need some perspective

[yzking]

I would like to thank everybody in advance for reading this. Well first I'm going to explain the situation. i have been living with my current now ex girlfriend for about 6 years.  we are not together anymore and are still living together. she is however moving out in in October. we both decided it was best because we both have to make alot of arrangements. we also decided that we would not see other people because its messy. so long story short, she has been talking to this guy they work together. she works online so she doesn't ever see him but he has flirted with her and says she doesn't flirt back. i saw this and got p***d and confronted her with this. she says that hes just playn and hes just a friend( really im not one to put up with this type of behavior but financial circumstances force the situation..) and we had it out. long story short she agreed to not talk to him unless its work related. which she has to sometimes. this i understand, but she also talks to him outside of this and breaks the agreement. i understand what kind of person she is and that's why i broke up with her and don't really have any feelings for her anymore. here's where the story gets interesting, i have been thinking about my ex from a long time ago alot lately.we haven't spoke in 10 years but were really close. i consider her the one that got away. i was thinking about contacting her but wasn't sure. things didn't end well there either. i took her for granted and cheated on her while we were broke up but still seeing each other.(I'm not like that any more i grew up) i think she sensed this and one day out of the blue she calls and says she has a boyfriend. i immediately got mad and told her i cheated on her, and that was that. i still have not forgot about her all these years later. i herd from a friend that shes single so i was thinking about contacting her on facebook. actually i did send her a friend request and she didn't accept it or Deny it, that was month's ago. and she does go on facebook frequently a friend told me. she is the type that caries a grudge, but i would like her to know that I'm not the same person anymore and that i would like to be friends and tell her she meant alot to me, and take it form there. just not sure how to say it so she'll forgive me. well thats it ....let me know what you think.

[specialmom]

I actually do get some of this.  If you made an agreement to spare everyone's feelings and stay single over the summer until you can financially separate (6 years is a long time)----------  I think it is to be honored.  After 6 years, it is really the best thing to take a break from dating and find yourself on your own again before trying to connect yourself to another.

But in reality, this probably won't work out well.  Do you have a lease that can not be broken?  I'd talk to your landlord because most landlords would rather break a lease and put an apartment up for rent in early summer than late Fall.  They'd probably let you out of your lease happily.  Secondly, it is impossible to really move on with your life with your former partner under the same roof.  It will keep you both in limbo.  So, I'd think about if you are able to actually both go your separate ways earlier than Oct.

It is true that if you expect her to remain faithful to your agreement that you should as well.  And I think something that is natural that we do when we are lonely and vulnerable is to think of our past.  I think that is what the thinking of the ex business is.  She did ignore you on facebook which is indicative to how receptive she'd be at your contacting her.  And that is all water under the bridge anyway.  Better to start fresh with someone new and build a new history that is not tainted with a dark past.  You'll meet someone but give it time.

Consider if it is a possibility to live on your own without your girlfriend and vice versa as I think that is your starting point in getting back on track.  good luck

[teko]

I dont understand why if you are only staying together for financial reasons, why you cannot move on to seeing other people as long as it is kept away from the home you share? Obviously you BOTH want to socialize with other people. You got mad at her for talking to some guy online yet you yourself harbor dreams of contacting an ex? I would say the ex you wish to contact has no interest in re visiting the past so you need to move on and allow your ex to move on as well. I would venture a guess that if you two are only sharing a home due to financial issues, you have been able to continue a friendship? Or is it something more? Why would her talking to some guy on line and bowing down when you get mad about it being considered as over? Sounds to me like there is still something going on there. IMO

[Princessdaniella]

I do not understand as was mentioned on the above post why You're speaking of talking to your old ex girlfriend yet stopping your ex you're living with from speaking to someone over the internet who she has not even met. I think it is much more personal speaking to Your ex. Is this only an attempt to hurt her for her speaking to someone this decision to speak with your old ex.
I do not believe after Six Years with someone You can already be thinking about another relationship- another prospect.

[Blankney94]

Just a little question..... why are you thinking of possible/speculative partners for the future when your now ex-girlfriend is banned from doing the same?  Seems like you should both live by the same rules.

Sounds like you need to just spend some time out of a relationship for now without being in a rush to move on.  You are talking 6 yrs together afterall, so you need to take the time to recover.

[29sillygirl]

Are you getting any help with your anxiety? Or are you settling for this life with ex girlfriend still living in same place for financial reasons, as well as to have someone (anyone) under the same roof.

Sounds like you are still hot on the trail of a gf,  The one you broke up with and who is ignoring you on facebook is probably a dead end.

As a woman, I can tell you we don't respond well to men who when fairly sure they don't have a chance, talk, and talk, and talk.   Why are you so involved in her personal traits?...ie, she is the type to carry a grudge.  You are so far from addressing the real problem.  Your anxiety.

Are you able to work?  Any plans to help yourself.  Beyond keeping woman there to help with rent?