what to do?

[bigfatmess]

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. I am 20 years old. I am a full time college student. My boyfriend doesn't mind that I am in college, however he does get really mad if I am doing school work when he is home. I wanted to move closer to my family and he doesn't agree. I have done everything to make him happy since we have been together. I don't have any friends. I don't leave the house. I sit here all day with school work. He goes to work. Which don't get me wrong, I am happy that I don't have to work. I play the house wife at 20. I do love to cook but thats all i do. I cook and clean and go to school. He doesn't listen to me when I talk. He tells me I should tell him my feelings, but when I do he gets mad at me. He starts yelling and telling me my feelings are stupid. and whatever it is that is bothering me that hes done, he keeps doing it. He says that he is grown and he will do whatever he wants. but i get chewed out for doing anything i want. i cant even get a hair cut without him screaming at me and being pissed off he talks to other girls on his phone he hangs out with friends but i cant have friends especially of the opposite sex. im tired of it.. we have already split up before because of this and i was stupid and came back.. i want to leave for good this time but last time he ripped up my stuff broke my jewelry... and im scared he is goin to do that again. what should i do???

[Judy246]

Also, by yelling at you he is mentally and emotionally weakening you as a person and will effect your decision making, self esteem and also as a human being. You CAN NOT stay in this relationship. Anytime a man (or woman), starts to break or throw things, he (or she) is capable of violence. It will only be a matter of time. Get out now!!!!

[penswriter]

honey you need to run and you need to run FAST! he is controlling you and if he's not physically abusive now...he will be. DO NOT STAY! if he rips up your stuff and breaks your jewelry fine...let him. things can be replaced! CALL YOUR MOM!!!! call her and when he's at work you pack and get the h3ll out!

i'm almost 25 and a sahm/wife. my husband NEVER yells at me for going out with my mom, friends or whatever. sure i don't go out at night (the way we see it is if we both can't go out together neither of us goes out...which yes that is mutual. i feel weird going "out" without him) but i do lunch, shopping, going to the park, starting to go to book club. if i have a problem he listens, gives me a shoulder to cry on and if we fight never breaks or destroys my things. what your b/f is doing is NOT a good thing. that is not how a healthy relationship is.

please don't even think twice about it leave him!

[Judy246]

Wow, and you are both still in college and he showing you controling, agressive behavior in the early stages of your relationship? Run for the hills while you can. If he is agressive and controling now, your relationship is headed for domestic violence when you become engaged and if you marry the man will kill you!....get the message, get out while you can now. He is a walking time bomb and with time, will explode. Surround yourself with good friends and contact your family. Get out of this relationship immediate. Judy

[iam1butterfly]

A typical tactic in stripping a person of their identity is to undermine a person's worth and deny that person access to those things in life that define that person as an individual. And, it sounds like this is what's happening to you. By having your life re-defined and marginalizing you become more of someone else idea of who and what you should be; and not the free thinking individual that you were intended to be.
This doesn't sound like much of a life... or, at least, not much of a happy life.
It sounds more like living in a cage.

So, I totally agree with specialmom's wise advice... you must find a way to break free from this demoralizing stronghold before you lose more of yourself. And, a good start would be to contact your parents for support and guidance. Then, pursue your life's passions by re-connecting with life.

[Vance2335]

I agree 100%, this guy is a tool and you need to leave him and when you do don't talk to him anymore. And make sure you have a couple of males there to halp you move out.

Also don't tell him you are leaving, just get people over to help you leave. if he is home so be it but if he is not even better because it makes it less of a risk for a violent situation to happen. If he is home also do not hesitate to call the police is he starts anything violent or abusive (physical or language).

[specialmom]

Oh boy, this is not good.  I'm concerned for you here.  This relationship sounds to be one that is not healthy.  Your boyfriend controlling you is an obvious problem.  No one should feel like they are going to get yelled or in trouble for living life.  Doing things like getting a hair cut, working out, hanging out with a friend are allowed when you are in a committed relationship . . .  And I'm not sure why studying when he is home would be a problem either.  This will only get worse.  And what you describe happens when you try to leave, I'm feeling more sure that my hunch is right that this is an abusive relationship.  You should not be there.  This is just my opinion from the brief bit of info you've given.  But a volatile relationship like this at this stage in the game, or any stage, to be honest is going to lead to disaster.  


Also, your comments are also worrying me.  I'm 44 and am a stay at home mom now after years of a career----------  I don't stay at home, cook and clean and do every thing that my husband asks.  I'm a grown woman with my own things in life that I have going on.  Please work on your own passions in life.  Please consider that you need friends as well as a relationship.  (well, we really shouldn't NEED  a relationship . . . )  

So, I think you need to leave.  I'd call my dad, brother, male family friend or whatever and have them show up with a truck and move you out.  Go back to your parents if you have to.  I'd call them, work out the details and just go.  This is my best advice to you from the heart.  good luck