having fun..

[wyrpamatz]

Okay so my husband and I don't have any kids at all. I would like for us to have more fun as in get away for a weekend or even a day. But every time I bring it up its like he doesn't care. When I tell him he tells me its too late or he's tired or simply he just doesn't want to. And when he wants to he takes long in getting ready then my energy of going out is gone or we get into an argument. I'm really tired of him doing that. When I was living with my parents my dad would takes us to the beach or go out somewhere. And his parents didn't take them anywhere, so he blames them for not taking him out and that's why he doesn't like going out.

[Nighthawk61]

I know that your husband works out of town, alot, right? So I guess he feels that it's a real treat to be home. Whereas, you're always at home, and need to get away from home. It does sound like you' should be looking for a compromise, between staying at home and making that as special as it can be, (romantic dinners, movies, etc) and going out among others. It could be that he wants you all to himself, when he is at home. Is he still working out of town mostly? Is there a hobby, like Pyrography (wood burning and carving) that you could do together at home? Can you get him interested in a creative pursuit that you could both enjoy together? Are you getting out of the house yourself, other than work? Do you have girlfriends that you go shopping or to the beach with, for instance? Or is the only time you leave home yourself is when you go to work, or visit family?

" We spoke about this issue, and he said that he's going to have to like to go out and be outdoors, bc he said that he wants to please me as much as I like to please him in the sense of doing what he wants to do. "

It sounds like he's willing to compromise after your talking to him about it. If it were me, I would make a special celebration at home, and tell him how much it means to you that he's willing to compromise, and go out with you. How's it going? Have you thought about or made arrangements for an outing?

[VICourageous]

Well this is very interesting I must say. I have been married for almost 28 years in Sept. We never had Kids and we used to go out alot and do things. Now the past couple of years he just became a Homebody because he works his ash off and wants to relax. I was the opposite and would just go with out him to the beach or something with friends. Now I am getting to be like him..Ekkkk. BUT we do take the dogs to the beach together and did go to a concert a months ago. This was a big one for me.
You two are still very young and Should get out..Because in the later years as you grow he might just want to be at home. Sounds like he needs a little Push to get going just like me these days. Ha!!!
I wish you the Best!!!

[wyrpamatz]

No I didn't see this pattern. We would always be doing something when we were dating.

[RockRose]

wyrpamatz - I think there are people who like to go out,  and people who like to stay home.

Like there are people who like seafood,  and people who don't.

They are called "gadabouts",  and "homebodies".  It sounds like he just prefers to be at home.  

Did you see this pattern when you were dating?

[Londres70]

"But every time I bring it up its like he doesn't care."  Then you say......
"We spoke about this issue, and he said that he's going to have to like to go out and be outdoors, bc he said that he wants to please me as much as I like to please him in the sense of doing what he wants to do."  This is a bit confusing.  

I would suggest you taking the initiative and simply planning something and see how he responds then if he stated he is willing to please you.  

[wyrpamatz]

We have money saved up but we also have money to spend for ourselves besides spending on what we need. Also, I don't like to spend a lot of money to go have fun. For example, when he and I went to the beach we prepared sandwiches and had a chicken salad and snacks and drinks and we just spent money on gas and having dinner at a local restaurant. So no he doesn't feel financially pressured. I think its mostly bc he was raised differently. We spoke about this issue, and he said that he's going to have to like to go out and be outdoors, bc he said that he wants to please me as much as I like to please him in the sense of doing what he wants to do. Thank you specialmom for your advice.

[Londres70]

"When I was living with my parents my dad would takes us to the beach or go out somewhere. And his parents didn't take them anywhere, so he blames them for not taking him out and that's why he doesn't like going out.".......He (your husband) is a product of his environment.  He is only doing what he knows.  He will not change overnight or maybe never.  When you meet, date and marry someone it isn't in hopes to "change" someone into what you want or what you are used to, but to accept them.  

In another post you did mention about saving up for a home of your own.  Perhaps he sees these "day trips" or "weekend trips" as something that doesn't fit into the budget at this time and/or he is a person that just doesn't do getaways.  Nowadays having fun usually costs some money.  

Is he working long hours?  Are you working?

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, that is so true, we are all different and have different life experience that helps shape us.  But when we get married, we agree to combine our life with another.  That means we have to do things 'they' like that we might not love.  

It bothers me that you set it up and he still does a very passive aggressive thing of not getting himself ready very fast.  (like what does a man have to do to get ready?)  

Honestly, I'd have a heart to heart.  Tell him that this is important to you and you'd like to be able to have a life in which there are fun outings . . .  now and when  you have kids.  Spell it out for him.  And then tell him the car is pulling out at X time the next Saturday (or whenever) and you want him to be up and ready to go on time.  Then plan a fun day for the two of you that you know he'll enjoy the activities too.  

If he doesn't do 'that'----  you've got a real issue.  Not only would that be an incompatibility issue but it would also mean he isn't willing to do what you need to be happy.  That is a huge problem now and in the future for working out differences.  

He doesn't worry that it will cost too much money does he?  If you aren't working and he is financially under pressure, could that be playing a role??