How do I end it?

[BeLa789]

I guess I'm just looking for some moral support, because I know I have to break up w/ my guy of 3 yrs. See we live together, and he's pretty great, he's a sweety most of the time and I know he loves me and I love him. But (I know there's always a but), he's insistant on moving overseas after we're married, to raise our children. I don't think I can go through w/ that. Also, we bicker about such stupid, daily stuff, we just don't seem to like the other's habits. He can be quite selfish and demanding of my time w/ little regard to my needs/feelings. To his credit, he realized it on a basic level and has intentions to work on it. My sister and her kids are going through a lot and I think I need to move back near them to help her out. Anyways, so I don't think either of us could be happy if we marry, but how to break it off when we live together and are 3yrs in? PLUS he goes to school full time and I'm the breadwinner right now, so I feel this horrible guilt and responsibilty over his well being... if we break up, how will he live? Have money? How can I get out of this?  

[SeriousSam]

No one said that this man does not watch the kids and do household stuff so I am curious are we going to do the whole housewives are lazy thing?  And we don't know that this guy doesn't have student loans that are not used for the benefit of both of them that she has no obligation or intent to help pay.

In addition how do you guys know this person did not have a job at some time and support her?  I have known more men than women who have taken in homeless strays and this lady doesn't sound like the type to do that.

[redneckmom]

It is almost always hard to leave, but it is harder the longer you wait.  It sounds like you don't have kids yet, so leave now before that happens.  You aren't married, and you aren't happy with where your future with him would be.  Don't feel bad about the financial aspect of this.  People break up all the time.  He isn't dating your checkbook, he is dating you.  I wouldn't want to move overseas either.  Do what makes you happy.

[RockRose]

Sounds like the two of you have vastly different goals.  I think it's very smart of you to look down the road,    and decide whether this is the direction you want to take.  And you don't,   so now you know that.

Sounds like he needs to get a student loan and a job.

[dove3053]

It's a big move overseas and since you don't want to do it don't . You break if off by saying after giving this careful thought I don't want to get married at this time and I want to move to be by my sister.

Sounds like you have been supporting him. That is not your job. He is a grown man and it's not your job to support him.

SeriousSam, She is having trouble with this guy already, do you think moving overseas would be a great idea?? I think it would be a disaster.

Bela, it sounds like me you know what you want so just be honest and tell him.
Keep me posted sweethheart.

Dove

[SeriousSam]

You have kids, and you want to break it of now because if you wait till later he'll have more of a legal right to the kids.  This way if you do it now you can catch him unaware while he has no clue break several agreements the both of you probably have, leave him total unaware and helpless while you have worked you way upto sticking a knife in his back for statistically speaking, six months.

What is wrong with going overseas?  If he is a foreign national you knew it was a possibility when you started dating him?  Heck back then you probably had it on your list as a plus!

Due counseling with him try to get over your petty fears and instead of having a petty list of how great you are make a list of his great traits and your weaknesses, and ask him to do one of great spots and his weak spots.

And get over your fear of other countries.

[Isabelle1963]

Once question that comes to mind is....how long has he been "intending" to work on it?  I understand your concern of leaving him high and dry while he's in school and you're supporting the two of you.  You might be feeling like you're abandoning him during a vulnerable time financially.  He's a big boy and can handle himself if he's smart enough to get through school.  If you do not want to leave the country and raise your children then don't do it.  You don't have to.  He can't drag you across the water to do it.  Only you can keep  yourself here but don't use anyone else for a crutch.  Your sister may be going through some tough times, like everyone does, but you are too.  They may just be on a different level.  As far as living with him for 3 years, the longer you take the longer you will have lived with him.  When you're ready you'll make the decision, just be honest about why you don't want to do it.  
Stay Strong