Please help me!!!

[calidreamer77]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years now and lately he keeps bringing up if I love him or not. like for the past 2 weeks he's been harassing me about it. I may not be as affectionate or have sex everyday but that doesn't mean I don't love him. Of course I love him but he obviously doesn't believe me if he keeps bringing it up.
I'm 28 though and shouldn't I want sex more often? I just don't know what to do, he won't believe anything I tell him.
What do I do so that he stops talking about this? I went off of an anti-depressant Effexor at the beginning of spring, I don't know if that would have anything to do with my mood but I talk to him and all that stuff it's just that he keeps bringing up the same thing. were definitely past the honeymoon phase but that doesn't mean I don't love him. what can I do? should I have sex even when I dont feel like it?

[teko]

8 years of being bf/gf? Wow! After 8 years you would think the insecurity would be a thing of the past! You have plans of getting married someday? Anyway, libido comes in peaks and valleys and is normal. You said you love him, he is not a turn off to you, just let him know you dont know why your libido is low right now. It is common for anti depressants to steel your libido to some degree as well, and if you have quit them, it may take your body time to adjust. But in the meantime do some of the things you did when you first met that got the juices flowing. If you dont use it you lose it, so get some romance back into your life and go from there! My guess is life just got in the way!

[Judy246]

It's time to discuss what are his needs that he feels are not being met. Find the right time to discuss and actively listen to what he has to say. It sounds as if he is feeling insecure about you and the relationship and possibly needs reassurance of your life and the relationship, but find the right time to just sit down and discuss or present all issues that need to be discussed in an effective manner. Simply ask him that you are concern about whatever the issues are and would like to discuss them. Make sure to listen carefully and then make suggestions on how best to resolve them. Good Luck.

[specialmom]

This is actually not an uncommon problem that a lot of couples have.  Having slightly different levels of desire puts a couple at odds sometimes and some men view sex as meaning love.  We complicated women do not see it that way and want affection, long conversations, understanding, a good meal out once in a while . . . etc.  This is a generalization, of course, and does not go for all men but many just plain old want sex.  I think when our libido is low------------  and theirs is high, we have to meet in the middle.  I'd consider if it was really the best thing to stop taking your antidepressent----------  a low sex drive is often present with depression (even a low level).  Many who have taken an antidepressent in their life do end up taking them indefinitely and it is not a bad thing if it helps . . . well, that is my opinion on that, anyway.  So------- something to consider.  Have you gained weight?  I ask that because I've noticed a lot of women when they gain weight find themselves less in the mood.  I hope you don't think that is a personal question (and I will tell ya, I gained weight after having my two kids!  Been trying to lose it slowly but surely and I really do think it has helped my libido tremendously) as I don't mean it that way.  But as a woman, I know that I sometimes have things that get in the way of the romance department and sometimes it can even be myself and how I'm feeling about me.  Exercising really helps this I think.  

I'd try to reconnect with him--------  have some dates without sex being in the equation so that you just enjoy each other's company.  And . . . yes, do it when you don't feel like it sometimes as you will tell him no other times.  It is about compromise.  Also communication helps.  Tell him you love him frequently.  Ask him to do some housework for you while you take a nice, long bath and relax.  That might help get you in the mood.  

I wish you luck.  

[AnnieBrooke]

So the discussion of whether you love him comes up mostly when he wants to have sex and you don't?  

If he is using emotional blackmail to try to get you to have sex, and if you've been in a relationship for 8 years and had begun to need an antidepressant, it sounds like it might be worth looking at the whole relationship and whether you really like it much any more.