VENT !!!

[expectingababygirl]

So idk if i am wrong but i just had a huge argument with my mom because my brother came in to my room and took cookies from my son and my son got mad and came out to tell me well i told him to let him have some well then my mom starts going and telling me that we need to teach my son how to share and what not then starts to bring up alot of unesesary stuff and finaly i tell her to not say anything to me well she gets super mad n says that i have no respect for her because i tell her that and if i am going to act like that to move i mean was i wrong to tell her to not tell me how to teach my son when i clearly allways tell him to share but he allways has a hard time with that i am sorry for the long story i just had to vent!!

[specialmom]

Well, I do think it is always hard for grown adult children to move home.  Moms still act like moms and as an adult, this is less welcome.  I think that is part of what happened here.  

It also sounds like you kind of acknowledge that your son has things to work on (AND ALL KIDS DO)----  so maybe, this was a hot button for you and you took her comments bad and then the whole thing got out of hand.

Just talk to her if you aren't set on moving and see if it can be resolved.  

Peace

[brice1967]

Letting your kid have cookies in his room is certainly your choice.... By all means, your choice completely.  What I suggested was basically adding a bit of structure.  If he were eating where perhaps you or your mother could have witnessed the entire event, maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation.  Maybe you and your mother would be working together for a resolution rather than fighting over what happened.

You said above that this was #2 argument in all of your life, but in your initial post you almost paint another picture... like this is a common occurrence.  If it's only happened twice, you've got no problems then.... carry on.

[specialmom]

Well, if it was an isolated incident and you two never fight-----  then I would also not get so upset back.  maybe she was having a horrible day and that was the straw that broke the camels back.

Any advice I gave was with the idea of how the problem can not occur again.  That is what happens here---  people usually just give their thoughts  It's not judgement, it is advice.  :>)  

Hope it all works out for you and you and your mom make up soon.

[expectingababygirl]

Also i was just venting not asking for judgments thats alot ladys!!

[expectingababygirl]

Well that was not the problem of him sharing the problem that he came to my room and didn't ask just took a bunch and ran out another thing is that he did share his cookies but my mom still had to have a comment is not like we argue all the time this has been maybe the 2 argument in all my life i just didn't understand why she got so upset and no i dont think that just because i live at her house witch i pay rent and bills also i am not here free and even if i was living free no one has the right to tell you how to teach your child another thing if i allowed him to have cookies in the room is a personal choice just because you dont allow it at your house i have to not allowed it at mine!!

[brice1967]

I've noticed that a lot of people who come to forums like med help want to get affirmation for their feelings and often take offense to some responses.  With that said, I don't want to be "that guy" who offends but I am having a hard time figuring out how to not sound offensive....  I'll give it a go.

One thing that is abundantly clear is that it is indeed moms house.  That doesn't make her behavior right or wrong, but as long as you live there, you are entitled to play the game according to her rules.  (You may find that the rules change to better suit her, but they can because it is her house.)  if you and she are at wits end, perhaps now is the perfect time to find something... anything away from the drama.  It would allow you to work on things/issues regarding your own family.

Granted, your brother should not have taken anything from your son but there are some things to learn from the reaction there, and some homework.  8 is old enough to realize that "fits" don't work.  The only reason he is using them still is because they continue to pay off in some way, shape, or form.  Now is the perfect time for him to begin to learn the art of communication and negotiation.  Instead of crying, screaming, stomping his feet, etc... make him calm down and use his words to tell you exactly what the deal is.  If he cannot keep his emotions calm, allow him to "go gather" himself and come back when he can stop the fit and "tell you whats wrong".  It's a lot of work, but it has to happen and the work has to be constant.  

As for your brother.... I bet there isn't a thing that you can do about him "stealing" or "snatching" a cookie if "mom" doesn't have a problem with it.  I think on a level, there is a bit of sibling rivalry going on but it is you who has kids, so it is you who needs to take on the adult role.  Work with your mom on this issue, or move along.

I wish you luck.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome to med help

Well, do you live in her house?  Sometimes that makes someone feel more entitled to speak out.  

I have an eight year old as well.  Couple of things-------  why cookies in the bedroom.  I'd outlaw that.   Secondly, eight is old enough to share.  Not like a toddler, you must share but int he spirit of being nice to someone.  My kids may break off a tiny piece and give to one another and we roll our eyes as we know that they are not really wanting to share the item.  So, that is the thing . . . sometimes if it is a special treat, a kid shouldn't have to share.  But if it happens all the time, then that is indeed something for a parent to work on.  I would problem solve the bigger picture rather than just this instance.  A thirteen year old boy has the mind of a 10 year old . . . LOL.  They aren't the most mature folks either.  So, keeping his desire for a treat in mind----  why not try to have something for him too.  Do you and your mom share responsibility for treats and food?  Does your mom try to have a sweet treat for your son if she has one for hers?  

Anyway, I think that sometimes we can all say things that are blown out of proportion or react badly.  She may have done that and you may have done that.  Happens when two people cohabitate all the time (spouses, partners, mom and daughter).  

Maybe too this is just the event that made your mom snap.  If other things are happening and she is upset about other things, this may have just been the last straw.  

So, anyway, hopefully it can work out.  I'd try to talk calmly to her and just iron it out if your living situation generally works.  Otherwise, maybe your own place would be better,

good luck

[expectingababygirl]

Yeah i just dont get why she got mad am i suppose to just take comments and not say anything well i am tired of that and shes right this is her house and i need to move out because i cant take this stuff anymore if shes getting mad over me telling her to leave me alone!!

[bkinnema5070]

Wow, that sounds exactly like my mom!! I was 18 when I had my son. 4 years later, I'm having my baby girl. im 38 weeks and she still won't speak to me because I told her to please keep her opinions to herself out of respect. My biggest mistake was not telling her that from day one. You did the right thing!! If you don't put your foot down now..things will never change if you don't. Its very discouraging as a parent to hear unwanted opinions when your trying your best!

[expectingababygirl]

Yeah i dont know anymore but i am going to move out i am tired of all the drama!! Specially since i am 6 months pregnant i think my hormones are all over the place!!

[rachb11]

i have no idea. maybe she thought she was trying to help or something and when you said that it hurt her feelings? that's such a weird thing to get mad about though i do agree. maybe try asking her why she got so mad when you both calm down from the situation.

[expectingababygirl]

Yeah he is my only child but i dont get why my mom got soo mad when it was my brother who took them from him with out asking while he was screaming to not take his cookies and shes the one whos mad plus my hubby was sleeping and he didn't care that he was sleeping and has to get up at 2am i mean my son is true my son has a hard time sharing hes 8 but also my brother is 13 should have more respect!! I dont get why shes mad because i told her to not tell me anything??

[rachb11]

if he is the only child it is hard to share. when i was a baby i was the only child (still am) and i never really wanted to share with any of my cousins or anything because i never HAD to share at home you know? my aunts and cousins still make fun of me TO THIS DAY because of it. i dont think you were in the wrong, at least your trying to get him to share and everything. and mother or not, i dont think anyone should tell someone how to raise their kid. i know i wouldn't want my mother telling me something like that. plus your brother shouldn't be TAKING things from anyone, that's just rude. he should be ASKING. so honestly it can go both ways. i would just tell her be like listen i was trying to tell him to share, but so-n-so shouldn't just be taking things out of his hands, he should be asking. ya know? :/