When he comes home, then you can enjoy the benefits of "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." ;-)

[specialmom]

I think I'd look at the big picture here.  Look at your relationship like a bank account.  Man, would you be making a big deposit in his account if you said it was fine to go and not give him any guff about it.  I think that would be a loving thing to do.

And when I say big picture-------- this is one week and one weekend out of a lifetime together.  Hunting season is over in 2 weeks so chances are this is his only chance to go.  So let him go and then tell him to plan a nice date for you the following weekend.  I think that will make you both happy as you'll feel funny/guilty if he stays home now.  

I don't think he is being selfish-----------  he sees this as a chance to do something that he can't always do.  And I don't think you are wrong for wishing he'd stay with you after returning from his trip.  It is what it is.  So don't blow it out of proportion and add a big deposit to his account that in the long run benefits you by doing so.  good luck

[Ashelen]

I agree with AnnieBrooke. I'm not trying to be rude here but I truly think that the way you're looking at it is a little immature...I admit that I'm guilty of the same thinking, sometimes. But you have to realize that these sort of situations will set the mood for your future relationship...do you want to be the sort of jealous wife who never lets him spend time away, or do you want to learn to spend time apart and accept that sometimes life will conspire to keep you apart more than you would like?

It's not that you're being selfish, it's just that I think you have the wrong outlook on the situation. I think AnnieBrooke gave you some really good suggestions on how to try to view this situation...and I, too, would ask him if you could come along and learn to hunt...my FIL hunts and so my MIL took it up and now they go on a 2-wk hunting trip together after Christmas every year and it's a very special time for them both.

[AnnieBrooke]

The only place you get into trouble with this is when you say "I feel he should want to come home and be with me."  It's fine to say, "I miss him and would sure like it if he were home," but not so great to get indignant over feelings you are imputing to him that he might not even be feeling.  He probably would like to be with you but doesn't get many chances to go hunting, and knows he can be with you when this brief hunting window goes by.  That it comes up at an inconvenient time in relation to the absence caused by his work schedule is too bad, but why rain all over his parade when he's a hard-working guy?  I'd learn to hunt, myself.  Then he'll REALLY want to be with you during hunting season.