please help me figure this out

[Melio]

So I've got this awesome fiance, he's so sweet. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how lucky he is to have me. Well recently he has been talking to this girl, we will call her crap bag. So him and crap bag talk on the phone on a daily basis but only when I'm not around. I only met crap bag once and he didn't even introduce me to her. Moving on from that, he has a dead end job and refuses to get another one. It's minimum wage. I am currently paying for our groceries and for his car that has been in the shop, plus I helped pay for the car. He still owes me three grand on it. And here's where it gets complicated, a short time ago I cheated. Not with one guy, not with two. I won't go into the exact number. And I am currently in contact with one of them. He's OLDER but he has a terrific job and can offer me the world. I care about him but I don't want to leave my fiance. Do you think I should because of what I've done so much that the relationship is irreversable? I mean i love him with all my heart and soul but maybe he could do better? Or should I stay with him because true love conquors all? I have been trying to figure this out for eight months now. Please assist me.

[Londres70]

Sounds like you should move on dear.  It is apparent you DON'T want to be with this current guy.  "I love him with all my heart."  If you aren't able to tell us how many times you have cheated on him.....hmmmm.....doubt this is love.  

If you find yourself wanting to "sleep around" I wouldn't recommend getting into another relationship.  

You only mentioned how this "older guy" can "offer you the world."  Do you care about this guy or only about what he can give you?

I think you should be single for awhile and figure things out.  

If you are going to stay with this current guy he does DESERVE the truth about what you have done and how you feel.  If he stays with you.....hmmm.... not so sure about that.

[specialmom]

Hm.  That post contained a lot of info.  I think you should break up with your current 'fiance' (which is the term used to indicate you have decided to marry) and NOT date anyone for several months.  I know you will not like this idea but you are going from one guy to another to another and making poor choices because of it.  

You have allowed yourself to sink to low levels of character by cheating.  

He may sense that something is amiss and hence, has a side friend that he is talking to.

You both sound like you may not be mature enough for a true relationship.

I agree with looking at what you value as important in a person to have a long term ----  'fiance' would count as that when taken seriously (I keep saying that because I can't imagine you really see yourself marrying someone that you cheat on)------  and you can choose what is imporant to you.  I will say that I wanted a man who was ambitious.  That is an attractive quality to me.  It was on my list.  Maybe your current guy isn't ambitious and that would be a deal breaker for you.  But . . . the 'c rap bag' of your own (which he would have to be to in order to be the 'other man') has ambition but low character to be in a relationship with someone who is supposed to be engaged.

Another reason to break up with your 'fiance' is that he deserves a woman that takes the idea of marrying him seriously.  Cheating doesn't fit that profile and it would kind to him to allow him to find someone that loves him enough to remain faithful.  

Overall, I think this relationship is doomed sadly.  I think the one with the older guy (who you like because he makes good money and you'd have to chip in less for groceries) is also doomed (most relationships that start through cheating end because neither partner ever fully trusts each other).  

I know this may not be what you wanted to hear but I do want you to find a path to an adult, happy relationship.  You are not on that path now and will have to bring change to your life to find your way.  It will be hard change-----  but worth it in the end if you are able to have a real relationship.  Yes, good to hold those we date to certain standards.  Bad, to stick with them anyway while we cheat and then find ourselves choosing between which guy.  I do wish you luck!@!

[cheshchesh819]

You sound very dissapointed with your current boyfriend,it comes across that he is and never will be good enough for you,you have very high expectations,you aint happy with his job,well it could be worse he could be unemployed a heavy drinker and a nasty person,he sounds like he is a good person in all and you should be lucky to have him,if you are cheating then this relationship is doomed anyway,it will come out it always do and then it will be up to him if he chooses to stay with you,if this is your idea of love i would hate to see how you would treat someone you had no feelings for.