THE ONLY WAY TO DEAL WITH CHRONIC INSECURITY:
1.LET'S SEE WHAT IS NATURE?
2.WHAT A HUMAN DESIRES AT ?THE LEAST
3.WHAT A MEN AND WOMEN NEED?
4.ONE THING AT LAST ALL HUMANS WERE BURIED UNDER THE "6 FEET BURIAL GROUND"
THIS IS THE REALITY, THE END OF EVERYTHING IS "6 FEET BURIAL GROUND"
EVERYTHING WILL BE DESTROYED ONE DAY THERE IS NO DOUBT IN IT SO LETS TRUST AND BE ASSUAGE TO ALL THE HUMANS.
SO GET MARRIED WITH THE ONE WHO TRUST YOU THE MOST
THIS THE NATURE THAT ALMIGHTY GOD CREATED FOR US
THE ONLY WAY TO DEAL WITH CHRONIC INSECURITY:
1.LET'S SEE WHAT IS NATURE?
2.WHAT A HUMAN DESIRES AT ?THE LEAST
3.WHAT A MEN AND WOMEN NEED?
4.ONE THING AT LAST ALL HUMANS WERE BURIED UNDER THE "6 FEET BURIAL GROUND"
THIS IS THE REALITY, THE END OF EVERYTHING IS "6 FEET BURIAL GROUND"
EVERYTHING WILL BE DESTROYED ONE DAY THERE IS NO DOUBT IN IT SO LETS TRUST AND BE ASSUAGE TO ALL THE HUMANS.
SO GET MARRIED WITH THE ONE WHO TRUST YOU THE MOST
THIS THE NATURE THAT ALMIGHTY GOD CREATED FOR US
Insecure860::: you say that therapy is stigmatized in the culture you grew up in...what about seeking counseling with a priest/rabbi/preacher/etc? Whatever religion you are, the religious leader in your belief system should be able and willing to provide you with some genuine, carefully thought-out therapy. And you can tell anyone who asks that you're seeking "guidance".
(thank you, Claire)
thank you all for your very thoughtful comments. i read them over and over again. i had never imagined that this forum would turn out to be so supportive. so thanks again!!
it seems everybody agrees that therapy is a must for me. unfortunately, in the cultural setting i come from, there are very few good therapists available and the act of seeing a shrink is highly stigmatized. i shall try to do my best in this regard but dont know how far it'll work out.
also, it is certainly impossible to cut off ties with my family, given my cultural background. though i have been living away from home for over five years, i have to speak to my parents almost everyday and have to visit them once in a while. when the days of the visits come closer, i get all the more upset and worked up though its difficult to make my friends understand why i hate "home" so much.
i do have an offer for a scholarship to go to school in europe for two years. i am yet to make up my mind. while it will give me a lot of exposure and change of setting, it will also push me into a long distance relationship which is a terrifying thought right now. the more i try to think this out, the more it embroils me in the same old net of insecurity.
i know all this is just an extension of what i wrote about yesterday. but still, it feels good to be able to write all this here. would be nice if you all comment some more. i know i cant get ready made solutions for anything, but reading your comments has been very helpful. thanks :-)
I'm so sorry for how you were brought up in a dysfunctional family and environment and your concerns are justifiable. This "was" your home environement, upbring and the only world that you know, but it doesn't mean that you have to live the rest of your life haunted by your childhood and events. This dysfunctional cycle should be an opportunity for you to live your life the way it should be lived and in a happy, loving, nurturing environment and yes, you can do this, because the past is behind you and you want to be the first to break the cycle of dysfunction, physical, vebal and sexual abuse. You do not have to live the rest of your life with the past destroying your future and continuing to affect you life and happiness. Right now you have a man that loves you, cares about you, respects you and those are qualities that are so hard to find, so I think he is a keeper. You start to heal with awareness of what has happened and that you want to change your life and then small steps by planning out your life, necessary counseling or therapy to overcome the past and move forward into the future and how life was mean to be lived. Going back to school would be fantastic. You become well educated, wiser, meet new friends and intersting people from around the world and a healthy home, work environment and relationship. Seek out a counselor (at school or clinics) that will help you come to terms with the past and everything that has happened and the steps and process to move forward. Find the right time to "discuss" with your b/f that you will need his love and support during this time. Keep the past in the past and do not take out any mood, frustration or inner anger on him. He is innocent of your past and he is your new beginning, so treat him with love, respect and dignity. You both are worth changing for. Keep away from negative friends, environment and unfortunately family if necessary to avoid set backs. You can do this, the healing process has begun with you wanting to move forward in a positive direction and that wonderful b/f that has been put in your path to help you heal. Good luck.
Wow, you have been thru alot for your young 23 years on this earth. As sad as that is, you can turn it around but it will take patience, possibly some therapy and an iron will. Mostly it will take time and determination. Start with the little things and take them one at a time. Try to change your reaction to it. You might succeed the first time you do it and fail the next, but each time you succeed and see the results are better than you expected it will build your self esteem a little at a time. Let him know you want to change your behaviors and request his help and patience and make him part of the cure. For example, if you are a jealous type (usually comes with ones self esteem, or lack thereof), and you think your man looked at some other female, let him know the emotions it brings up in you and talk about it. If it is just a glance and not a leer for example, if he conforms to your demands, he is not helping you conquer your fears by staring at the sidewalk. Each time you do not over react to your perceived fear, you gain that self confidence and image and trust you so badly wish you had. I would start with therapy and get some pointers of how to set this plan in motion according to what your triggers are. Then practice. I sure hope this makes sense to someone other than me. lol Hang in....