Aa
frustrated. am i overreacting?
My son is 2 weeks old today and every day, with the exception of one since we have been home, my husband had been home from the time he gets up until atleast 5pm. Its already 6 and he still isn't home. No call or anything. He has been helping my dad at his shop but hasn't made any money yet and when he comes home all he talks about is how they goofed off at work or went to this place or that. He's not home to help or even spend time with us then tells I'm depressed when I shouldn't be and that I need to get out of the house more, but he takes my car every day and I don't feel comfortable going out alone with my son yet. I finally thought I was getting over those baby blues but all I've done today is cry. I havieven gotten to take a shower in days bc he's never home to watch the baby so I can relax.for those 10min. And honestly I'm scared that I'm going to flip on him when he does decide to come home because I'm just so tired of it. I'm tired of feeling like I'm doing it alone
COMMUNITY LEADER
It's summer. Get baby in stroller and start meeting people. Go to church as they have wonderful and supportive women's groups where you'll meet other moms, look on the internet for play groups (yes, they call mom get togethers with newborns playgroups), go to the Y (which has a sliding fee all the way down to free for those with financial issues) and do a class, etc. and meet other moms as friends in your area. You are isolating yourself. Newborns do NOT break and are not so fragile they can't be put down.
As to a 2 week old that doesn't let you lay him/her down. Oh goodness, lay the baby down and let them cry a tiny bit with you right there. I held my babies a lot but you have to put the baby down from time to time. Soon, you can get one of those blanket with mobile things over top and lay him/her under that. They stare and play and are entertained for about 15 minutes. Get a bouncy chair, a baby swing, etc. Have places to put baby to be entertained. Second hand stores are good places to get all of that as is Craig's list. Essential baby equipment.
You need to connect with those around you. And maybe invite your mom for a visit. I'm sure she'd like to come and see the new baby. Is she in another country--- 17 hours away?
My mother was passed away and I was pretty much on my own when my first son was born. I found quickly that having a couple of girlfriends was essential. We'd even just meet at the mall and walk around with our babies in strollers. Never buying anything but just cruising around. Or I'd invite them over and they'd bring their lunch and baby and we'd just sit and hang out with our babies together.
My pediatrician told me about something when my baby was not quite a newborn but a bit older--- a 'mother's helper.' This is a neighborhood girl that is maybe around 10 years old. She comes over for about 1.5. to 2 hours WHILE you are home (you don't leave) and plays with the baby while you do something else. You pay maybe 2 bucks an hour. It was fantastic. My son started walking when he was 9/10 months old. My mother's helpers would come over and play with him, chase him around, etc. I was pregnant with baby number two by that point (my boys are 15 months apart) and this was really helpful. So keep that in mind and look for someone to do this for you.
anyway, hang in there but don't isolate yourself. good luck
As to a 2 week old that doesn't let you lay him/her down. Oh goodness, lay the baby down and let them cry a tiny bit with you right there. I held my babies a lot but you have to put the baby down from time to time. Soon, you can get one of those blanket with mobile things over top and lay him/her under that. They stare and play and are entertained for about 15 minutes. Get a bouncy chair, a baby swing, etc. Have places to put baby to be entertained. Second hand stores are good places to get all of that as is Craig's list. Essential baby equipment.
You need to connect with those around you. And maybe invite your mom for a visit. I'm sure she'd like to come and see the new baby. Is she in another country--- 17 hours away?
My mother was passed away and I was pretty much on my own when my first son was born. I found quickly that having a couple of girlfriends was essential. We'd even just meet at the mall and walk around with our babies in strollers. Never buying anything but just cruising around. Or I'd invite them over and they'd bring their lunch and baby and we'd just sit and hang out with our babies together.
My pediatrician told me about something when my baby was not quite a newborn but a bit older--- a 'mother's helper.' This is a neighborhood girl that is maybe around 10 years old. She comes over for about 1.5. to 2 hours WHILE you are home (you don't leave) and plays with the baby while you do something else. You pay maybe 2 bucks an hour. It was fantastic. My son started walking when he was 9/10 months old. My mother's helpers would come over and play with him, chase him around, etc. I was pregnant with baby number two by that point (my boys are 15 months apart) and this was really helpful. So keep that in mind and look for someone to do this for you.
anyway, hang in there but don't isolate yourself. good luck
Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm trying to do better. And my husband has started helping a little more when he gets home by changing diapers and doing laundry. Its still frustrating but hopefully it continues to get a lil better. And honestly, as for my son, I wish he slept alot 95% of the time he only falls asleep when I'm nursing and if I lay him down he wakes and pitches a fit. He's very alert for a newborn too so he doesn't just sleep. But fusses if I'm out of sight. And honestly I can't make myself leave him yet. I left him for 15 min to run to the gas station the other day and ended up crying the whole way back.
