looking..

[blondiegurl]

Do you think it's ok if your significant other looks at other women?? I caught my bf looking at another woman walking toward us, going up the stairs. She was wearing some low cut top, showing it all, and I could see his eyes looking at her and not the athletic game we were at. I was a bit annoyed that he looked. I don't dress that way, am pretty conservative. I like to cover up. My bf has all the opportunity to see me at his place with less on, but I won't dress like that in public. Am I being stupid, by being annoyed at this?

[teko]

I had a relationship like that one time. I remember feeling like I had to look straight ahead all the time because if I didn't a fight ensued. This is a horrible way to live. Finally, I decided I was not doing anything and quit enabling him. In other words, I went ahead and lived my life and if he was seeing things that were not there, then so be it. When he wanted to accuse and fight, I simply walked away or took a drive. It got to the point where he knew if he was going to start fighting over stupid stuff, I was exiting the building. I refused to fight as it was his problem. Once he got that thru his head, at least the fighting stopped. And the constant accusations. I considered it his problem and left him to deal with it but refused to be party to it. I feel for anyone on either side of that coin.

[PromisedLand]

Thanks Iamanaddict and lonelymom...I'm not tooting my horn..I have my faults and I'm very open about them..but this is an issue that has become totally crazy..she did not come to see my therapist today but we discussed the issue anyway and I was totally honest with him..he recognizes that men "glance"....I don't stare..most of the time I sense movement around me and I look...that's it.  

We'll see what happens as things go along..

Jim

[imanaddict]

Jim, it sounds as if your wife is really hard on you and I honestly don't know how you put up with it. You seem like such a sweet man and a good husband and your wife should thank her lucky stars that she has you rather than sabotaging your marriage.

As for the looking part...it's human nature and we ALL do it at one point or another. My husband tells me about the women he looks at. It takes a LOT to turn his head. I'll joke around with him and tell him that there is NO woman on this earth that would put up with him besides me and he'll say that there is no other woman he wants.

I think a lot of it has to do with what type of relationship you have that determines how much it bothers the other. I used to be married to a guy that cheated on me, hit me, you name it and would look at other women and make comments right in front of me. I would get so angry and hurt that I would see red! My 2nd husband is total opposite, doesn't abuse me, shows me every day he loves me and has never been unfaithful and I don't believe he ever would. When he looks, it doesn't bother me because I KNOW for a fact that he loves ME and he makes sure that I know I am the only woman he wants. If I see an attractive guy, I will certainly look but I won't make eye contact or stare. I'll just say to myself..."DAYUM!!" and that's it! LOL!

[lils25]

Hi there! :)

You have absolutely nothing to worry about! all men look at other women all the time, its not to be hurtful or because they would ever cheat on you but when a nice bum is in front of you, ye have a little look. I am female but all my mates are men, they all love their girlfriends and they check out women all the time and so does my boyfriend and he knows i look at ohter guys, its only natural, women tend to only fantasize about their boyfriends as we are more nurturing nd when we are in love , its usually our partner who we think about seually but men have over active imaginations and they really dont get why it would hurt us lol. Just remember that he wouldnt be with you if he wasnt attracted to you. If it bothers you that much just talk to him about it and let him know how it makes you feel. Good Luck :)

[Judy246]

I consider myself in the attractive catagory, secure, independent, confident an everything else that comes with being confident. What I will not tolerate from my fiance it for him to stare at women in front of me. It is natural to look, but it's rude and desrespectful to stare to the point where it will make me uncomfortable and it has happened  and I knicked it in the butt right on the spot. These insignificant stares (depending of they are the natural or lustful stares) have consequences, which result in insecurities, unecessary jelousy's, arguments, etc....I do like the response of "why don't you take a picture, it will last longer" (lol) and it will he will get the message, yet be aware that you are on to him. If it bother's you then, you need to tell him how uncomforable it make you feel, if you are able to just let it go, that's great, but the reality of a slight glance is natural. We all do. I've done it, but it's insignificant.

[Lonelymom]

Blondiegurl,  It is normal to look. To stare is not and maybe saying something to him (not nagging him) but simply say something like hey hun you need a picture of that? Or something that will break that ice like a previous poster said and make him realize what he is doing is wrong. I have always lived by this saying: You can still look at the menu, you just can't order! Also this one: You are married not dead.  I used to be very insecure and jealous, but as time went on I learned not to be. You will too!


Jim, At first I was thinking wow what a wonderful marriage you have but as this post goes on you really have things both of you need to work on. I can understand not wanting to be constantly accuse. My DH does the same thing to me. If I look then I must know the person or want the person. Your wife NEEDS to go to therapy with you so together you both can work on this. She needs to understand that it is okay for you to look as long as you aren't "ordering"!  She needs to not be so insecure!