As for family this mom is deceased, along with his nanny. And my mom and sisters live 17 hours away. I have one brother 2 hours away and my dad and younger brother. And he has his papa and an aunt who we don't really associate with. The only other family is an aunt who isn't really his aunt but she has her hands full as is.
As for family this mom is deceased, along with his nanny. And my mom and sisters live 17 hours away. I have one brother 2 hours away and my dad and younger brother. And he has his papa and an aunt who we don't really associate with. The only other family is an aunt who isn't really his aunt but she has her hands full as is.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Some men are afraid of little babies for some reason. And then we women make it easy on them by doing everything. Don't go that route. When he next gets home, say "whew, I'm tired. Here's the baby." Bottle in fridge. Or if you are nursing him, nurse him right then and do this after. Then you go to your bedroom for a couple of hours and just sit there, read, watch tv, etc. And as the baby gets over and you recover, you can leave the house for a bit and leave him in charge of the baby all by his self.
Honestly, what I try to express to women is that the newborn is the easy part. They sleep a lot and don't do much. When the babies become mobile and need entertaining is when it gets really hard. You want to get your husband in line now for being a part of the team that raises the baby and does what needs to be done.
You will soon see that you can go everywhere with your baby. My first child, I did indeed spend a lot of time at home at first. With my second one, 15 months later, we just 'went' (newborn and one year old together!). Those infant carriers are wonderful because the keep the baby safe and are easy to carry--- tell your husband you need the car keys because you have to go to X.
When you go back to your doctor, I do want you to discuss how you are feeling. Anxiety, stress are always there when someone is a new, first time mom. But if it gets too much, doctors like to know this. They'll help you decide when it is too much. Now is also the time to reach out. Your mom, his mom, sisters, brothers and friends. Where are they? Invite them over!!
Honestly, what I try to express to women is that the newborn is the easy part. They sleep a lot and don't do much. When the babies become mobile and need entertaining is when it gets really hard. You want to get your husband in line now for being a part of the team that raises the baby and does what needs to be done.
You will soon see that you can go everywhere with your baby. My first child, I did indeed spend a lot of time at home at first. With my second one, 15 months later, we just 'went' (newborn and one year old together!). Those infant carriers are wonderful because the keep the baby safe and are easy to carry--- tell your husband you need the car keys because you have to go to X.
When you go back to your doctor, I do want you to discuss how you are feeling. Anxiety, stress are always there when someone is a new, first time mom. But if it gets too much, doctors like to know this. They'll help you decide when it is too much. Now is also the time to reach out. Your mom, his mom, sisters, brothers and friends. Where are they? Invite them over!!
That's what I did too, was take my daughter in to the bathroom with me while I showered. It can be hard if they're crying and you're trying to shower as fast as you can but it works. At least you know they're right there in the room with you and they're safe.
I do hope you start feeling better soon. I know women that have had c sections and they say they're so painful and hard to get over. Maybe in a couple of weeks you and the baby can start taking short walks outside of the house.
I won't even say anything about the way your husband is acting except I do wish he knew what it was like to be pregnant, have a c section, breastfeed and take care of a newborn 24/7.
I do hope you start feeling better soon. I know women that have had c sections and they say they're so painful and hard to get over. Maybe in a couple of weeks you and the baby can start taking short walks outside of the house.
I won't even say anything about the way your husband is acting except I do wish he knew what it was like to be pregnant, have a c section, breastfeed and take care of a newborn 24/7.
Bring the baby with you while you take a shower. Set him down on the floor and you will see how the sound of water will calm him down and you will get to enjoy that moment of relaxation. Be strong and take good care of yourself. Ask family or friends for help if you need to. Invite them and have them watch the baby for 10 minutes, trust me people love doing that. Are you on the bus route at all? You must get out of the house to overcome the depression. I went through that and I know that the only thing that helped me was to get back to the world and see people. Your husband will pay better attention to you as well if you take good care of yourself and act independent. You can do it!!!
You definitely need to talk to your husband (calmly) and explain that you need him to be around more, to help. And tell him when he IS around,m he needs to step up, period. Also, if he's not making any money at your dad's shop, then he needs to look for a new job...one that will generate income.
I remember the days of the turbo shower, it definitely is stressful, but you CAN shower without your hubby there, even if it's a quick one. Just use the time when your son is lying in his crib. Even if he isn't asleep. As long as baby is safe in his crib, you can take 10-15 minutes to shower, he WIL,L be okay I promise! Even if he CRIESm he will still be okay! You need to be getting a shower every day, for obvious reasons, plus it will make you feel better.
You will learn with practice that you need to rest and kick your feet up every time you get a chance (which isn't probably a lot). You will learn how to better manage your time, and remember that the baby won't always demand so much of your time, it does get easier. When baby naps, you nap..or get a few things done..but don't stress yourself into thinking you're going to get everything done, because you won't, and that's OKAY!
Also, do you have any other family or friends nearby you can ask to come over and watch the baby while you get some things done, or get some rest? Take advantage of easy, crockpot meals, something you can throw in in the morning. Don't be afraid to ASK for help. I could kick myself..with my daughter, I was a nut and was in this weird place where I thought I should do everything myself, and I HAD a wonderfully helpful hubby (when he wasn't working, which wasn't too much, he was always busy).
HA! I learned my lesson, when I had my son, I was advertising for people to come in shifts to help, asking for people to make me dinners...lol. You will learn. Babies are a lot of work and stress, so don't stress yourself out more than you have to be...you need to try to get some resolution with your hubby, before you resent him more and more. Next time he comes home from work, be ready and tell him you have plans...and leave HIM with the baby. It's only fair. Go out to dinner, a movie, whatever. Do you work? Maybe you could get a PT job just to give you a break (and some extra $!) I used to look forward to work...it was a change of pace and a change of scenery.
Best to you...enjoy that little one, they grow SO fast...my "baby" is turning 15!
I remember the days of the turbo shower, it definitely is stressful, but you CAN shower without your hubby there, even if it's a quick one. Just use the time when your son is lying in his crib. Even if he isn't asleep. As long as baby is safe in his crib, you can take 10-15 minutes to shower, he WIL,L be okay I promise! Even if he CRIESm he will still be okay! You need to be getting a shower every day, for obvious reasons, plus it will make you feel better.
You will learn with practice that you need to rest and kick your feet up every time you get a chance (which isn't probably a lot). You will learn how to better manage your time, and remember that the baby won't always demand so much of your time, it does get easier. When baby naps, you nap..or get a few things done..but don't stress yourself into thinking you're going to get everything done, because you won't, and that's OKAY!
Also, do you have any other family or friends nearby you can ask to come over and watch the baby while you get some things done, or get some rest? Take advantage of easy, crockpot meals, something you can throw in in the morning. Don't be afraid to ASK for help. I could kick myself..with my daughter, I was a nut and was in this weird place where I thought I should do everything myself, and I HAD a wonderfully helpful hubby (when he wasn't working, which wasn't too much, he was always busy).
HA! I learned my lesson, when I had my son, I was advertising for people to come in shifts to help, asking for people to make me dinners...lol. You will learn. Babies are a lot of work and stress, so don't stress yourself out more than you have to be...you need to try to get some resolution with your hubby, before you resent him more and more. Next time he comes home from work, be ready and tell him you have plans...and leave HIM with the baby. It's only fair. Go out to dinner, a movie, whatever. Do you work? Maybe you could get a PT job just to give you a break (and some extra $!) I used to look forward to work...it was a change of pace and a change of scenery.
Best to you...enjoy that little one, they grow SO fast...my "baby" is turning 15!
Sorry I accidentally commented on the wrong post. That's what I get for using my phone while laying down
Thanks
Thanks mommabear. I hope so. I'm gonna have to go back to work as soon as I can since one of us has to make money
So my husband had our son and he needed to be changed. He laidhim down in front of him and I got a diaper and asked if he was going to change him. He said "not really" then got mad when I picked our son up and laid him in front of me to change him. Wtf? And then accused me of doing nothing except "laying in bed all day". :( I wish he could get cut open then breastfeed our child all day. Especially when my son refuses to let me lay him down without screaming.
:-( i hope things improve soon for you momma, it does get easier to move about etc, my lo is comin up 4 weeks now and i can move a lot more easier than i was, and his feeding has calmed down a bit, so hopefully not long til yours does too x
I know. And its like he doesn't understand how hard it is on me. Especially after the csection and him seeing how little sleep I get at night bc our son is constantly feeding. I just don't get it. :( and its really taking its toll on me mentally
that's a full time job in itself, its exhausting, and tryin to fit in getting washed and dressed is a no no when baby wants to feed 24/7, its not fair. how would he like it? x
Yes it is. Especially when we're breastfeeding
Aw hun, your definitely not over reacting, i would be pissed as well, that's not fair on you. and i know how you feel cause my baby daddy does stuff like that too. i do think you should say to him, i do think that some blokes think that cause we home all day with baby that we sit and do nothing, when its like a full time job in itself. x
He just came in and seen a.bowl on my bed and said "oh I guess you ate already " and I was just like "yeah around one, I had to eat something to gibe our son nutrition " and he said irk why you're so ill and all I was able to say was "because you've been gone since you woke up, and it's 6:30 already " all he said was wtf ever and walked out the room.
I think you need to calmy talk to your hubby about everything you are feeling and how his actions are effecting you. I have been though a very similar situation with my hubby "working" for his dad. It took a long conversation for him to get where I was coming from. Long story short in our case I told my hubby if he is out all day "working" but not bringing home any money then his time was better spent at home helping me where at least things could be accomplished. It is a crappy situation and I really hope you are able to resolve things with your hubby.
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